Musing For The Day.

Somebody Please Just Make It Stop!!

This is a photo of part of our backyard, our pool actually. If you look closely you can see part of the diving board. Everything buried deep under snow. Yes, for the second week in a row we're buried under blizzards and sub-Arctic temps. That's what life is like here living in the frozen Arctic tundra. In fact, all this week so far and 4 days last week the school buses were cancelled either due to the snow or the extreme cold. Our kids are homeschooled so they don't get Snow Days which they complain about and I think is the one thing they don't like about homeschooling.Today it's - 17 C with a wind-chill of -25 C and other days it's been even worse, like - 25 C feeling like - 35 C. In Winnipeg the other day it was something like - 50 C. No joke.

We have to hunker down and hibernate as daily we are hit with an onslaught of blizzards, snow squalls, white-outs, snow drifts 5 feet high, so bad even the snow plows had to be recalled off the roads as the visibility was so bad the drivers couldn't see.Activities and events are all cancelled or rescheduled all across the board and no one was going anythwhere. A friend in the Southern US asked me how we survive in such awful cold snowy weather and I told her, Stay indoors.

I blame my mother. She hung a wreath on the front door that says Let it snow!

My friend J ( from the YMCA group in Ottawa) and also my friend I (from grade 8) are in sunny Cuba right now and I'm so jealous. It seems that esp. this year everyone's going away except for me. I'm really bummed-out. I desperately need tropical beach therapy. It's been a nice break though these past 4 days with my hubby away, much less tension and NO fighting, yelling, arguing, or strife from anyone. Buddy doesn't even seem to noitce, or care, that he's not here though, but whenever I'm gone(even just for a short while, like at church) he sulks and cries, howls, hides under the couch or waits on the stairs landing for me to return.It's nice to be missed though and he always gives me such a welcoming greeting when I get back: he zooms and races excitedly all over in circles, tail wagging a mile a minute, jumping all over me, rolling over onto his back for a belly rub, licking me, sometimes even so happy he piddles. He's the only one that loves me or misses me but boy does he and I love him for it.

Wordless Wednesday.

Larf For Today.

Daily Thoughts.

Truth For The Day.

The Shower Curtain.

 The other day my hubby and the girls decided to get a new shower curtain for the bathrooms even though there was othing wrong with the old ones. For some stupid reason they decided to get a clear, see-thru plastic one for the bathroom on the middle floor, where the bath is, where I have my bath. I was horrified, and it made me feel so exposed, so vulnerable, so naked! Who the hell even thinks of making such a stupid thing anyway; a see-thru clear shower curtain? I mean, seriously, people, WTF? Really? The curtain I'd really want( if I had any choice, any say, and any $$$$) would be, of course, a hippo one, like the one shown here, but of course there's nothing like that around here, only available online and costs ridiculous 75$-150$ plus shipping and ours was only 14$. In any case, both my mother and I objected( the one time we were actually agreed and united on something) and she ordered them to get a new one and either replace it or put it on top of the clear one.

  The kids revolted.

  They're not used to not getting their own way because I'm the only one that ever tries to discipline them but of course I'm always over-ruled by my hubby and mother and so I have no authority and they just laugh and ignore me and I have no one else to back me up and so....except this time it was something that she cared about, got mad over and mattered to her (instead of just me) so she got really mad when they defied her, the same shit that I always get from them all the time every day; the defiance, the back-talk, the insults, the mouthiness, the attitude, the disobedience, the refusal, the sabotage, the disrespect, the rudeness, the boldness, the plotting, etc. and she was furious, steaming mad, majorly stressed-out and going ape-shit crazy and really flipping out on them I thought she was going to implode. I told her that that's what I get all the time and always have to put up with from them and that's why I'm so fed up and now she sees what it's like and what I have to go thru and put up with.

  As it turned out after what seemed like hours of stand-off they finally relented and did it......but the wrong way, just to purposely piss her off and to get the last word: they put the clear one underneath the new beach ocean scene one so we wouldn't be able to see the new one, only it backfired because we still can see it so hahahahahahahahahah.......little assholes.

  As well, Buddy has that lump under his eye again that I think is a fluid-filled cyst or absess. He's had it twice before; in summer and in fall and it eventually pops when he scratches it or I puncture it and it drains and flattens down and eventually goes away so I'm not so worried about it this time, unlike when it first showed up and I worried it might be a tumour. It's itchy though as he's always rubbing it on me, or along the carpet or scratching it with his paw, poor baby.

Daily Chuckle.

Trash.

The other day the 17 YR old called me "trash". She looks down on me because I use medical marijuana, even though it has all but eliminated my daily and debilitating migraines and has done wonders for my stress, anxiety and pain. She's just a really mean person. She's always been like that though, thinking she's better than everyone else, putting others down, being condescending, bullying, acting superior, like my hubby,actually. She even talks smack behind everyone's back, even her own friends. It's really awful. If she wants to see trash though all she has to do is look in the mirror: at least I'm  not the one who walks around dressing like a whore with lace thongs and short slutty skirts going half-way up my thighs. That's certainly NOT how I  raised her, but they've all turned against me and my values; only one of them that's left home still even goes to church (or even still believes in God anymore) they've all turned away despite my best efforts to raise them good, godly people. The influence of the world just got to them but the seed has been planted and hopefully one day it will grow and I pray for them daily.

I've also had bad abdomenal pain for the past 5 days straight, likely my IBS acting up again although it could be my ovarian cyst, or anything. Who knows. The pain feels like really bad constipation pain even though I'm not actually constipated. Chronic daily pain is just a normal part of my life now and if it's not one thing it's another, generally my abdomen, my back,and my foot. My hubby's also away in Toronto for 4 days this week for work so I get a nice break away from him,too,4 days without him here to constantly put me down, insult and criticize me, and I can put on whatever music I want and blast it as loud as I want, and I get hot water for my bath in the mornings,too, and I can watch the news without him giving me a hassle, and just much less stress and tension overall without him here, like I can just relax and breathe for a few days.

  My former sister-in-law is also getting married in Jamaica next week (I'm so jealous!) and some of my cousins in Europe( the ones that visited us in the summer) are taking a trip to USA (L.A and Vegas) this year too and they need a visa which surprised me as we never need one for USA and as far as I can remember I only needed a visa for Russia and Israel. I wish I had the $$$$ to still travel. I love it and miss it and could really use the time away. I miss my Old Life so much. I miss the Old Me.

Musing For Today.

Onward!

Last night I had a dream I was kissing another man and my hubby saw. He also saw that for the first time in years, in decades, that I was smiling and laughing, that I was happy, and he was mad, even though he doesn't love me or want me but then he eventually let me go and let me live my own life, set me free, and let me be happy. In actualy reality though I remember him one time threatening me if I ever did that he would destroy me, incl. no child support, even going as far as quitting his job to make sure that I get nothing financially and there was always the threat of getting custody of the kids, of course( which he did try before one time when we split up back in the early 90's and we even went to court over but eventually reconciled) but none of that holds over me anymore; I don't care anymore; if he wants the kids he can have them. I'm done. As for finances, I can always just go on disability, or if I re-marry my new hubby will take care of me. At this point I just want to be free. I don't want to have to depend on him anymore, be "beholden" to him, to have him "hold" anything above me, to threaten me, manipulate me, control me, hold any sort of power or control over me, etc... I've had enough. I'm done.

I want to find happiness and love.

I want to be free.

I want to be happy.

I want the Old Me back.

Onward!

Laff For The Day.

More Thoughts.