The Scare.

Yesterday I had a bad scare with Buddy(who is now 16) : I was really scared it was his last day and I was losing him: several times yesterday morning he would abruptly tilt his head to one side and open his mouth gaping and I was afraid he was either having a stroke or a seizure, but either way I knew that something wasn't right and so did he; he didn't "look right" and he had this sad look in his eyes and his tail was down and "limp" and he stayed close by me all day for comfort, ressurance and a safe spot, and I spent all day with him, cuddling him, in case it was Goodbye, and I gave him a good walk and let him have extra time to sniff and snuffle like he enjoys and romp in the grass and he had steak( his fave) and got to sit outside and enjoy the fresh air he loves. I also gave him CBD oil for pain and after I did I noticed the episodes stopped and he settled off into a good sleep so maybe it was some sort of pain he was reacting to? He was fine the rest of the day(and so far this morning) but it really scared me! I reseacred and it said head tilting is usually caused by head, neck, or spinal injury or in some cases tumours or in older dogs just vestibular disease. I ruled out stroke though as he wasn't paralyzed, unbalanced, he could walk and wasn't disoriented in any way, and he never lost consciousness. The day he dies will be the absolute worst day of my life . he is my life, my world, my everything. He's all I have.As long as I have him I have everything; without him I have nothing.

Yesterday the gov't also FINALLY announced the "suspension" of the travel restrictions on unvaxxed people.Note I said suspension  and NOT cancellation and they reminded us that they may re-instate it again at any time,making me nervous about when to book my trip to Jamaica now I've been cleared to fly once again after being grounded and having my wings clipped for the past 2+ years as I don't want to book a trip a few months ahead, say, only to have them re-instate it and say you have to be vaccinated again and then I can't go and have to cancel and may NOT get my $$$ back, yet at the same time as much as I want to just call my travel agent and book it right now (and, in fact, I've even saved up enough $$$$ for 2 trips, so I can go to both Jamaica and Cuba again!) and just go because I sooooo desperately need to get out of here yet at the same time why go now  when it's already hot and summer-y here and I'm also hesitant to leave Buddy now,too, for fear what if he dies while I'm away and I'm not here for him when he needs me the most?

For the past 3 days my neck is also sooooo stiff and really sore as well I can't even move my head or turn it from side-to-side so I have to actually turn my entire body around if I want to look to the side and forget about putting my chin down to my chest; no way! The pain is just off-the-scale and I don't know if it's a vertabrae, pinched nerve, or a muscle spasm, but by God does it ever hurt and it's so stiff! Today my right arm is also tingling so maybe it's a pinched nerve? I just hope I don't end up paralyzed (I'd rather DIE than be paralyzed!)or something! To ease the pain I popped 5 Tylenol  and Aspirin , smoked a shitload of weed, and put hot and cold compresses on it and it just took the 'edge" off, and I posted an "ugly" meme on my Facebook page and one of my fave. FB friends commented that I shouldn't put myself down and he's right; I probably shouldn't but after being put down and called "ugly" and being told and made to feel that I'm worthless and unlovable my entire life it's really hard NOT toand Sunday is Father's Day as well and even though my hubby is a terrible husband I have to admit that he is a good father , and he's always been more involved with the kids' activities and such than I have, mainly because he's so outgoing, friendly, and an extrovert, whereas I'm an introverted, awkward homebody with Social Phobia. He'll go up and talk to anybody, even people he doesn't even know, complete strangers,but I even  have trouble connecting to and relating with people I know.😢

What makes you different is your strength.