Daily Musing.

 

Bubble Me.

I tried to "initiate" Beja into the "Official Chihuahua Club" by "Bubbling" him, something my BFF and I made up for our Chihuahuas when we were 12(and Buddy is an "honourary" member being a Dachshund; he was an exception) but it failed miserably; he quickly pulled his head back in anger and tried to bite my face off so I guess he's still not mine.

Not really.

There will always be this barrier I can never seem to break thru.

I know that no one will ever love me like Buddy did but I wish he would at least love me the way he loves my hubby & the 31 YR old though, esp. since he is my  dog.

I also can't believe it's already past the middle of July and I still have the really baaaad abdomenal pain & cramps and bad back and this morning I also woke up with a blinding headache as well. It really would be nice to have a day without pain but it's been so long I can't remember what that feels like. I also saw something I haven't seen for a couple of days with the wildfire smoke: a blue sky! My legs hurt for the past few days as well, sore, achy, weak, tired, heavy, numb, tingling, and my left leg is swollen almost twice the size of my right leg so maybe I have vascular/circulation issues?

A good thing about the wildfire smoke( which also makes Beja's eyes all watery and makes mine sting & burn,too) is no one will be able to notice when I smoke mi ganja now and when I was out in the yard opening up a can of pop a woman next door cracked about me, "Now she's cracking open a cold one!" meaning beer, even though it was actually a caffeine-free diet cola and I don't even drink alcohol so suck it, bitch, and now Americans are mad and hate and blame us for the wildfire smoke wafting over to them, as if we do it on purpose  (what are they going to do, tariff us 20%?)and are even threatening to annex and invade us and start a war, proving they're even dumber than I originally gave them credit for and possibly the dumbest people on Earth and did they forget that California also has wildfires and when they did we sent over water bombers to help?

 If your neighbour's house is on fire you'd normally feel badly for them and NOT be mad because of all the smoke and burnt smell on the street, but they're a bunch of assholes so they can just consider the smoke a big old fart from us to them,  and even though I think Canada sucks,too, I'm like my cousin; he knew and agreed his mother (my aunt)was a bitch and even said so himself but when his friends said it he got mad and defended her.

With the smoke my chest hurts as well and it's harder for me to breathe( esp. with my breathing issues) and the Maskhole sheeple  are back again wearing masks like during Covid and people are afraid to go outside and are cancelling outdoor events,etc. but life goes on and it's summer and people want to be outside and not trapped indoors all day and I won't be intimidated  and as I was sitting out yesterday I felt what I first thought were raindrops falling on me but it was actually ash from the wildfires and I can only imagine how it must be for the poor people actually living thru it! 

I also get sad every time I eat ramen noodles now as my mother used to always have me save the juice for her she'd drink like a tea but now she's gone I don't have to save it anymore or anyone to save it for and I even like it when characters in books, TV, movies, etc. find love even though I know it's not real and just pretend because it's still happy  and sometimes I can't tell the difference between it and reality either as I even find myself praying for characters too, that things will work out ok for them, so I guess  it means I'm not only crazy but also empathetic as well which isn't a bad thing.

The hardest thing about carrying sadness is that the world still expects you to keep moving as if nothing is wrong.-Somboy

 

Today's Pondering.

 

Apocalyptic.

Yesterday and today with the wildfire smoke it was dark all the time. It looked like night all day. It was just as dark at Noon as it was at 8pm.

The sky looked Apocalyptic.

It also smells really gross, smoky, burnt, acrid, and like a gigantic campfire. It also smells like our house after the fire.

Yesterday it was 28C with a humidex of 34C but you'd never know it as the smoke blocked out the sun and it was breezy so it was actually quite nice out there and a blessed relief from the sweltering heat we've had lately feeling in the 40Cs and we got to be outside for a long time but with the smoke it made my breathing worse and Beja was even cold and snuggled under a blanket.

Toronto was also rated the # 1 worst for air quality in the world  yesterday due to it, even worse than New Delhi! HA!

It was so dark this is how dark it was inside the house at 2pm. It looked like it was nighttime and I was surprised actually that the raccoons and bats didn't come out thinking it was night. The birds and squirrels also have already eaten most of the mulberries off our trees and  kids have only been off for summer vacation for just over 2 weeks now and I already saw a back-to-school ad on TV the other day which I think is just mean, and there's also this show called Surviving Earth  I saw a commercial for and that's what all  of us are just trying to do on a daily basis, just survive Earth.

This was also looking out the window yesterday how dark and hazy it looked outside, and now my hubby says they'll be away Sunday and Monday but before he said Saturday & Sunday but this is actually better as he was supposed to do a BBQ( finally! Yay!) on Saturday....except it's now forecasted to rain & storm( doesn't it figure?) so he'll just have to be out there holding an umbrella,ha,ha, and if it's the second-oldest's friend getting married then why do they even have to go, even to visit, esp. since they just SAW her last month in Vancouver? It just seems so suspicious to me, I don't mind though as I get a nice 2 day break here alone with just Beja. The other day my hubby also took him around the side of the house with him and couldn't find his leash so he just used a luggage strap which I thought was clever and he looked so handsome in his harness.

I also noticed a pea-sized hard bump on my left shin in the middle I wonder if it might be bone cancer,or cancer that's spread to the bone, and I said to Beja, "Ooooh, would you look at that! What a handsome boy!" and the youngest was walking by at the same time and replied, I know I am!  HA!  I also like having secrets that no one knows about except for me, not even my family( or some that just my mother and I had) as it's something just for me that no one else knows about. I've had to keep secrets my whole life so it's just a way of life for me but it's also sort of "comforting" in a way too as it's just become my norm and I like having private parts of my life that just belong to me.

I’m absolutely devastated. He was my everything. My whole life revolved around him and now he’s gone and I’m so lost. So lost.-Kerri Nemo Nebs

 

Thursday Thoughts.

We weren't sissies back then; we were warriors!

It smells like a campfire,too.

That would be a 40C plus and f*ck you degrees.

Just wait until they're 13!

You are my reason to live.

You feel happier remembering good times than actually living them.-Anxhela Leka

We carry enough guilt already. We question every decision. We lie awake wondering if we're making the right choices. We don't need someone adding to that burden by implying we aren't doing enough. What we need is respect.-Sara Glenn

Never wait for the perfect time to take the picture. Don’t wait until you lose the weight, do your hair, or feel more confident. Get in the frame anyway.-Sarah Elmer

and we liked it!!

I’m screaming inside watching people live their lives while I’m over here dying inside. I just miss him so much and my heart hurts.-Kerri Nemo Nebs

I will never understand people's fascination with genealogy. Isn’t knowing your current family bad enough?-Mike Bales