Little Rock.

I can still remember for the first half of grade 9 ( when I was at the bad school, before I transferred over to the good school in the second semester) the bullies always ridiculed and taunted me , for the usual reasons I was 'weird" (I later found out was due to my autism and bipolar I never knew at the time, not until my mid-40's but it was obviously something others easily picked up on) and because I was a "Good Girl" (I didn't drink, smoke, do drugs, date, get into trouble, etc.) and can still clearly remember them discussing getting high and one mocking me saying about a stoner  and how I probably don't even know what a 'stoner' is  and that I probably think it's a little rock... and it makes me laugh now, now that I'm a big-time pothead and probably smoke more weed now than they ever did....ha,ha, and it just goes to show that people can change and I wonder what they'd think if they could see me now?They'd probably be shocked I had 11 kids too when I never even went out with boys or even got asked out on dates, and, in fact, they even taunted that I was probably a 'lez'.

 I can also still clearly remember that day in French class in grade 12 too; it was the last class of the day and I just broke down in tears at my desk; I was the last one left in the class( besdies the teacher) and I just started sobbing; I hated that school and where I was living and I regretted moving and I missed my friends and my old life and I didn't have any friends there and I hated it and was miserable and lonely,and the teacher came over and asked if I was OK and put her arm around me and tried to comfort me, telling me it would be ok, that it was my last year and I was almost done and I would make it,and I did, and I even made the Honour Roll, but it felt like one of the longest years of my life, and I felt so embarrassed, so exposed, so vulnerable, breaking down in front of her like that, but I never forgot her kindness.

I saw 2 baby birds poking their heads out the nest in our tree the other day and now I have NO  sunflower seedlings left out of the original 5; something ate the leaves off my last remaining surviving one. What a bust. I wonder why this year it's such a dud? Is there some kind of fungus in the soil perhaps or just my typical bad luck, although last year was my best crop yet. Maybe I'm dying  soon and won't even be here to take care of them? Child # 9 also turns 21 this month and I wonder if it will be a :" magic" year for her,too, like it was for my mother and I; the year we both started dating, and last night the 27 YR old didn't come home from work( he finished at 9pm) until 3 am and I was really worried; worried that he'd either gotten mugged, hit by a car, or killed and was laying dead in the middle of the road and we'd have no idea;(just because he's an adult now doesn't mean that I still don't worry!) he should have at least phoned  us and let us know he was going to be late so we wouldn't worry. As it turned out he went out with a bunch of people after work and did karaoke.

 A friend in Australia also said a head of lettuce costs 12$ so I guess people in Australia aren't buying much lettuce and food costs alot everywhere,and on the news ER doctors were saying suddenly they're overwhelmed with people suddenly having heart-attacks, strokes, and blood-clots and dying at such high rates never seen before and they don't know why but I do: the COVID "Clot-Shot", and a thought occurred to me as well...holy shit...I wonder if Putin is really actually from Rasputin originally, and I heard 2 people fell into a vat of chocolate at a chocolate factory and that would be a dream come true for me; swimming in chocolate and eating my way thru it at the same time, just as long as it's NOT Hershey's though because that shit is nasty and tastes like soap!

I'm still looking for my Happy.