Unbalanced.

My whole life I've always been drawn to both the water and the sky; love swimming and flying yet I'm still unbalanced, even though the water and sky balance eachother out evenly not so for me I always still struggle to try and stay afloat and balanced and I drift in-between reality and delusion and smoking weed makes me see reality( as well as does wonders for my migraines and arthritis as well as relieves all pain and helps my anxiety too) and I now have 5 natural herbal supplements I take daily ( 6 if you count the medical marijuana) along with the 6 other prescription meds for a total of 11 daily, so I feel like a walking pharmacy, and so far the new supplements haven't alleviated my extreme fatigue yet either and I slept in an hour late the other day again,too and I'm always soooo run down exhauasted tired even when I just wake up my eyes are still burning stinging with tiredness and just 3 HRS or so after I wake up I need a 2 HR nap and then again around 2 or 3 in the afternoon for another 2 HRS or so; it's like I just can't get enough sleep and all my body wants to do is sleep and yesterday and today I have this weird tingling feeling in the back of my head too and my head also feels all heavy, "full", clouded, groggy and all-encompassing I can hardly stay awake or hold my head up and the back of my neck hurts as well and last night in bed my left shoulder and arm hurt as well like a pinched nerve or something. I feel like an old broken down jalopy.

My hubby also got yet another tech thing for the TV, this time a Chromecast Google TV thingy and I rolled my eyes saying we really don't need another thing to make the TV even more confusing and complicated and he scoffed condescendingly You wouldn't understand!  and I told him I do understand we don't need another remote that will just get lost!  and I said I just want a simple TV where you just turn it on and off, put on the channel you want, have the volume you turn up or down and a mute button for commercials and sports and he dismissed me in a patronizing tone, I know what you want! and he needed a photo for his profile on it too and couldn't find one so I told him it shouldn't be too hard to find a photo of a horse's ass online and snickered at me the other day too it's a waste of air talking to me  too and I told him it's a waste of my life marrying him! He's also betrayed me and lied so much as well I no longer trust him anymore and once that's been lost it's impossible to ever get back and that's when I knew it was a mistake, and my family says I'm "selfish" too I express my needs but I have to look out for myself because no one else ever has; it's called survival,  and my hubby always needs attention and I just want to be accepted.

The French Onion soup I had yesterday tasted "funky" as well but I still ate it anyway as I was hungry and we also can't afford to waste food so I hope it wasn't rotten, that I just have a cold or something, which I think I do as my nose is still all congested and stuffy and blocked and I have a sinus headache for the past few days, and I've now learned to accept my faith as something outside of organized religion now,too, and I don't want to out-live my life and I've decided to NOT let the 24 YR ruin my Christmas by excluding me like she does every year by getting presents for everyone except for me, purposely excluding me, and it surprises me even more too since in the new year she graduates with her degree in Psychology too, so she knows well what she's doing too; that it's bullying and the effects it has psychologically and yet she still continues to do it every year, but it says more about her than it does about me. The 13 YR old was also yelling at a rival he was playing a video game with Why does it take you so long to die? and I look at myself in the mirror and ask myself the same thing every day, and I either saw an angel quickly brush past me the other day or else it was some really good weed, and The Powers That Be declared that toys aren't "essential" but they arewhen it's Christmas-time and you have kids,  and I heard as well there's a connention between migraines and seizures and bipolar and seizures too and I have them all.....hmmmmm...

“No matter what you do to change yourself to fit into society, you're going to want your old self back sooner or later.” -Hans Christian Andersen