One Day At A Time.

This morning I soaked in a nice soothing relaxing lavender bath-bomb that turned the water a nice purple. I really, really really  needed that! I phoned my mother in the hospital yesterday(she could barely talk and croaked, moaned and was incoherent) to check up on her and she asked What hospital am I in? and I told her the same one we brought her to and I told her we were going to visit her later in the day when my hubby finished work and she said she didn't want us to but I was never one to do what other people tell me and I have my own mind so my hubby, the 16 YR old and I did,anyway. The 28 YR old wanted to but he was out getting his hair cut and didn't get back in time. She has a private room and was more awake alert and coherent than the day before and even ate a bit but still in bed and has the catheter but they removed the IV and stopped the antibiotics and I saw the doctor who said her bloodwork is looking better so the kidney infection is hopefully clearing up and they'll have Physio coming in to work on her(after laying in bed over a week) .

She also kept complaining of "severe leg pain they're not giving her anything for" and kept insisting they "still haven't cleaned the shit off" her and "only cleaned the top half" which I'm sure they did, esp. since I never smelled anything and it was just so funny our exchange back and forth ( "So, you mean to say they cleaned your top and your pussy but not the shit off your ass?" "Yes, that's right", "You don't think they'd clean it first before  they put the catheter in, so not to introduce bacteria?",  etc)that my hubby, the 16 YR old and I were hysterical with laughter. I also brought her pink carnations, her fave. flowers and the nurse leaned over and whispered to me, She sure is bossy! ( don't I know it!!) and they said she'll be there for at least a few more days and still has to be up and walking and be able to eat more and go to the bathroom on her own before discharge and then she can get Home Care.

This is all just so overwheling and stressful but at least yesterday was better  than the day before and I ask God to get me thru each day. We plan on visiting her again today and I take comfort at least in knowing she's where she needs to be and I know she's being taken care of and I did the right thing and hopefully it will also be motivation for her,too, if she wants to come home to put the effort into eating, getting up and walking, going to the toilet,etc. and hopefully they can treat the depression and give her cognitive tests for Alzheimers while she's there,too, and let her doctor know.

As for me, now my hemmoroid is either bigger or another one has grown next to it (unless it rectal cancer or something else?)and I can hardly shit at all now the hole is blocked; all I can get out are tiny little "pebbles" which can't be good and with all the stress with my mother I'm also not eating or sleeping much but I'm too concerned and worried about her to have any time to worry about myself and it's all I can do to just get thru each day and just take one day at a time.

I have lost the will to live Simply nothing more to give There is nothing more for me Need the end to set me free.-Metallica