For My Father.

Yesterday I made this from a foil wrapper from an inported Scottish chocolate and marshmallow cookie and it made me think of my father. He left when I was 2 and I never saw him again and I only have 2 memories of him: one was when I was sitting at my little wooden table and chair and he came storming out of the shower, dripping wet and angry, his big weiner dangling, and he smacked me on my ass for not eating my cheese sammich and another memory of him showing me how to make a ball out of tin foil.

I choose to remember him best the second way.

All my entire life all I've heard are how horrible he was, what an asshole he was( and, in fact, my mother's nick-name for him was asshole) and what a bad, horrible, terrible, awful person he was, and how he was an alcoholic and he cheated on her, etc. but I never knew him personally myself so I couldn't hate someone that I never even really knew or just go by what someone else told me,and it's only one side of the story( and now I'm an adult myself I can also see how difficult my mother also is to live with as well and how she's ruined our relationship once I had my own kids too by over-stepping boundaries) and I know my mother hates and resents me because I also have his temperment and likely remind her of him(who she hates and still holds a grudge against, even after all thse years) and she was mad I went to his funeral when he died some 15 YRS ago( he died of a  second stroke 6 months after his initial one that left him incapacitated) but I still somehow felt obligated to go, afterall, he still was my father, and I know I'd end up regretting it if I didn't go and I even ended up meeting 2 of my half-siblings!

 So one day I just decided to make a choice: out of the 2 memories that I did have of him I could choose to remember the good or remember the bad and so I chose to remember the good and I can only hope it's the same with my own kids and one day when I'm dead and gone that they still remember the good things and the good times too and not just the bad and that they can still remember funny things that I said or did that made them laugh and they don't just dwell on the bad but also remember the good. The one good thing though about my adult kids hating me is at least if they have their own kids someday they won't ask me to babysit! In 2 weeks the second-oldest and the 19 YR old are also coming up from BC to visit(and the 19 YR old better return my suitcase I let her borrow over a year ago thinking she'd be returning it shortly, not knowing she'd end up staying there) and this morning Buddy had 2 more nosebleeds again, at 5;30 am and 7:30 am so far after no bleeds for the past 2 days and my cousin's puppies are soooo cute I'm even tempted to get one but I don't have that kind of $$$ anymoreand I like small dogs,anyway ,and I would get an adult dog that's already housebroken..

I also kept getting this weird anime porn on my Facebook  feed yesterday even though I don't even like anime and I certainly don't like porn and I also heard on the news all the gov't licensed weed suppliers online got hacked and now they say for months supply will be short both for online orders and in the gov't licensed shops.....oh, shit....and the FBI also raided Trump's Florida estate and I wonder what evidence they're looking for and think they'll find? or as my hubby says "evidence they'll 'plant?'" and he thinks I'm  a conspiracy theorist but I wouldn't put it past any gov't agency to do something like that though,either...

Cause freedom Is no small thing We punish the child For flying too high For rushing like the wind.-Tears For Fears