A Better Day.

Yesterday was a better day with my mother not here and without people coming in the house, feeling intruded upon and disrupted. For once I actually didn't feel like killing myself! I wonder as well if my mother back in the hospital is an answer to my prayers and God's way of giving me a break? I also saw the bright cardinal again after not for a few days,too, I wonder is a sign that everything will be OK, and I'm losing weight too I call the Stress Diet, and every time I ate yesterday it felt like there was a "lump" stuck in my throat I had to keep clearing and I also noticed the lymph nodes in my arms are swollen. I also wondered why the pot on the stove was taking so long to boil and then realized I forgot to turn the element on( so my brain is distracted with everytrhing going on) and I forgot it was Father's Day yesterday too until the 28 YR old reminded me but no one ever makes a big deal about Mother's Day so I assume it's the same for Father's Day,too. I also decided I'm going to book a trip because I need to get away.

My hubby and I visited my mother yesterday and they still don't know why she was barfing but did blood work and her white count is high, indicating infection(or cancer), so likely she still has the kidney infection and the hospital pharmacy also called asking about her meds but the print was so small I couldn't read it ( it was all blurry) so I had my hubby read it back to her only he couldn't pronounce the names of the drugs and it was hilarious, and we also found out one of the PSW's is our neighbour who just lives down the street and out of all of them so far only one was nice( the first one) and the others seemed adrupt and hostile, and I wonder what the neighbours all thought too seeing 2 ambulances in our driveway within 2 weeks but I bet it was the most "excitement" they've seen around here in a long time, and today is also child # 9's birthday and she turns 22 ( the same age I was when I had my first child!) and Epstein didn't kill himself.

Go catch your dreams before they slip away And dying all the time Lose your dreams and you will lose your mind Ain't life unkind?-The Rolling Stones