Lefty.

Yesterday was National  Left-handers Day, of which I am one. It tends to run in families and I know my mother saying her uncle(who is dead now but lived in Europe, as did both her mother and grandmother who were both born and raised there and both emigrated here as adults) was as was my Dedushka( my grandfather from my father's side) so I inherited it from both sides and my oldest(#1 son) is as well and they say statistically 1 out of 10 people is( so that would be 10% of the population) which, I believe, is also the same percentage is gay, so it makes me wonder then how many percentage is also both left-handed and gay? I can remember when I was little too Dedushka telling me that back then they didn't "allow" him to be  left-handed and they would beat it "out" of him and force him to be right-handed; that at that time it was considered "sinful" or taboo or something to be left-handed and every time he'd use his left hand to eat or write they'd forcefully yank the fork or pencil out of his left hand, smack him a good one and put it into his right hand so over time he adapted and "grew" to "be" right-handed which I just think is cruel. You are who you are.I always considered it kind of special, like a gift, unique, and having to naturally adapt in a right-handed world( scissors for example) I am able to use both hands although my left is still my dominant hand. I do play guitar and violin right-handed though because that's the way the instruments were designed but at the dinner tabel, for example, I'm always bumping elbows with the person who sits on my left side and I can still remember in school always getting dirty lead stains on the side of my left hand from the pencil as printing or writing my hand would naturally slide across the page as I write.

I also have what I'm pretty sure is Pink-Eye(and my mother gets it all the time) as my left eye is all swollen, itchy, runny and crusty so I'm putting the drops in but the problem is I'm also allergic to the drops which make the eye even itchier so then I also have to take a Benedryl for that, and it's like I have some overall weird allergy too as I also have a runny,stuffy, sneezy nose, scratchy itchy throat and it feels like a lump in it but no allergy or cold meds even work to relieve the symptoms so here I am in agony with all this and nothing gets rid of it! Ugh! The police were also over next-door again too this time talking to the asshole with the mean Mastiff and I wonder if someone reported him for having the dog running  around loose and yesterday I did see it out loose barking aggressively at a lady the neighbour across the street hires to cut her grass....

I also had a weird dream last night I was somewhere and they gave me some pill and then attached some kind of cap with electrodes to my head and had me go to sleep in a bed and did some kind of hypnosis or "regression" or something on me asking me what I wanted in life and I said to be happy, to find love, to not be ugly, to keep my dog forever, to increase my faith in God,to be able to love those I should love, and to find purpose and meaning in my life and to know what my future holds now the kids are grown and no longer need me as my life was defined as a mother but now I don't know who I am anymore, where I fit in, what my purpose is, where my life goes from here and where I go from here.