Just Like Me.

  I saw this on Quora , written by Carly J. and it could have been written by me. It sounds just like me and how I feel in my life and with my family and my struggles. It's good to know that I am not alone; that there are others out there who struggle like I do, that I'm not the only one. It really blew me away reading this. I also realized that my kids got 2 different "versions" of me too; the older ones got a more mentally unstable version of me before I went on medication( because during those earlier years when I was either prego or nursing I wasn't on meds; I wouldn't even take a Tylenol) plus, other than the depression(I had since I was 13) none of the other stuff was even diagnosed until I was in my 40's anyway, and the ones that came later the younger ones got a used-up, broken down, deflated, worn-out, mentally and physically exhausted version whose condition deteriorated as they grew up.Meanwhile, as for myself, I struggled along all those years(and still continue to) holding on as best as I could, trying to survive, just trying to make it thru one day at a time, barely holding on some days, wondering how I can still go on.

Yesterday I also saw the 12 YR old kick Buddy when he was sleeping in his bed on the floor in the livingroom. He didn't think I was looking but I did. I even felt the bed shake and Buddy felt the impact too and shot up and snapped at him and then gave him the nastiest Death Stare ever and when he found out I did see it and really bawled him out for it he tried to excuse it was an "accident" but I could tell it wasn't and then the thought occurred to me: has that maybe been the issue all along? Is that maybe why my poor old dog has the often swelling and bruising in his groin?Today he also had a bit of bleeding at the end of his shit too and a couple of small blood clots when he peed, which is consistant with an injury... Has the 12 YR old been kicking and abusing him all along? It's a horrible thought but he always has been a disturbing kid( and I've always told my concerns to my hubby and mother which they always dismissed) now I have to keep an extra close watch on him and make sure to never leave Buddy alone with him. This possibility just breaks my heart and we all know that the 3 main warning signs in childhood of future adult sociopaths are: abusing animals, setting fires, and bed-wetting....

The 16 YR old also got a new Pokemon game and she kept complaining that her Pokemon were always hungry all the time and always wanted to eat and I told her that's what having kids is like; welcome to parenthood! They always want to eat and you have to ration things and make sure there's enough for everyone. They were also playing some fighting video game and all I noticed were the sunflowers in the background and they never even noticed them but I always notice things no one else does, one of the "perks" of Asperger's I guess; I think outside the Box, and as I was bending down tossing laundry into the dryer I felt something POP! in my lower right abdomen too and it hurt! It reminded me of a spring popping off and going boiing! and I have no idea what it was but I do know that random body parts aren't just supposed to pop like that....My friend P (from grade 6) is also in the Mexican Riviera with a few friends now for her birthday and she's so lucky she always gets to travel 3-4 times a YR! I'd be happy just to even get to go away once a YR now but I'm poor.

I also stopped reading People magazine now as well their current online issue is filled with all this pro-abortion propaganda saying why abortion is "good" and "beneficial" and "helped" women etc. trying to convince the reader it's a good thing! Since when is killing your baby ever a good thing? Killing your own child is the ultimate in selfishness and if you stop a beating heart it's MURDER! It really is that simple.