Daily Pondering.

Love And Worry.

Last night I was really worried about my Boy. I mean really  worried, so much so I even half-expected to find him dead this morning when I got up but thank God he wasn't and seems to feel better today. Last night he had a fever and felt really hot, and he told me he was in a lot of pain and he's only walk a couple of steps, dragging his poor sorry old ass along and then basically collapse and flop onto the floor and lay on his side and doze off. He was really in a bad way so I gave him a small dose of my CBD oil to ease his pain, help him relax and to sleep and it worked, really well. In about 45 minutes he was faded, zonked-out and had the best sleep ever. When I pet him I could even feel  the difference as the tension in his muscles had ceased and they were now relaxed as he now lay there breathing calmly, softly and smoothly, no longer laboured , hard, and snorting, his chest rising and falling softly instead of in rough heaves, and he was sooo relaxed and pain-free and having such a good sleep and I was glad. Maybe it was just something he ate that upset him, and he was eating crap off the carpet again as we ran out of food(incl. for him) and he was scrounging around for food because he seems better( so far, anyway) today(other than blood in his shit again, which he hasn't had for at least 2 weeks now, making me think again it must be something he ate and irritated his colon)? I just love him so much I worry about him like I do about the kids when they're sick or hurt. Endless worry. That's what love is and I have so much to lose.

I still have my app't with the doc to re-new my medical marijuana prescription this week only this time it has to be online and I have to hook up on a computer here at home so I hope it works out OK and I'm going to need help with it because I don't know anything about it and am not tech-saavy( or anything-saavy,really) and I was arranging it over the phone yesterday too and the stupid phone never works well( and you can hardly hear eachother on both ends,either) and I was having trouble with it and needed help and my hubby snarled at me in contempt, Learn how to use a phone!!   and it was so belitting and felt so demeaning I absolutely hate that asshole and I saw the other day too his "plans" for when he sells the house too......uh, excuse me? it'll never even be "his" TO  sell in the first place; it goes from my mother to me and then to be divided among the kids......he doesn't even own  it! WTF? His plan is both of us will be dead....but even so, it doesn't even go to him, but passed on down to the kids....then I remembered the warning I got a long time ago, the revelation of sorts, Be careful, he's even more violent than you realize.....

F*CK.

I also heard that now the police  are even at some Wal-Mart locations for crowd control, to make sure only a few people go in at a time,and that's just beyond ridiculous, I mean, haven't the police got better  things to do, like going after killers, rapists, etc instead? There was also talk of possibly even soon banning people from even going outside at all too, not even out for walks but even if so f*ck that, Buddy still has to go out for his walks and go shit and pee and no Big Brother jack-booted order will stop me from taking care of his need OR from going outside ( my fave. place to BE!) when it's warm and sunny out, so how about NO!!!!! I'm also glad that, once again, I had Back-Up; for some reason today after my bath I didn't have a clean underwear to put on but luckily I always have an extra back-up pair in the bathroom just in case.....and I needed it again today and it was there for me in my time of need once again! My Mantra: Always have a back-up!!! whether it's an extra pair of underwear and socks, or a back-up plan, ammo, escape route, files on computer, supply, witness, story, contact, safe place, cash supply, etc. because , like insurance, you never know if or when you're going to need it, and if you do you'll be really glad that you have it. Walking Buddy today the only shoes I could find were 2 right-foot Crocs too so I went out in that but it's pretty funny,too as that also pretty much sums up my life.

I also don't know what the big deal is over this TV show Tiger King; it just sounds so lame, like just another dumb redneck made famous, just like Duck Dynasty, Swamp People, Teen Moms,  or Honey-Boo Boo and her family. It's just the dumbest thing ever, and just as stupid as the Kardashians being famous when all they are really is nothing but glorified porn stars and fame whores. It was funny as well a Facebook  friend mentioned the Eagles  and I left a comment how Hotel California  is my fave. song of theirs and as it turned out  the Eagles  is also  apparantly some sports  teams and he was actually talking about that! HA! Who knew? and I also have this other FB friend  who( no offence) is homely but for some reason she thinks  she's pretty  and I was thinking to myself I wonder which is better or worse:  to be ugly( like we both are) and to know that you actually are, in reality, ugly (like I do) or to be delusional and to think  that you're actually pretty(like she  does) ? In my case I'm facing the honest-to-God-truth( as painful as it is) and not deluding myself and seeing myself as others do and therefore understanding why  men have never been attracted to me, yet on the other hand I also  have Zero self-esteem due  to it and hate myself which is also very damaging..... and in her case she's delusional  yet she'd have confidence and self-esteem, although based on a delusion. What do YOU think?

.

HOT GUY.

Just because. You're welcome.

Separated At Birth?

Bamboo.....

and sugarcane

Greek Lamb With Orzo.

The 25 YR old made this amazing Greek lamb stew, and it filled the entire house with the most delicious wonderful  smell I wish I could just bottle it up and keep it forever. Here is the recipe.

I

• 
  

  
  

  
  

  
• 
  

  
  

  
  

  
• 
  

  
  

  
  

  

My family.

Tru-Dope.

I never did like this guy (PM Turdeau for those of you who don't know, duh!) He's a corrupt under-handed Liberal, a racist, a phony, two-faced, a wolf in sheep's clothing, not what he appears to be on the outside ( handsome, charming, etc. but on the inside he'snot an honest, good, or nice person) a weak and ineffective leader, and now I heard this ( and I don't know if it's actually true or not or just a rumour as you can't believe everything you read online but it horrified me nonetheless and just got me thinking, and knowing him it really doesn't surprise me): that when he was a teacher at age 28 he had an "inappropriate relationship" with an under-age female student and was fired! UGH! So now he's a pervert and a pedo, too? OMG! Eww, that's just too awful, even for a prick like him! He also has always come across to me as very effeminite and a "beta_ male; the way he sits and crosses his legs like a woman and his soft-spoken almost "lispy" effeminite voice, and he reminds me of those spolied entitled preppy rich frat-boy-types I went to highschool with. I also heard he and his wife split up months ago secretly and have been living separate lives,hidden from the public and the media for the good of his career and she has apparantly hooked up with actor Idris Alba and he even claims he got the Coronavirus  from her,too, and which would also explain why the PM hasn't caught it from her,either if they live apart....shit, I swear this is like some kind of trashy soap opera, like the kind the redneck welfare moms like to watch on TV in the afternoons...

I also started planting my sunflowers in a small pot in the windowsill ledge in the kitchen and literally up on a pedestal  up high out of reach so the mice don't get to them and eat the seeds out of them like they did before now all I just have to do is to remember to water them every day because it's something new to my routine I'm not used to(I should leave a note for myself on my place-setting at the table to remind me) and it also scares me to know Buddy is now 14 and probably doesn't really have that much time left as I can't lose him; he means the world to me and it was like we were meant  to find eachother and be together and we needed eachother and complete eachother's lives and he has always been here for me and has gotten me thru so much and been such a comfort for me and has gotten me thru both  the 22 YR old and the 16 YR old's mental breakdowns, suicide attempts, eating disorders, psych stays, and treatments and recoveries, both of which which tore me apart emotionally and took away every last resource that I had left and left me completely drained, but he was there for me and that's what got me thru; that and God. I can't lose him. He's really all I HAVE.

Today's Laff.

Jackpot!!

Look what my hubby found! TOILET PAPER! yes, he really did, and at the grocery store yesterday of all places, too, even though everywhere had been all sold out but they had just got their delivery in and he got lucky; just happened to be at the right place at the right time( he's lucky like that, me I'm the total opposite) and we got  some! Yay! It's not our usual brand ( we normally get Cashmere because we're classy that way, ha,ha) but times are hard so you take what you can get and it's our most coveted and hard-to-find posession at the moment and it's funny now people online are posting pictures of their rare-finds of TP instead of food, and with this crazy mass-hysteria and panic over the Coronavirus pandemic and at first I actually wondered if he got it off the Black Market. ( A friend of mine her dad used to deal stolen and counterfeit goods on the international Black Market and that's actually the reason why  they had to emigrate to Canada, to escape danger, but that's another story) and it reminds of of those War-Time stories my babushka used to tell me how things were in scarce supply and rationed, things such as butter and sugar,etc. and people would trade with eachother for necessities. It's like that now, only with toilet paper. My abdomenal pain is now sooooo BAD too from trying to hold in my shit for as along as I can(probably NOT the best idea for someone like me who has IBS) to "save" toilet paper I feel nauseated from the pain but now I can just  LET IT GO and I had this massive log-jam and kept launching the torpedoes and I swear I've never seen so much shit in my life....and my back pain's really bad too, in the lower part in my kidney area and it feels like a sharp tearing sensation going all the way up  my back as well; it's really awful  and I woke up in the morning( and still have!) a sore, swollen tongue on the right side too so I'm pretty sure I must have had another seizure in my sleep again and bitten my tongue. Buddy is also whining alot today and staying extra close and cuddly with me too, so either he senses something's not well with me  or he doesn't feel well and needs extra love?

This is a very interesting quote I came across as well from C.S. Lewis, and very prophetic for our time now,too(and now the province has banned groups of people over 5 and we have 6 of us living in our house so I guess someone  has to go; we have to "thin the herd", but who? I vote for either my hubby or mother....) and shows that even if Satan tries to create havoc that GOD can turn it around and use it for His purpose and that His people will still always be guided and proteced by Him and always have comfort, protection and come thru it and not have to worry because He always has their backs. I have a sore spot at the back of my head again too I have no idea how it got there but I woke up with it, and the 18 YR old made this How-well-do-we-know-her quiz she found from a site online and we all took it and then all of us( except for my mother who doesn't know how to use the computer) went there and made up our own versions of it, and the 13 YR old got this new Donkey Kong video game for his birthday ( which I'm pretty sure was supposed to have been called Monkey Kong but it was lost in translation and they accidently put a "D" instead of an "M" and changed the word(and animal!) completely from "monkey" to "donkey") and he was playing this funniest level ever where this fat seal ( which reminded me of Buddy when he rolls around on the carpet) kept tossing puffer-fish to the ape and for some reason ( maybe because it was a Weed  Day perhaps, or maybe it's just funny?) it was just hilarious and the funniest thing I'd ever seen and I was laughing my ass off cracking up so much I was practically crying it was so funny, but the 13 YR old was frustrated with it and appeared to struggle with it and after he finally beat it he was like, Well, that  was something.....

Daily Thought.

My Friend's Mom.

I can still remember my friend T's( from grade 8) mom; that time she called me at home frantic, drunk, not knowing where her daughter was, hoping she was maybe over at my house like she often was( she wasn't, but she did eventually locate her at another friend's house) and I have to say that she had to be the most, well....interesting and unusual of all my friends' parents. She was the only woman  I have ever seen drunk; she was an alcoholic and every time I went over to her house I always saw her passed-out drunk on the couch and I had a few friends whose dads were alcoholics so this wasn't anything new but it was the first and only time I'd ever seen a drunk woman or a woman alcoholic. I didn't judge her for it though or think anything of it; that's just that way it was; that was just T's mom; that's just the way it was in her family and I just figured every family is different and just accepted it. They were white-trash afterall and as much as T was kind and wonderful and an amazing friend that was just her family. She had something like 4 or 5 siblings ( her brother sold drugs in high school too) and they all had different fathers,too, which I did  find weird, but that wasn't the worst of it: what I did find highly odd and suspicious and what ended up making her being the strangest of all my friends' parents was the fact that 3 of her fiances ended up mysteriously falling down the stairs and breaking their necks and dying.....and guess who ended up getting the life insurance $$$$? I know, right? Creepy!

 The other surprising thing too was the first time I saw her; up until then I had just heard her voice on the phone calling my place to talk to T and she had this amazing becautiful pretty voice ( she was a telephone operater back in the day BTW) and I imagined she was this pretty woman.....but in reality she was this fat slovenly ugly cow that looked like a typical welfare mom. Proof again that things are not often what they appear to be. Now as an adult though I feel sad for her because now I realize that she must have been a really unhappy person, unfulfilled, depressed, miserable in life and that's what would have lead her to drink, as a coping machanism. My friend K's dad came a close second with being weird though: I stayed over at her house once and this guy was really weird, like schizo paranoid weird and he said the weirdest things and wouldn't let his kids even talk  at the table or anything. That guy really gave me bad vibes. It often made me think what my friends thought of my mother or what my kids' friends think of me? I think I'd rather not know that one.

Yesterday I also saw this cute brown rabbit in our garden under a bush in the backyard(and no; it wasn't a weed day, it was real, and my hubby saw it too so I have a witness I wasn't hallucinating) and I noticed as well our tulips and daffodils are starting to poke up thru the soil! Spring is here and Easter is in just 2 weeks too! I don't know if church will even be open  for Mass to celebrate Holy Week though...The dire toilet paper situation is not going well either, having to ration to one roll a person a week. I'm trying my best to "hold" it and not shit as much as possible trying to conserve paper and make it last but then my abdomenal pain is even worse plus using so little I'm now walking around with an eternal fudge-smudge on my underwear because I can never really get a good clean wipe.

Thought For The Day.

This Side Of Buddy.

The 16 YR old is always calling Buddy "ugly", I presume because he's old( 14 now!) and fat and grey but that's NOT how I  see him. When you see his face from the front it's almost like you can see 2 sides of him; the one side he has this big gnarly ugly black scab that keeps recurring and never heals, a reminder of his old age, fragility, and physical ailments, and the other side of his face which is perfectly fine, other than the frosty white specks of old age. Which side do I choose to see? Do I see the senior dog who is now slow walking, who has a chewed-up raggedy old athritic hip, bad eyesight, old-man style hacking cough,  increasing white fur, gained lots of weight and now looks like one of those fat baby seals you see rolling around on ice floes, an old tired body that causes him pain you just know  because you can just see it in those big sad eyes sometimes, who has a chunk out of his tail from when that nasty grey cat bit it, a wart on his back, now limps at time in pain, can no longer go up and down the stairs or jump like he used to, etc. or do I see the same  loving, loyal, sweet, snuggly, cuddly, amazing, wonderful, best-dog-and-best-friend-I-ever-had, best-thing-to-ever-happen-to-me, blessing from God, fun, beautiful dog that brings love ,light,and joy into my life like nothing else ever has; a dog that loves and enjoys life, as seen in the photo here, just inhaling the fresh spring air and loving life. Which side do I choose to see? I choose to see this  side of Buddy; the side that will never change, the beautiful being that he is.

My mother also had the nerve to say the other day that the newly-minted 13 YR old is her  "son" and made some off-hand remark about me having 9 kids, not acknowledging the other 2 we lost at age 9 and 10 years old, and I reminded her, I have  11 kids; 6 girls and 5 boys....and my arrogant hubby thinks he's so smart too but he wasn't completely sure about something so he asks the Google Home  device but only half-heartedly and he cuts it off and waved it off dismissively( like he always does to me) and then it actually replied to him, I defer to You! and disconnected, and the shocked look on his arrogant face  was priceless! OMG, it was hilarious and I laughed my ass off! I have never seen him put in his place like that before and I must say it was wonderful  and I'm so glad I was there to see it; usually I miss out on all the good stuff, like the time he fell off the big exercise ball and went over backwards and wiped out. I would have loved to have seen that! They still  talk about that even to this day and of course I had to miss it. Just my luck. I also used to think that the 13 YR old was the strangest of all the kids but now I'm not so sure and it might be a tie with the 25 YR old....

You know how I always have an extra "back-up" sock and pair of underwear in the bathroom where the tub is, just in case? Well, today The Day finally came; it was their Time To Shine; it was finally needed: I found out the clean underwear I was to put on for the day after I got out of the bath and dressed one side was all ripped down completely so basically just swen along one side, and flapping on the other, so unwearable. (In case you didn't know before, my underwear I wear right to the VERY END; until they are literally falling off, as you can see here what happened today, and generally all pairs are hole-y, ripped, etc I just can't justify spending $$$ on underwear that just gets fudge-smudges on it and that no one even sees anyway) so I couldn't wear it and had no clean underwear and no way was I going back up all those stairs to my room to get another one(I get out of breath)....but no problem! I had an extra pair already in the bathroom for just such an occasion! See? it's always better to plan ahead and be prepared and to always have a back-up!

We have a dilemma with the Coronavirus mass-hysteria and panic now as well: toilet paper shortage and we could only find it at one store( all the others it was all sold out) and there was a I-kid-you-not- line-up for it and they only handed out 1 package( 8 rolls ) to each customer and they even had someone guarding it(no joke!) so we were all rationed to basically 1 roll to last us a week and there's now 6 of us still living here  as well as the dog and we have 3 bathrooms and we use a roll a DAY in EACH bathroom on average, so that's 3ROLLS A DAY , FOR A TOTAL OF 21 ROLLS A WEEK! How are we possibly going to survive on a roll each to last a week? My hubby also shits like a horse, and several times a day, so how exactly is this going to work? I'll only use mine for shit, not pee, but still, even so, if you have a really thick one....my mother said limit to 1 square per shit, but is she kidding? It'll go right thru your hands....not to mention the huge wet shit-stain and skid-mark you'd always have in your pants.....ewww....that's just so gross I can't even imagine; it's like we're living in some Third World country!  I remember back in the mid-80's when I went to Russia how here  they used to laugh and joke and warn us that they  had a shortage of TP and said we should bring a few rolls of our own, just in case, so we did, but it turned out it was unwarranted and they had plenty; it was just a rumour, and here we are now,  the ones without any....

The gov't is also going to issue relief cheques to families with kids under age 12 for 200$ per kids and of course, with our luck our youngest just turned 13 so we don't get anything. It figures. We can't make any $$$ off  our  kids; now they just cost  us $$$$, and Trump now wants to have armed guards along the border with us too, even though it's the world's biggest non-armed border( or at least it was) proving what I feared was coming with the pandemic and fear-mongering and control: Big Brother, Martial Law, The New World Order, unchecked power by gov't, elimination of our freedom, liberties, and himan and legal rights, and everyone's too scared into submission to notice or to question it or to protest; all brainwashed numb by the fear of the pandemic instilled into them, so now they blindly obey without question thinking it's for their own good and for their own safety and protection, and now people are even reporting others  to authorities too for violtaing quarantine and self-isolation, like Child protective Services, only for adults now,too; for everyone, just like how the Gestapo had everyone rat-out and inform on their neighbours and even their own family,and now the gov't also said people can be fined or even jailed for disobeying quarantine orders, controlling citizen's movement and freedom of mobility....yet people are blind, they are so caught up in the panic of the pandemic they don't even notice, like my hubby, who says gov't should  be able to use whatever means necessary but I think such total and unchecked power is dangerous and gov't should never be able to control our movements, associations, gatherings, protests, or interfere with our freedoms and rights, no matter WHAT. The gov't is supposed to serve the people, NOT  the other way around!

I also can't help but notice too how this attacks houses of worship, with everything being shut down and cancelled; people of faith are now prohibited from gathering to worship as well, an attack on faith and religious worship, expression and fellowship, perhaps even part  of the plan, to divide  and weaken religious groups and the faithful, if they can no longer gather in communion, however, God is always also with you no matter where you are, and it can also strengthen a faith too, and a strong faith can endure(and get you thru) anything, incl. a Concentration Camp(and it doesn't get much worse than that!) and in many cases even brings on a new  faith and need for God that wasn't there before, a deeper dependence, so HA! That won't work, and it will hopefully also strengthen families as well by having people all staying at home spending time with their families instead of at work, school, daycare etc. and parents have to raise their own kids instead of having strangers raise them and siblings get to bond ad the entire family gets to spend time together, and have a simpler life and homeschool(it also goes to show how meaningless sports really is too and how the world is fine without it and no loss and great for people like me that don't want it always pre-empting my regular TV show and hijacking the news all the time) so it would also have some good  coming out of it as well, we just have to choose which side to see.

Larf For The Day.

Thursday Thoughts.

Time's up, suckers!

I actually did this one time by accident and had to pencil them in but it was in summer and they melted off in the heat.

It's a breech-birth!

I never said I loved  it....

WORD.

In our case, "Welcome aboard The Crazy Train!" or "Welcome to the Nut House!"