The Scare.

Later yesterday taking Buddy out for his walk the massive Mastiff next door was out running loose again and when it saw us it started barking and ran right at us, freaking me out fearing it would attack poor little Buddy so I quickly scooped him up in my arms, holding him up high out of rach and ran off to the other side of our house and hid behind the bushes with the owner saying Don't worry, he won't hurt you.... yeah, like I'm NOT going to take that chance! Holy shit, I hate  that thing and it shouldn't even be running around loose anyway but on a leash as it's a danger to attack small dogs or even kids(or adults) so from now on whenever I take him out I'm going to carry a knife with me for protection just in case so I have some protection to defend Buddy if it ever does try to actually attack us as I can at least stab it in the throat as it lunges at us. There would have been a time when I was younger that I would have been able to break it's neck but I'm not strong enough anymore and it's not just that it's a big dog that it scares me as Sammy the Pitbull lives a couple of houses down and he's Buddy's friend, and, in fact, his owner even told me that Buddy is the only dog that he likes and he barks at every other dog that walks by, it's just that thisd particular dog is always running loose and is aggressive and I'm not taking any chances.

My oldest also said in Alberta now they are also mandated to wear masks everywhere too but he, like me, also refuses(so he has the same rebel, subversive,independent, think-for-yourself-don't-follow-the-crowd mindset that I do and I admire him for that) and he said he carries around asthma inhalers and so far that's worked but I wonder where he got them from though? Did he get them from a friend who actually has asthma or did he dig around a medical waste garbage and pick them out of there, or what? Either way that's a good idea. He's always been a smart kid though. I also came across an article online last night about a guy in Australia who had a really sore back like I do and he thought he just hurt it working but it turned out he had terminal pancreatic cancer that spread to his liver and spleen so it makes me wonder,too as my back and abdomenal pain is now waaay beyond just "usual" pain but I really don't want to go to the doctor either and have all these tests done esp. now you have to wear a mask everywhere. F*ck, no, I'm not going thru that. Just let it be and let it take it's natural course. The only issue is the pain is just getting sooo bad lately and I have a high pain tolerance,too. I don't have any more pain meds left over from my  recent surgery either as I used it all up in my last suicide attempt(when I swallowed the 40 morphine pills) and I just have weed which would normally eliminate the pain entirely but this pain is so bad it just takes the "edge" off. I hope it's just an delusion and I'm just imagining it but I know I'm not. The pain is very  real.