Anniversary.

Sunday will be our wedding anniversary. 30 years. I can't believe we've been together 30 years! That's more than half my life! Meeting, getting with, settling for, and marrying my hubby was one of the biggest mistakes of my life and one of my biggest regrets. If I could only go back in time and undo it and redo my life all over again I would. He has ruined my life and made me miserable. He emotionally, psychologically and mentally abuses me and I now realize I would have been better off staying single than being with the wrong person but guys aren't exactly lining up for ugly girls like me and he was the only one that ever wanted me so it was either that or nothing and I wanted a family and we both settled. I still hold out hope that it's not too late to find happiness and love although I know for me it's not very likely, at least not this side of Heaven. For our anniversary we're going to eat at an Indian restaurant and at least I get a good meal out of it,anyway.

  As well, I also had this vivid and real dream somone said to me my alloted life-span is 78 years but I have the option of ending it sooner if I wish and I was asked twice to re-confirm if that's what I want and I confirmed both times that I do. I'm ready. I have been for a long time, for years. Other than my dog, no one loves me, and my family's pushed me away and I'm not welcome in my own home and they treat me like shit and I'm so lonely and miserable, unhappy and my health is bad, I have nothing to look forward to, and nothing's ever going to change or ever get any better, and I'm basically just waiting until I die and hope each day that this is it. I also said a prayer to God asking for a sign if it's soon that I hear the song Stairway To Heaven yesterday and see a Monarch butterfly as a sign yesterday, not something you'd normally find in the middle of December.....and not only did I hear the song yesterday....but I heard it 3 times and I did see the Monarch butterfly, too; a FB friend posted it on her profile,and there it was; the very first thing I saw when I turned on my computer.

                                                                 It just blew me away.