Go Your Own Way.

The other day I was sitting out on the veranda smoking weed, feeling like the Queen of Sheba( ha, ha) when I saw one of the baby birds in our tree leave the nest and take flight and it was magical and inspirational and at the same time I was also listening to Fleetwood Mac's Rumours album and the song Go Your Own Way happened to be appropriately playing at that exact time and it made me think that's what I should do,too; leave the "nest", go my own way, fly away and be free and start a new life on my own, but how? How do I even start? Where do I even begin? I know that's what I need to do and so P ray to God as always asking Him to guide and direct me so I know what steps to take and how to get there and what to do next. My hubby and I were fighting over the TV again the other day and he snarled that he's not going to do anything for me anymore(incl. helping me with the TV, computer,etc.) and the very next day when I tried to get the news I couldn't get the channels on the TV; he had sabotaged it somehow by disabling it or removing a cable or something so I couldn't use the TV to watch the news and the next day it didn't have any sound.....but only during my news time and it "mysteriously" was OK right after...."coincidence", my ass.....so I just watched it on my computer instead. F*ck him! I'm not letting him f*ck with me like that and he's trying to make me feel helpless and dependent on him but I don't need him as much as he thinks I do and I was fine before I met him( and in fact, happier,and better off emotionally and mentally,too) and I'll be fine after,too,and I just adapt and survive just as I've always done. He also picked up food and of course said the milkshake machine was "broken" again too (because I wanted a chocolate shake)....yeah.....riiiight... so now when he accidently sleeps in late I also no longer check in on him and wake him up,either, or remind him of things, etc. anymore now either as it works both ways, and if the TV doesn't get fixed for my news he can be doing his own laundry from now on too until it is fixed. I'm NOT putting up with his shit.

Yesterday we also had this biiiig thunderstorm, and even a tornado warning and my hubby even got one on his phone and told to seek shelter and around  3pm the storm hit but all we got was just torrential rain and wind but a town 20 minutes away(that we often go to) was hit hard and bad damage with downed trees and roofs blown off and collapsed buildings and mostly the entire town without power, with thousands still out today and ours just flickered off for a few seconds so we were lucky. My back, abdomen, stomach, and neck pain is also so bad it's just awful and sometimes I even wonder if my stomach pain might even be just due to stress and anxiety, and if I was given the choice to find love for the rest of my life or just die now and be set free my heart would choose love but my head would say to die now as I just can't risk loving and losing again; it's a hurt and a hit that I just can't take again losing someone I love again, either they leave me or die, and Toronto police chief acknowledged and apologized as well a study proved police are much more likely to harrass, abuse, arrest and shoot Black people more than Whites but I've been saying that exact same thing for Years and Trudeau's been triple-vaxxed too and has COVID for a second time,too, proving the vaccines really DON'T work( and if you had a rabies vaccine, for example, 3 times and still got rabies, you'd be asking alot of questions!) and still travelling abroad after, so what happened to having to quarantine? How did he also even get to be allowed back into  the country if he has COVID,anyway? Once again, the rules don't apply to him.

I also noticed Buddy has what looks like a blood-blister on one of his lower gums where a tooth had fallen out and it left a small pool of blood on the bed and yesterday we were sitting outside before the storm and he suddenly stiffend up in fear and hid behind me, as if he'd sensed evil, as if evil had just passed by, he looked really afraid so looking back I wonder if he was sensing the oncoming storm? There was also lots of milkweed floating around and it looked like fluffy cotton and I saw a squirrel stretched out on a fence trying to keep cool too and it reminded me of us before we had A/C. It had been a few hot, sultry days but now since the storm it's cooled down a bit. Yesterday it was 42 C with the humidity!

Sometimes your greatrest victories are the small, secret,silent ones known only to yourself.