2 Choices.

Out of the 24 sunflower seeds I planted I only ever got 5 seedlings that grew and out of those original 5 yesterday I only had 2 left but one of them had fallen over and as i gently picked it up to lean it against a fork for support( yes, a plastic fork; it works well) the stem broke off at the bottom, leaving me now with just one  left(shown here) now starting to sprout it's true leaves, all the others gone now, sort of like sunflower miscarriages. last year I ended up with over 25 full-grown sunflowers so I don't know why this year it's so hard and they're either all duds or they keep getting dug up and eaten. meanwhile the neighbour I call Mr. Sunflower  has healthy and hardy flowers growing no problem like he always does and I wonder what his secret is? How does he manage to do so every year without having the seeds eaten? So now it leaves me with 2 choices: since there's only one left now and it will probably most likely end up dying sometime soon too do I just give up and let nature take it's course or do I still continue on trying to save it, esp. since it's proven to be a strong survivor and continues to fight and live, reminding me of myself? Do I still continue with the effort of watering, fertilizing, cultivating,and sheltering for the one plant, putting in as much effort as I would for 2 dozen of them, all for just one flower in the end, or do I just admit defeat and give up?

I decided as long as it's still alive I'm going to fight for it. It's trying hard to survive and I'm not going to give up on it. It at least deserves a chance to survive and I'm going to give it the best chance and if against all odds it does  survive and bloom into a full-grown sunflower in a few months I will appreciate it even more because it tried so hard to survive and it's the only one I have left. Yesterday my mother was also sitting out on the veranda when she felt soft fur brush past her hand and she looked down and saw a ringed tail; it was a raccoon and it came right up to her and tried to steal her chicken sandwich! I told  her that putting food out for the squirrels was a bad idea as now it's also attracting raccoons,too! The 27 YR old also said all I do is shit and sleep, making me sound like a dog, but I also sit outside and smoke weed,too, and the kids are grown up now and I'm "retired" and I've earned my rest and can do whatever I want now.

All yesterday afternoon and evening I also kept smelling on and off the overwhelming smell of acetone-like nail polish remover- and it was overpowering and no one else smelled it so maybe it was of those "phantom smells"? my hubby said it was "ketone breath"; that I have diabetes, except it wasn't my breath; it was a really strong smell  that kept premeating my nose, sort of like sometimes just as I'm being put "under" for surgery and I smell this weird "gassy" smell just before I go "out", and also like the burning rubber on the wire insulation we smelled the days before our fire,too, which is what really scares me; what if it's the same thing again? Rotting citrus fruit can also smell like acetone too so maybe there's just a rotting orange somewhere,too? I also made old-fashioned popcorn yesterday,too, like I used to have as a kid; popping kernels in oil on a pot on the stove and adding melted butter and salt and it's the absolute best  popcorn ever and nothing beats it, and I realized I talk to my laundry as well, OK, here we go, time to go into the dryer, and I wonder if I'm the only one or if other people do that,too? I also saw the best insult ever from someone on Twitter, they were talking about Trudeau: calling him a smegma-faced turd rider.

I also saw a good suggestion on Twitter  the other day as well; someone said Americans should donate their guns to Ukraine, as well as one of the saddest, most pathetic things: an American said that the price of living in a free society is leearning to live with mass shootings. How awful! In NO WAY is that ever  to be acceptable or to be considered normal or tolerable! WTF? They have to do something about their gun problem!! I'm so fat too I look like one of those stereotypical fat Hawaiians that play the ukelele or Japanese Sumo wrestlers and I keep having this recurring dream as well I keep missing a flight to Germany; something always happens that prevents me from boarding and also frequent dreams I visit and talk to my Babushka and aunt, both dead for years, so I wonder if that means that I'm going to die soon,too? I also saw somewhere someone wisely said how when you love someone you have to realize too that people change over time and that you also have to still love the new  person that they've become, who they are now as well, and bitches that kill their babies thru abortion always say my body, my choice! too but fail to understand one very important factor,too: it's the baby's body, not theirs, and it's the baby's body that they're killing.

It's better to be feared than loved.- Machiavelli