Why Do I Even Bother?

I really don't know why I even bother anymore. Yesterday was yet another prime and common example: I went in to supervise when the 16 YR old(almost 17) had her meal ( yes, even after 3 YRS after her struggle with an eating disorder I'm still vigilant fearing a relapse and I did  find an almost full container of yogurt thrown out and she claimed it was "clumpy" so I always have to keep an "eye" on her, esp. since I missed it the first time, although in my defense she was very secretive about it and adept at keeping it very well hidden, not wanting anyone to know, until that fateful day she passed out and ended up in the ER and everything was exposed. The day that broke my heart and my whole world fell apart. I had no idea and then I felt so guilty because I was oblivious. In any case, I go into the room where she was starting to eat and my hubby and the 13 YR old also were, reading and talking and so I joined in the conversation, hoping to be included( yeah, I know, stupid me) even though they never want me around and always push me out, and the 13 YR old kept screaming at me  lously and angrily shut up!! and my hubby made comments like Well, we lasted, what, a minute of quiet...even though they were talking too; apparantly it was only a problem when I did, and the 16 YR old rudely told me to leave,and I told them they were being very rude and mean and shouldn't talk to me and treat me like that and that my hubby shouldn't let  them talk to me and treat me like that either and he should be telling  them Don't talk to your mother like that! but of course he said nothing because he  doesn't care or have any respect for me,either( where do you think they got it and learned it from?) and has never been a "parent" or disciplined, or defended me, and it really made me feel unwelcome, unwanted, disrespected, pushed out, ganged-up on, pushed away, not included, an outsider,rejected,how I've been treated and made to feel my entire LIFE, etc. you get the idea. by my own family. When I'm just doing my job. Doing what I'm supposed to do.

Why do I even bother?

Both my mother and I also need things from Wal-Mart (where we used to go at least once a week, often a few times a week) but now there's lines blocks long to get in and neither her or I can stand long or wait in lines as I get all sweaty and faint and she has a walker yet despite that my hubby still refuses to go ( and we've asked him many times as we're running out of stuff, and he has the car as well) and get our stuff as he doesn't want to stand and wait in line ( esp. NOT something just for us when it's not something for him; ie, not worth his time) and even said how about he drops off her or I and has us stand in line and wait and picks us up when we're done.....knowing very well that neither of us CAN stand that long! WTF? He's such a cruel uncaring bastard, and yesterday as always he just left the empty garbage cans outside as well after garbage pick up too even though he was the last one back in the house after garbage pick up and it's no effort for him to notice them out there and Oh, I might as well bring in the empty cans while I'm here before they blow off onto the road or something.... but oh, no, of course not, because that would be thoughtful and considerate  and take effort on his part and so he just leaves them out there all night as always ( the last time I was there to take Buddy out for his walk it hadn't been picked up yet but they did do the recycling and I had to bring in all 6 boxes myself,since I was already out there anyway, even though it's not my job either; it's the 13 YR old's, and I put out my already bad back doing so lifting those heavy things) leaving it for....yup...guess who....me  to have to haul in in the morning because HE was too damn lazy to bother to do when I take Buddy out for his morning walk and I notice they're still out there....hurting my back all over again, but does he care? Nooooo, of course not! He doesn't give two-shits about me; none of them do.

Why do I even bother?

I was hoping I would have just died in my sleep last night I'm just so sick of this shit.

I'm done.

No such luck.

I hate my life.