Grief.

I found this on Quora:

People think grief begins when someone dies.
But it doesn’t.
It starts the moment you realize they might not make it.

Anticipatory grief is waking up each day knowing what is coming, while still trying to act like everything is okay.
It’s holding onto every memory, while quietly grieving at the same time.
It’s noticing the “last times” as they happen and pretending you didn’t.

You don’t lose them all at once.
You lose them little by little.
In pieces.

And you have to carry all of that while still being strong for them and giving them everything they need.

By the time they are gone, your heart has already been hurting for months, sometimes even years.

So no, the hardest part wasn’t only losing them.
It was knowing all along that you were going to.

by 

Nora Hladíkova

 

Musing For The Day.

 

Hey,May!

Well, the mystery of the unpicked-up recycling bin has finally been solved: yesterday I noticed the Sticker Of Shame on the left-behind bin: it said it hadn't been sorted "properly" even though when I looked at it it looked fine. I couldn't see anything wrong with it; it was all cardboard & paper. I think they're just being picky. Yesterday I also got locked outside in the backyard even though I did unlock the door so my guess would be some asshole locked me out but I just went around to the unlocked side door to get back inside. Beja and I had another nice outside day as well. A neighbour was also cutting his grass( we haven't had to yet) and I just *LOVE* the smell of fresh-cut grass but my allergies not so much.

Look, even his shadow is cute! I'll never get tired of taking or posting photos of this cute little guy and it's "funny" as well how I see him as my sweet little baby but the squirrels see him as that mean, nasty Chihuahua bully, ha,ha.  He's also shedding his winter coat so now I have "Chihuahua glitter" on my clothes. I also heard Stairway To Heaven again  as I woke up during the night. I also heard the average house in this area costs between 600-700K which is waaaay more than we could ever afford and even if we sold this house we wouldn't even get half  that so we wouldn't even be able to afford to buy anything else or to move.

Yesterday my hubby left for pickleball and came back just minutes later as he forgot his cell phone and he groused to me, "The ONE TIME you forget to remind me ' Did you remember your water bottle? Your keys? Your cell phone? etc?' I didn't!" but I was busy watching the news and it makes me wonder whatever will he do when I die and not here to remind him? I swear, he's just like a little kid and it reminds me of when I was in Kindergarten and the teacher had to pin notes for our parents on our shirts. 😂 I'm surprised he doesn't have to wear Idiot Mitts  with the strings attached to them(so he doesn't lose them) in winter,too! HA!

This morning I also soaked in a jasmine bath-bomb bath and it was just sooooo luxurious and nice and last time it was a blue and purple one but when it mixed it turned the water a gross black colour, and being sick my hubby hasn't got groceries in over a week now( even though he still did go to pickleball!) and we're almost out of food and even dishwasher detergent pods (First World problems, I know) making me wonder if in a "pinch" I could substitute the laundry detergent pods instead, I mean, soap is soap, right, and it gets washed off with the water. I also saw these balls yesterday and I had the exact same one as a kid and I loved it. It was one of my fave. things and seeing it brought back so many happy memories and nostalgia.

I prefer to live in the past because things were much better then and I was happy.

Someday I will reconnect with those parts of myself that I abandoned when I needed to survive.-Ele

 

Pondering For Today.

Still the BEST!

 

I Go Different.

Behold!

The glorious donair.

I had this last night and I haven't had it in forever (I thoroughly loved it!!!!) and the price had gone waaaaay up! The last time I had one it was a reasonable 8.95$....and now it was an outrageous 16.95$ and for the same size! It used to be 8.95$ for a small( the size I got) and 14.95$ for a medium and 16.95$ for a large and 19.99$ for a jumbo.

Holy f*cking SHIT!!!!

My hubby groused at THAT price ".....and it will be a long time until you have it again,too!!"

Everything has just gone up soooo much in price lately, most things have even doubled  in price or close to it, like my coconut oil that used to cost 25$ and is now 45$.

I remember when we were kids/teens we used to save up our $$$ to buy records & posters for our bedroom walls but now as adults you have to save $$$ to buy gas  which is now almost 2$ a litre!

I also heard the cutest thing the other day: a guy's 2 YR old didn't follow the rest of the family but went into another room on her own and announced, "I go different" and I thought it was the cutest thing ever and I should use it as my motto in life. I also found these photos of vintage hair barrettes and ponytail  thingies I used to have when I was a little kid(the exact same ones!) and it brought back happy nostalgic memories and I loved them even though my hair was so thin(it still is, uuuuuggggghhh!)  the barrettes always kept slipping out (and sometimes wouldn't close)and the "ball" things hurt my head.

Yesterday the lazy recycling also left one bin behind yet again making my hubby wonder if they're just maybe being picky and think they're not 'sorted properly' or whatever.

Well, they can suck it.

I'm so tired of this shit.

Just do your job.

Tomorrow my hubby and the youngest also leave for Waterloo( I'd thought he'd said Windsor before, but it's something that starts with "W" so he either told me the wrong thing or else I heard it wrong; either one is possible) and I get a bit of a break home alone, and they have a new Governor General now and all anyone seems to care about is that she speaks French and I don't get why everyone always makes such a big deal about French all the time either, as long as you can speak ONE of the 2 official languages, and the FIFA World Cup isn't until next month(I think...) and I'm already  tired of always hearing about it!

No one talks about how heartbreaking it is to see your life slipping away because of your mental health.-omgsidewalks

 

Thursday Thoughts.

"Are you okay?" No, I just wanna feel loved without the feeling like a burden.-Zack

Buddy forever.

All I have now is trauma. A trauma that is forever stuck in my mind, body, and heart.-Brenda Fasiha

Wait....you mean they don't have them anymore?

I've got a ticket to see AC/DC!

Whole-ass it.

I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear.