This Is Our Life.

I got a photo of the 21 YR old before she has to go back tomorrow and she didn't want a photo at first saying she thought she Looked 'Ghetto' but she's as beautiful as always and when I posted the photo up on my Facebook  page one of my cousins said those exact same words, that she was beautiful. She always was. Her friend B (since they were teens) also got his pilot's license and another friend is studying to become a paramedic and later last night I got yet another  surprise no one told me about and I was(as always) the last to know about,too: the 23 YR old also showed up, having taken the train in from London for a weekend visit as well!We're also having a BBQ today. Are there any more of the kids coming up too that I'm unaware of? They just seem to keep on coming! Maybe the ones in BC and Alberta will also show up at the door,too? The 23 YR old and I don't get along though; we never have; I guess it's just a clash of personalities; some people just don't get along, and she was still dressed like a vampire Goth BDSM dominatrix as well(I was hoping it was just a phase she'd outgrow after her teen years but no luck so I guess that's just who she is) all in black with studs, skulls, chains, spikes, etc. you get the idea and it has always weirded me out and concerned me as I fear it borders on the occult. She has also accused me of saying horrible things I never did(such as calling her ugly as a child which I would never do as I've been called that my entire life and I know what it feels like and I would never do that to someone else) and once in therapy even told the therapist that she doesn't even want me in her life at all even though I was more than willing to start over again and gives presents at Christmas to everyone else except me in an obvious blatant cruel snub, so there's also that, so for the most part we just try to avoid eachother.

This is also the cool shoes the 21 YR old got me, and I love the Chuck Taylor hi-tops so much and have several pair and always joke I'll probably die wearing a pair and they'll bury me in them, and later yesterday as Buddy strained to shit nothing came out except blood dripping out but today his shit is back to normal; soft but formed( no more diarrhrea and no more blood) and I noticed he did have a bit of fur in it I recognized from one of his toys so maybe he ate it and it ittitated his stomach or colon and that's what was causing the bleeding or maybe he even has hemmoraoids or inflamed anal sacs oe something esp. as when he shit the blood always came at the end. Some of the shit yesterday also reminded me of grape jelly. I wondered as well if my baaad abdomenal pain and back and diarrhrea could also just be my Diverticulitis acting-up or maybe I have another polyp in my colon again like I had before and maybe I have stomach ulcers back again,too, and I read it's also the same as symptoms for pancreatic cancer,too, so who knows? All I know is the pain is real, lasting longer than it usually does and something is obviously causing it.

This is also the newest gross thing the 25 YR old ate: a whole large octopus! (that he paid 30$ for,too!) It looks so creepy and gross here, almost like an elephant face, and there's nothing that boy won't eat( except for dog; he said he wouldn't eat a dog, although he said he would eat human meat!!)and he also asked me how do you return unwanted mail so I told him just cross out his name and addresss and write Return to sender and drop it back in the mailbox so he said, OK, I'll do that with my bills! and one of my brother-in-laws also bought a motorcycle my mother says is his Midlife Crisis(ha,ha) and I remember when I was 21 and my friend G ( who I actually was wildly attracted to and looked like James Dean and hoped would be the one to take my virginity but he only liked me as a friend) used to take me for motorcycle rides and how much fun it was and how it just felt like pure freedom  zipping down the highway with the wind blowing in your face you almost felt you could fly but it freaked the hell out of my poor mother who was always convinced we were going to crash and die and end up in pieces all over the road,  and my friend J(in Ottawa) bought a new car too, to replace what he referred to as his Crappy piece-of-shit Mazda , a Buick Crossover for 21 K, I have no idea what that is but I suppose maybe like a Hybrid or something? He's doing well and owns his own home even though he's still single. He works for the gov't.(as did most of my friends in Ottawa ) and is even able to retire soon, having worked there almost 25 YRS now.

The kids never do what I tell them,either, and are always so disrespectful( due to copying seeing how my mother and hubby treat me) and so whenever I tell them to do anything( their chores, for example, or anything) they just ignore me, blow me off, mouth-off, etc. and it never gets done and then they get mad and chew me out for always repeating myself telling them over and over because they never do it in the first place and so I have to ask my hubby to tell them to do it as they listen to him  except he rarely ever does as he doesn't want to be the "Bad Guy" and hardly ever disciplines them and he won't step up and actually be a Parent as he'd rather be their pal and doesn't want them to not like  him so that leaves me in a  bad place where I have no authority or respect and they don't listen to me or obey and basically just do whatever they want and run the house and I object but I have no "say" and am always over-ruled and vetoed and told to shut up,etc. You get the idea. Then they wonder why I want out of this family and this life.