Truth For The Day.

 

Chin-Sun-Doh.

Check this out! A big sore pimple on the middle of my right cheek! It's one of those really big tender sore ones too that just brings tears to your eyes when you try to squeeze it; you know, the kind that has lots of pus and gunk in it that just shoots right out but it's not quite "ripe" yet. A nice big chin-sun-doh as they say in Mandarin. Yesterday and today my mid to upper back on the left side also really hurts as well, making me wonder if perhaps I have a pulmonary embolism or something, esp. since my cough is so bad and I also feel dizzy. I swear, my body is slowly killing me. I also did decide to get the new dreadlocks style afterall, even though it ended up costing me over 300$ (and over 1K in total for the 4 different locs styles over time) but we all have to pay for the important things in life and it's worth  the $$$ though if it's something important and that matters and means alot to you and makes you feel happy and better about yourself and brings joy to your life and makes you happy.

You have to enjoy life while you're still alive,right?

Live the life you love.

This is also my fave. part of my house( as well as my backyard) : the stained glass window in our front door, esp. when the sun shines thru just right; I just think it's so pretty. and this morning it's a cold 1 C and we even had a frost warning overnight(and they said we might even get -gasp!-wet snow- so it's a good thing the 29 YR old's boss harvested his cannabis crops just  in time, and the curling club also had free lessons, etc. and I still had no interest and didn't go; they couldn't even pay me and it has to be one of the most boring  and lame things ever invented,too,it figures it was invented in this shithole, and I saw this commercial on TV for a restuarant that looked really good I wanted to try out and I assumed it was in or near Toronto since it was during the Toronto news but when I asked Alexa it said it was all the way in Montreal!

Shit.

I also found these beautiful photos of sunsets on tropical beaches for my Facebook cover photo. Can you guess which one I picked? When my hubby mentioned about the 25 YR wanting to possibly move to the East Coast I said to him does she know how they get really bad winters there and hurricanes in the fall and what does her BF have to say about that? Does he want to move with her or will they end up going their own separate ways, etc? and he said I "always complicate things" but you don't just pick up and move; it's a more complicated process than that, and maybe he doesn't want to leave his job, his friends, etc. behind  and likes where he is,and there are lots of things you have to consider first and alot of logistics and planning you have to really think thru.

My hubby also said today he gets his toe "casted"  and at first I thought he meant get a cast put on it which I thought was odd since you don't get toes casted but taped, but he's actually getting a mold of his toes made for an orthotic for his torn tendon and it costs a whopping 450$ too but luckily his employee insurance covers 80% of it, and tomorrow he also has to go in to Toronto for work. I wonder if they'll even let him keep the cast/mold after as sort of a momento/ souvenir? I asked to be able to keep my gallbladder when it was taken out too but they said I couldn't; after the pathology lab checked it by law it had to be thrown out as "medical waste."

Too bad.

The 17 YR old also left his dish on the table for almost a week(ewww!!) as I'm not cleaning up after him(I'm not his slave) and now it all has bugs in it as well as green & white fuzzy mouldy stuff on it and the 29 YR old laughed that Trudeau is so  corrupt & scandalous he's "Canada's version of Trump" and now Israel even burned people ALIVE in  make-shift hospital tents (a new low, even for them) but of course the mainstream media didn't cover it; not one single mention and more and more each day I'm convinced that Netanyahu must be the Anti-Christ.I also heard this nice Hebrew word : mushka ( pronounced mooshka)that means "little soul" or "little one" and I'm considering even maybe naming my next dog that I like it so much and just think it's so sweet.

When you have lived chaos since birth, and chased it your whole life, there will be some consequences.-Chris Freyler

 

Thought For Today.

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

We had our Thanksgiving meal yesterday and are having the left-overs today(so I don't have to cook and get a day off; yahoo!!) and it might even end up being the last one for either my mother or I (or maybe even both?) or at least together, and of all the things I'm thankful to God for I'm most thankful for Buddy who is the light and purpose in my life, and he still remembered my mother too who came over for dinner....and after all that( and ordering us to get more turkey) she never even ate anything either other than a piece of pie( and then grumbled because we didn't have any whipped cream) because she already had a big Thanksgiving meal(with all the "trimmings") at lunch at the LTC home and the 29 YR old and I joke that she "cheated" on us with another turkey and cranberry sauce, and we even specifically got cranberry sauce just for her,too, as no one else eats it we'll now just save for Christmas dinner.So it turned out we got that extra turkey all for nothing  and she only stayed less than 2 hours too until she said she was "too tired" and wanted to go back!

I also can't believe it's almost the middle of October already and yesterday was so cold and windy I couldn't even sit outside and it was either tonight or tomorrow it's supposed to go down to 0C overnight,too, and now sunrise isn't until 7:20 am so it's still really dark when I get up and sunset is early,now too; at 6:30 pm!

Shit!

My hubby also said now they've switched pickleball to indoors it's now Saturday afternoon instead of mornings like it used to be so now I have to switch all around and visit my mother in the morning instead of the afternoon now and I *HATE* it that his stupid pickleball always ruins everything and how everything always revolves around that all the time and he shrugs They have a schedule; YOU don't! Well, yeah, asshole, I do,actually, and it's on Saturday mornings I always listen to my Flashback radio show from 8-Noon, not that anyone ever  cares about MY plans.My hubby also said the 25 YR said she'd "Like to live in PEI" (is she a Anne of Green Gables fan, perhaps?) or anywhere in the Maritimes really, 

The lady who did my dreads also has this other new style( shown here) and I just love and am seriously considering getting, and I heard a great new insult online yesterday,too:

Porking great throbber

My hubby also accidently said the N-Word yesterday as well! Him and the 29 YR old and I were in the kitchen talking and it just came out of his mouth out of nowhere, utterly shocking us all,incl. himself,and you should have seen the look on his face when he realized what he said, and I was just shocked and horrified and gasped, WHAT did you just say? Oh, my God! Why would you say that? What's wrong with you?

Hezbollah also did a drone attack on an army base in Israel as retaliation for invading Lebanon, and unlike Israel who targets civilians, they just target military targets and Israel now even targets UN *PEACEKEEPERS* now,too, as well as schools, hospitals, refugee camps, civilian neighbourhoods, relief agencies, and the typical Western crap too: these countries are tired of being attacked and invaded by places like USA and Israel, etc. so when they form military groups in defense like Hezbollah, Hamas, ISIS, Taliban, Houthis, etc. they get called terrorists when they try to defend themselves. I also had a dream last night I was kissing a guy  who called me his GF and I didn't want my hubby to see (even though he most likely has a mistress of his own) and I smiled and thought to myself, Everything is right with the world; we're together like we were always meant to be.

I tried to be perfect It just wasn't worth it Nothing could ever be so wrong It's hard to believe me It never gets easy I guess I knew that all along.-Sum 41

 

I'm Retarded.

I found this on Quora  and something in it just hit me like-BAM!-that's me!

Chris Freyler

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Writer at Medium The Company (2021–present)Fri

Can horrible abuse leave you emotionally retarded?

That’s a new one! That might be just the label I was looking for to settle this confusion of what “label” to give myself.

I had an ex tell me I wasn’t emotionally intelligent, as her emotions led her to fuck my best friend, and cousin.

I’ve had therapist tell me it’s CPTSD, and Co-dependency, but I like the label “emotionally retarded” much, much better.

It covers all aspects of the emotions I have trouble controlling, and understanding. What a great way to minimize, and justify my disastrous choices in life other than being a fucking “emotional retard!”

So, how can you too, become “emotionally retarded?”

I think it comes with too much self awareness. But what sets someone on a path to self awareness? Usually a bunch of trauma.

Now hang on a second, I’m not tooting my own horn for awareness, because self awareness doesn’t mean shit.

But it can lead you to a life time of misery in my opinion. As you become obsessed to fix yourself, and possibly others.

Everything in my “emotionally retarded” mind needs to have a reason, or explanation.

Why do people act the way they do? Why do they cheat, lie and say they love when their actions so differently? How can someone say the nicest things one minute, only to turn against you the next. Why do I react in hurtful ways?Why do I continue to self destruct when I know it will eventually kill me? Why do I pick, and stay with people where I spend 90% of the relationship trying to prove my worth?

Sometimes there is no need to seek any more awareness. Some people you will never understand, especially if you are emotionally retarded like me.

When you have lived chaos since birth, and chased it your whole life, there will be some consequences. And with the consequences you will try to explain, and express the consequences to others. But they don’t have time for your retardedness.

On a serious note, horrible abuse to a highly sensitive person destroys their emotions, it doesn’t make them retarded.

But sometimes I feel that way.

 

Daily Musing.

 

Thankful.

Yesterday my hubby picked up the pumpkin pies I'd ordered at the bakery and they used to be 10$ each and then went up to 12$ and are now 15$! Everything has just gone up sooo much lately and has just gotten soooo expensive! He also had to stand and wait in line for 40 minutes as the line was sooo long it went all the way outside the bakery and around the corner!! Of course I had to "test" a piece yesterday as well, you know, just to make sure it's safe for my family to eat and not poison, ha, ha, and this morning I had a piece for my breakfast too, because what if I died today before dinner and before I got to have my pie? The 25 YR old is also in New Brunswick for a mini-vacay for this long holiday weekend and when I asked my hubby why she'd go there he showed me this beautiful photo she took of a lighthouse on a pier with a stunning pink sunset in the background and he goes, That's why! I wonder from the looks of it if she's at the Bay of Fundy to watch the tide? There's also this Soccer Fest thing here all weekend with games,vendors, and all kinds of FREE stuff but I'm still not interested and I also heard there was a hockey game at the same place I saw my concerts at last night,too, which surprised me; I never knew they had redneck stuff there!I just thought it was a concert venue!

My hubby also did end up getting a third turkey like my mother said, as always obeying her and being her obedient little toady( he never stands up to her or says no to her; it's embarrassing) and 3 nights a week now the 29 YR old goes what he calls "bar hopping" too I don't approve of and it also worries me too as I fear he might get caught up with the wrong people and end up stabbed or shot and every night he goes it always fills me with so much anxiety and worry and stress, and I heard a dog at the corner house( the new people) barking that sounded like Buddy and I hoped it's not a Dachshund because once Buddy's gone it would always be a sad reminder reminding me of him but I finally saw it today and it's not, it's just some mutt mixed-breed,and now he pees on his bed and blankets all the time  he's so old and incontinent and I have to wash them now with every laundry load. The 29 YR old also borrowed my weed hat to harvest his boss' cannabis plants and he commented that he "Always dresses for the occasion" and of course he never mentioned that it was my hat and just took "credit" for it.

My mother is also coming later today for our big Thanksgiving dinner(Lord, give me strength) and I remember I was surprised when she told me before that before she met my father and they got married that she was actually almost  engaged before to a guy she'd been dating and  she described as a handsome, good-looking Native Indian man and he proposed to her at a party and she wasn't expecting it and wasn't ready to settle down and get married and felt she was too young and he was so dejected and heartbroken he couldn't even face her after that and had his friend take her home. That's just so sad, she broke his heart,and to think I could have been half Native(and probably would look alot better,too!) She also said he "drank" but ironically so did my father eventually,too. If she HAD married him things would have been so different and I wouldn't even BE me as I am now and that would have been a good thing!  Ethel Kennedy also died at 96(she was a strong woman,too, a widow who raised 11 kids on her own) and I admire she aged naturally and didn't get all nipped, tucked, and pulled  despite her fortune and didn't look all phony, fake and "plastic" like most rich women and celebs, not like those Real Housewives of------------(insert name of city here) that all look like drag queens!

I finally heard from my friend in Sarasota too and luckily she's fine and still has a house after the hurricane but her power was out for 2 days but says others in her area won't have it restored until the 17th and her InterNet was out and her phone got smashed and her fence is destroyed but not so bad considering, but she said it was really scary, and Israel contines to target schools, hospitals, refugee camps and UN workers, and on the news they also said in 10 years rents are expected to double and for a 2 bedroom apt. in Montreal be 4K a month, and 5K in Toronto and 6K in Vancouver! That's just outrageous!! Who the hell could afford that? They also said pre-Covid the Toronto foodbank saw 60K clients a month and now it's up to over 300K!

Holy f*ck!!

I also found the wedding photo(seen here) of the news reporter I told you about yesterday wearing that beautiful gown. She's now on Maternity Leave with her second child.😊

I've got to keep on keepin' on-Steve Miller Band