Daily Pondering.

 

Huggy-Fish.

My hubby informed me that yesterday was Huggy Fish's birthday.

Huggy-Fish is the 26 YR old's fave. and most beloved childhood toy. It's shown here and below: it's a plush fish toy with bright red, yellow, and blue. It's over 20 YRS old now and my hubby showed me a recent photo of it and it's now all well-loved and all worn-out and faded white and all the colour's gone and it was just the saddest thing ever. He laughed, "I thought you didn't care?" and I told him, "I didn't think I did until you showed me."

That's NOT how I want to remember it.

That's just sad and now I wish he never showed me that.

I prefer to remember it as the bright red, yellow and blue that it used to be.

I know exactly how it feels and looks though.

 I look and feel the same way; all faded and "spent".

He says he's even going up to Toronto to visit her to celebrate Huggy-Fish's birthday party.

Uh,ok... 😂

This is me holding the now 22 YR old, next to the now 26 YR old holding Huggy-Fish standing next to the now 29 YR old. This YR they turn 23, 27, and 30.

Yesterday I also accidently called Beja "Buddy" again and I still do the odd time  even though it's almost been a year already and I cut his nails yesterday as well which I absolutely hate  doing as I always get bitten and scratched, and Buddy would let me cut his nails( he didn't like it but he'd sit there calmly in my lap and let me) and look at and fix his sore paws or ears, or pick something stuck in his fur, or look in his mouth, etc. but NOT Beja.

He bites me.

It's just NOT the same.

It never will be.

I will always miss him.

This is also MY beloved childhood toy from when I was 4.

That makes him 55 years old!

His name is Scottish Guy (pronounced Gee, with a hard "G" like in geese) because that's how Scottish people say "guy." as I decided he was a Scottish Terrier even though they're actually black and not red.

This is also the same toy my abuser threatened to throw and burn in the furnace if I ever told anyone he was molesting me.

It's also been 16 months in April since my mother died and it was also 16 months she was in the LTC home before she died.

This is also the 24 (soon-to-be 25) YR old when she was 2.

She also posted this photo up on her business with the caption:

"This is who you trust with your hair."

I think it's hilarious.

My hubby also insists that the word peoples is proper English but I disagree; you don't say Black peoples or White peoples or Chinese peoples, etc. you say Black people, White people ,Chinese people, etc. People is one of those "funny" English words where it stays the same singular and plural, like moose or deer. All day yesterday my stomach also really hurt and it still hurts today as well.

Ugh.

I also was woken up by the strong stink of skunk this morning and it was soooo bad it permeated my entire room!

This is one my fave. photos of some of the kids in Sea World in San Diego several years back and below was me at age 40(I like this photo; I actually look half-decent in this one) shortly after I had the youngest who is now 19. My labour with him was induced due to my liver failure and even though it WAS induced and I was already 4cm dilated before induction it still took 14 1/2 HRS (I've always had long, difficult labours; my first was 24 HRS!) yet even so it was still my shortest.

Yeah, I know, everything  has always been hard and  a struggle for me.

𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘥𝘥𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘶𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶.-The Shift Journal

 

Chuckle For Today.

 

Day By Day.

Somebody posted this video online getting their hair dyed rainbow and people kept saying how "gay" and stupid and ugly and retarded, etc. it was but I LIKE it!I think it's pretty! I think it looks cool, funky, bright, fun,cheerful, ...and just fun! I see it more like unicorn hair than LGBT. They said it cost a whopping 1K to have done though! Holy shit! The 24 YR old is a hair stylist and colourist and I know she can do fancy stuff like this.She's a professional now and that's her job and she works in a salon but she's been doing it ever since she was a teen. Hair and fashion has always been her "thing" and I remember her even having the rainbow hair( as well as experimenting with other "wild" colours) as well.

Yesterday as I was sitting at my computer in my little nook I distinctly felt a dog brushing against my leg like Buddy used to rub up against it and I thought it was Beja....except he was in another room....then shortly later he came in and kept furiously barking at something only he could see and the fur on his back was up and he kept backing up, cautious of whatever it was, making me wonder if Buddy maybe stopped by for a visit? I also can't believe next month it will be a year already since he died and we got Beja.

Yesterday my hubby also walked into the room crying and I was alarmed and said to him, "What's wrong? Are you ok? Did you hurt yourself?" and it turned out that the samosa I had just cooked was just too spicy for him and it made his eyes water! HA! I also for some reason thought yesterday was Sunday and I was convinced  and my hubby kept insisting  it was Friday and I wondered why he kept doing that and it was really annoying me, ha,ha,  and I know people can't be good at everything but *I'm* not good at anything and now all the snow's melted off the pool cover and it's just this big puddle of water left on top now the birds like to come and splash and bathe in and it's nice watching them.

I also heard this novel idea some people have of a 5 YR re-newable( or NOT) marriage contract which I think sounds like a pretty good idea and alternative to the traditonal marriage vow, esp. given 50% of marriages fail, and and I keep to myself and keep my "circle" small as well so that way there's less people to hurt and betray me and also less people to lose and grieve.

My life has taught me to NOT get too close to or to trust anyone ever again.

This is not how any human should live I'm genuinely so tired why did everything have to go wrong like this.-Angel

 

Weekend Words.

And sometimes you're happy Sometimes you cry Half of me is ocean Half of me is sky.-Tom Petty

It didn't last long enough.

I wish I could go back and stay there.

and squirrels,too.

Either the US is destroyed, or the US will destroy the world.-Korobotchka

We struggle too much for a life that can end at anytime.-Sadstona

Human wheels spin round and round While the clock keeps the pace. Human wheels spin round and round Help the light to my face.-John Mellencamp

And all around your island There's a barricade It keeps out the danger It holds in the pain.-Tom Petty

"Whenever a king sees that his people are about to revolt against him, he starts a war with another country." - Napoleon Bonaparte

The United States is everything they say Russia is, but worse.-Sizwe SikaMusi

All I want to do is work hard, spend a little, save a lot, and be able to enjoy my life. Unfortunately, I live in Canada.-Overalled FolksKell

Pronouns in bio is the easiest way to identify mental illness online. People wearing masks is the easiest way to identify mental illness in real life.-GovtExeIsCorrupt

A line from Black Sabbath: "Satan laughing spreads his wings."-TrueForge

The world would be a far more peaceful and prosperous place if the U.S. stopped interfering with other countries’ affairs.-Dr. Dan Goyal

I can’t stand living in a world like this.-Yazmi