Musing For Today.

 

Hazy Dazy Summer Days.

The heatwave and rain finally ended so yesterday Beja and I were able to get back outside again and I really missed it(I think he did,too) and we spent all day out, all morning and afternoon! I was wondering why I was so hot though when the high was forecasted to be only 23C so I came in and checked the weather and it was actually 28C with a humidex of 32C so that was why! Here I thought it was just my hormones with menopause! HA!  I also saw the funniest thing: a squirrel chasing a chipmunk out of a tree so I guess it must have been his  tree and he didn't want any visitors. My hubby also cut that big 20 foot or so tree branch that fell into smaller pieces using a chainsaw and luckily passed the finger count test and still has all 10 fingers left afterwards which is a good thing since I don't drive and couldn't drive him to the ER and by the time an ambulance arrives( I've had to wait 25 minutes before!) he'd bleed out.Plus, they'd still make him wait 8-12 HRS to be seen and then just say it's "Just a small cut" and give him a Band-Aid. My abdomenal pain is bad enough for the ER too but I'm not waiting 8-12 HRS. I'd rather sit outside in the sun and just wait it out and whatever happens, happens.

My abdomenal and back pain was also sooooo bad yesterday I just wanted to scream it from the mountains, hilltops and valleys and Beja could sense I was in really rough shape too as he wouldn't leave my side all day and at naptime he even slept on my pillow right beside my head to keep a closer eye on me instead of entwined in my legs like he usually does and it's these long, hot, hazy, lazy summer days  with crickets, cicadas, milkweed, wildflowers, etc.that I cherish and love and that memories last for years and one of my fave. childhood memories is riding horses bareback thru a field and in the woods.

It felt like total freedom.

Yesterday for some unknown bizarre reason I was also locked out of my Apple account "for security reasons" and all the songs on my iPod disappeared so naturally I was shitting bricks but my hubby was thankfully able to recover some of them but not all, only 400 or so and I HAD over 2K......so where are all the others and what happened and why does this shit always happen to me all the time? I also went to check and see if the laundry was dry and then realized I'd forgotten to even put it in the dryer and it was 4 hours later. I'm really "losing" it and yesterday seemed to also "drag" on and go by really slow and when it was just 2 pm for instance it felt like it should have been much later like at least 4 or 5 pm and I figure if aliens DO exist they're probably much nicer than humans are and if not and I die at least I'll be with God and when I was younger I used to hope and pray I would get better-looking when I grew up but now I'm older it's even worse: not only am I still ugly but now with menopause I'm also fat,too!

I didn't lose my faith in God. I lost my faith in humanity.

 

Monday Memes.

I don't have abandonment issues I'm actually very good at being abandoned.-realyuriyearners

I wonder if there’s anyone who would grieve if I were to kill myself.-anemu-utsu

In Canada your teen can learn about trans and gay sex at school, they can get puberty blockers and sex changes, they can use safe consumption sites, and soon may even qualify for maid, but sure social media is bad!!-MichelleLA

I wish I’d had a life where I never even considered suicide.-Gray50

I'm living without living, I'm dying without being able to die.-Karo

Why amI like this I think I deserve to die.-Sien

You were fine before them and you'll be better after them.-Stressed

The wreckage of my past keeps haunting me It just won't leave me alone I still find it all a mystery Could it be a dream? The road to nowhere leads to me.-Ozzy Osbourne

I have relatives like that!

I am a failure, I am stupid, I am ugly, I am unloved, I am a loser forever, I am finished, I am unlucky, I am bad, I am devastated, I am broken, I am hated, I never want to be me.-Fiona

I think a LOT of people fail to realize that a lot of suicidal people actually love life. they want to live, but they're either in too much pain, too disconnected, or feel too much like a burden to other people that it feels like they have no choice but to take the route they do.-ScootScoot

A lot of socializing involves performative interest and I simply do not give a shit.-KushBarbie

Every day I go to sleep with more and more reasons to kill myself.-Dae

I couldn't move forward because moving forward felt like erasing him.-Isabella

Sometimes the deepest wounds are caused not by cruel world but, by silent exclusion.-Ankit Kumar Singh

Jah Jah bless the Rastaman Brick by brick and stone by stone We gonna tear down Babylon's throne Oppressors cannot stand in our way Righteousness must rule one day.-10 ft. Ganja PLant

Depression will kill me sooner or later.-Mafu

If I die, everything ends. Let's die.-heungacnayo

I always knew Santa was a pervert!😂

I want to die soon and escape from myself to find some relief.-iatinihs123

Friends come and go but nothing will ever cut you deeper than losing a dog.-Matt

Look! An LGBT!😂

I don’t need the suicide hotline or anything like that—I’d rather they distribute drugs that allow for euthanasia.-iatinihs123

That thread was torn from me. Broken completely. And since then, I have been searching for the other end, trying to find the part of my heart that left with him.-Technology Viral

Sometimes I sit here and just cry cause life was never supposed to be like this.-Xqiuzx

It's physically painful to watch society get less and less intelligent, more evıł, weird, and devoid of empathy every single day.-omgsidewalks

I truly believe there is no pain in this world quite like losing your dog.-Kristyina Bolten

The last time I was a proud Canadian is when the Freedom Convoy took place in 2022. Since then … nope! What a shithole Canada has become…-Laci Knight

When your dog dies, the world freezes. It's a gut punch to your system.