Daily Pondering.

 

Complete & Utter Shite.

Yesterday and today are *REALLY* bad  days.

I'm in soooooooo much pain!!

I feel like complete & utter shite.

Yesterday I had a headache soooooo bad and my abdomenal and back pain was sooooo bad  I felt like I was going to barf from the pain and I didn't know which one was worse and at one point I felt so cold and chilled as well I couldn't stop shivering and even my teeth were chattering and when I tried to take my BP the cuff squeezed my arm so tight I thought it would explode and the numbers kept going up and up, past 200 and then it said ERROR.....so it either needs new batteries or else I'm a goner.

I also had the burning pain deep in my chest again and the feeling of a big lump stuck in my throat and today it's even worse: the abdomenal pain is sooooo bad all I can do is rock with the pain(easily a 7 or 8 out of 10 on the pain scale) and I keep feeling like I'm going to pass out and I know it's really bad too because I do what I do when I'm in severe pain I'm on the "edge" of no longer being able to bear: I go really quiet and "withdraw" into myself. I also had actual real  sharp pains in my chest this morning as I lay in bed before I got up as well, it was even hard to move,so much so I honestly thought THIS IS IT  and I just lay down petting Beja and praying, waiting for The End.

Maybe today is finally The Day?

Yesterday I also saw my Angel Bird and heard Stairway To Heaven again and my hubby fell asleep on the couch and had a nap, still adjusting to the time difference and now he knows how I feel every day; I always feel jet-lag tired and need a nap every day just trying to survive life. Yesterday as I opened the back door to let Beja out to pee I was also startled by a biiiig raccoon 5 times his size out on the porch and it was only 4 pm or so and not even dark yet so I shooed it away. They don't normally come out until night. This is exactly why though I never leave him outside alone.

With it raining all day yesterday(we should finally be able to get back out today! Yay!) I also watched 2 movies I had my hubby download for me: Disclosure Day and Toy Story 5 both of which I liked and enjoyed, but Toy Story 5 was in Spanish( he never checks ahead of time and just assumes they're in English) so from now on I'm going to see the Toy Story characters as Spanish! Disclosure Day  also had French subtitles,too, so if I couldn't hear something I didn't miss anything because I could just read the subtitles, and I heard Taylor Swift had comedian( and I don't even think he's really even all that funny but more of a doofus) Adam Sandler officiate her wedding and  I think that would be just like having an Elvis impersonator marry you in Vegas. 

 My hubby also said 9 August is when the 31 YR has to move OUT of his current dorm but so far has no move-in date for his new one(but obviously before school starts in early September)....meaning he'll be moving back here for a few weeks, afterall,  and I really don't miss things like "I can't find my backpack!" "Where are my shoes?" "I only have 1 sock!" "He hit me!" "She started it!" "I know you are, but what am I?" etc.

The kids also used to call us "Mama" and "Papa" when they were little and now they still affectionately call my hubby "Papa" but now I've been "downgraded" to the more formal "Mother."

I don't miss the kids at all.

Retirement is really nice.

I have the miserable until you kill yourself disorder.-Saccharine.

 

Today's Truth.

 

Final Notice.

Yesterday I got a FINAL NOTICE in the mail( shown above here) saying they're going to send my passport back if I don't pick it up so it's a good thing my hubby got back when he did and I picked it up just the day before!

Whew!

Just in time!!

That was a close one!

Today I also have such baaaaad abdomenal and back pain I just want to scream  and feel like I'm going to barf from the pain and wonder if I might even have a bowel twisting or obstruction as well( not uncommon with Diverticulitis) given the pain and the fact that I keep feeling like I have to shit but nothing comes out. I also only have one bath bomb left now and today should be the last day of the heatwave and daily rain and storms and starting tomorrow the highs should "only" be in the 30C range and not in the 40Cs and hopefully Beja and I can get back outside again. I really missed it.

For the past 2 days or so I also have that burning pain deep in the middle of my chest  and my heart racing at times,too,and a feeling of a big "lump" stuck in my throat again I  assume is just baaad indigestion from the dosa I ate but one day I'll probably have an actual heart attack and just assume it's heartburn.

I also got this yummy frozen drink from Tim Hortons. I don't drink coffee and their donuts suck but they do have some cool summer drinks and this one tasted like sour orange Creamsicle with real sugared cream and it was GOOD. It also had Pop Rocks  on the top that crackled and danced in your mouth. We also eat so much rice people will think we're Asian, ha,ha, and I constantly worry my mother's creditors will come for the house to settle her debts and I'll be sued and forced to sell and move even though I've never owed any debts in my life and it's not fair or right that I could lose my house to pay off her  debts which should have died with her and aren't my  problem or responsibility.

Why should I  be punished and have to suffer for it?

I also just *LOVE* Princess Catherine's beautiful gown, and she has such beautiful clothes just like Princess Diana did before her, and I can still remember having that glossy colour book of Princess Diana and all her fancy outfits when I was 15, and I read online someone saw her little Yorkie get run over by a car and it's the most horrific  tragic thing ever and that will leave her traumatized forever and something she'll never forget or get over and that image will be burned into her mind forever. I also saw a dinosaur hatch from an egg on TV and it was pouring rain and that's exactly how I feel in life,too: as soon as I hatch it's raining. The 31 YR old also moves into his new university dorm on 9 August but I just hope he moves directly from the one he's in now directly to the new one and doesn't move back here in-between.

We finally got him to move out; I don't want him moving back  again( or "hogging" up Beja and undoing all the progress I made bonding with him) and all I have in life now is my dog.

Something about bringing life into the world makes the veil between heaven and earth feel very thin.-Dr. Abby Johnson

 

Weekend Words.

😂😂

"Where did this bruise come  from?"

Kentucky-style!

i fantasize about people finding me dead so they realize how bad it really was.-21

A child's birthday is also the anniversary of the day a woman became a mother.-Ous'b

You can still love people even if they make mistakes.

I geniunely wish I killed myself when I was 12.-Natalieshtwt

Play stupid games and win stupid prizes.

Her life was miserable. But it’s like waiting for the other shoe to fall. When he wasn’t making her life miserable, there was the fear that disaster could present itself at any minute. That’s a horrible way to live.-Kathy Pennell

The older I get, the more I totally understand why old people tell everyone to fuck off.-EmMama

My Babushka watched that!

Everything I’ve learned about Taylor Swift’s wedding I’ve learned against my will.-LinkLauren

Canada is a shitty place to live. That's it. That's the post .-PotatoRustler

Plus intrusive and invasive background check, home inspection, etc. You'd think you were adopting a child.

Mrs. McDonald is a skanky 'ho!

Your current difficulties are not a punishment. They are simply preparation for the wonderful things that await you along the way. Keep moving forward, because the world is waiting for your story.=Nigina Juraeva

Why do I have to jump off something or hang myself to die? To die, why does it require a process? Just let me fade out naturally, okay?-Flrakg

Humans are demanding, resourceful, and unpredictable creatures.-Lucia Ferrer

At least they died together.

I'd do the same thing.

I'm tired of myself. I want to die soon.-iatinhs123

I have no desire to live so stop asking me to change or try new things.-Ari

If I die, I won't have to suffer anymore.-Frzrnk

Canada is a one star hotel with five star costs.-Shazi

What am I even living for?-Zero

I don’t belong anywhere.-Lina

“Everybody fucking hates me” was ingrained in me at 8 years old so now to this day no matter how close someone is to me i will always wonder if they actually like being my friend.-Kelsy

FACT.

I have no problem eating alone, traveling alone, doing everything alone. People act like that’s sad. You know what’s actually sad? Never doing anything because you couldn’t find someone to come with you.-HeavensBvnny