Daily Truth.

 

Immortal.

Yesterday the 31 YR old and his GF went out for a walk and left the door open and Beja ran out after them but luckily I was in the living room at the time getting ready to watch the news and saw, so I ran out after him and he was running alongside them all the way almost past the neighbour's house and his excuse was "He wants to come with us" and I scolded it was careless and dangerous to have him just running loose on the street like that without a leash and he could easily have run off onto the road and been hit by a car but he was clueless and didn't see my concern.

I know he's an adult and I can't tell him what to do anymore but when he's in my house he should respect my rules(and that incl. keeping my dog safe) and if he won't then he has to find somewhere else to stay.

I've had enough of him and I'm done.

So last night I tried again.

I swallowed a couple of handfuls of pills, Trazadone and Benadryl.....but nothing happened.

As usual.

As always.

Just MY "luck."

The only effects were I slept really well(and right thru the night!)  and peed myself during the night and today I'm really dizzy and stagger around like a drunk ,blurry and double vision, brain fog,and my blog took more than twice as long to do.

Why can't God just take me and let me die? Why does He insist on prolonging my suffering? 

My guess is He must still have plans for me, but what?

I must be immortal I've survived (it must be close to 10 now) so many suicide attempts despite my best efforts.

But why?

Seriously God, what the f*ck?

I'm  sure his GF stayed the night again as well, esp. since he sneaked her out this morning just past 8 am thinking I woudn';t notice but I notice and know more than he thinks  I do,despite knowing how I feel about it, making me feel powerless and helpless in my own home, total disrespect and ill-regard for my feelings and the rules in my house and my hubby said he'd give him a "warning" which I doubted he'd actually do but he DID talk to him and at least this weekend he's going to be staying at his GF's  which is good....but what about the next 3 weeks or so? How am I going to ever get thru that?

 I tried   once again to remove myself from the equation but it never works.

Killing myself would also be my final act of love and doing everyone a favour as well as they'd be happier and better off without me.

Aiiiii, Chihuahua! 😂

The 31 YR old also said his GF never wants to have kids and neither does he so it works out; the problem would be if one wanted them and the other doesn't or if one changes their mind sometime later on,  and Beja is still mine even if I'm not his.

Even if I never was.

It's just the same old story; I love someone more than they love me.

Sometimes a painful ending can lead to a beautiful new beginning.-FeelGoodTales

 

Weekend Words.

We were warriors.

Order, fairness, safety, justice. Most of the time we get that. Plenty of times we don’t. It’s an illusion.-NH

It was always written on my report card,too: "Talks too much in class."

I wanna go back And do it all over But I can't go back I know I wanna go back Cause I'm feeling so much older But I can't go back I know.-Eddie Money

But on my tombstone when I go Just put "Death by rock and roll".-The Pretty Reckless

There are 2 versions of you and your life: the one the world sees and the one that you see

Kiss mi ras.

Mr. cab driver f*ck you, I'm a survivor.-Lenny Kravitz

Like love and happiness.

I'm sorry, so sorry I give my life a try Forgive me, forgive me I didn't say goodbye So it's goodbye (bye, bye).-Ozzy Osbourne

Can't change me, can't change me No matter how you try You break me, forsake me Right now, I wanna die.-Ozzy Osbourne