Today is Christmas Eve, meaning tomorrow is Christmas, a day I always used to get so excited for as a kid and I wish I could get that feeling back again as an adult but it just isn't there and for me it's just a stressful day I always struggle to get thru. For me it's a rush-rush day of running around exhausted and cooking and of tolerating and fighting with and being disappointed with my toxic family and a day I just can't wait to get thru. My mother's also coming over in the morning so I'm kind of uneasy about that and I just hope that she doesn't get all sentimental and decide now that she wants to move back or anything. Yesterday we also picked up the pumpkin pies at our friend's bakery( shown here) for tomorrow's dinner as well and I couldn't help myself and I snuck a piece because, you know, it might be poison or something and I had to test it first before I feed it to my family, plus what if I had died last night during the night and then I'd never get to have the pie? Today I'm also cooking the turkeys(I have 4 breasts, one stuffed and 3 plain) which takes 5-6 hours( the house is going to smell super-good all day and drive poor Buddy insane) and then when mine are done (I get to do mine first because I'm up first) the 29 YR old is going to cook his (for my mother,actually) so it'll take all day and then tomorrow I'll cook everything else.
This morning I also had a relaxing lavender Epsom salt bath and from the looks of it under the tree none of the kids gave me a Christmas gift( or even sent a card) this year; the only gift I get is from my hubby which hurts, not so much about the gifts themselves as much but the fact that no one cares and no one bothers to put the thought,sentiment,or effort into getting me anything, but it says more about them(and what kind of people they are) than it does about me and at least I did the right thing and got gifts for them but next year my Christmas shopping list is going to be really small! I'm not going to depend on other people to buy me gifts, though; I'll just buy my own gifts,and, in fact, I'm going to order some more bath-bombs from Lush online and look for and try to find that Dachshund figurine I like,too!
F*ck them!
This time of year is always hard for people like me,too; people that don't have anyone that love them and if you lower your expectations at least you're not disappointed.
I also saw this, the exact perfect furniture style I love; French Provincial and this is my ideal living room, and it's still raining and most of the snow is gone now and I hate rain normally but even more so this time of year, it's just a gloomy, dreary, miserable bag of suck; we're supposed to have snow, and it doesn't feel very Christmas-y without it, and yesterday Buddy went out the door intending to go pee but saw it was pouring rain and just turned right around and came back inside and peed on the carpet in the hallway! He doesn't "do" rain! I also think I broke my toe, the crooked "retarded" one on my right foot next to the "baby" one as it hurts and feels broken(I've had broken toes before so I know what it feels like) and when I checked it was bruised, so maybe from that time I fell? Hopefully when it heals it will heal straight? Israel also complains that Hamas is "still putting up a fight "but what do they expect? For them to just roll over and give up? If they did there would be no more Palestinians left, for them they're fighting for their lives and it's a matter of survival, and I apologized to God yesterday as well: for never being good enough, for being a failure, for not accomplishing anything in life, for not having a purpose in life, for being me, and my entire life I've always felt like a bird trapped in a cage,too, wanting to break free and fly away.
Turn off the world if it makes you hurt.-Max Webster
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