Flashback.

Yesterday I found these old photos from 2005(this is the now 21 YR old and below is my Pug my hubby sold behind my back one time when I was out of the country) and they made me smile and it's sad to realize as well that Christmas just won't be the same without my mother here( as difficult as she is) but I'm still going to the hospital to visit her  Christmas Day (and I wanted to yesterday as well but my hubby had chess and pickleball and his little hobbies always come first  even before a dying old woman in the ICU but I'm going to see her today after work) it's still not the same and what I want for Christmas this year can't be bought: for her to recover and for snow. She's also been off the Bi-PAP for a few days now and "stepped-down" to the Opti-Flow(which is progress! Yay!) and her BP and urine output is still good,also an improvement, and she only needed her chest secretions to be suctioned once so she is slowly improving and she's still alive (it's been exactly 2 weeks today even though it sure feels much longer!!) which is always good but she still has the NG tube and no appetite yet and fluid retention, although less. She's still drowsy but awake at times and able to talk and is coherent.

One day at a time, one step at a time.

Buddy doesn't feel well,either, and I think the poor boy has a cold as he has crusty boogers on his nose and keeps sneezing and he's not eating much.

Today is also the last day of fall and tomorrow officially starts winter and today we're supposed to get 2-4 cm of snow and again on Christmas Eve which is just *perfect* yet I still find myself having a hard time finding any joy or being happy  now when my mother lies in a bed  languishing in the ICU even though I do try(because life still has to go on and I have to get thru somehow in the meantime) and every time I hear a siren go by I always say a prayer,too, and always have, ever since I was a kid, and I also realized growing up my friends in school most of them didn't speak English at home,either, but Mandarin, Korean, Japanese, Hungarian,Greek, Portuguese, Italian, French, Bengali, Armenian, Macedonian, Latvian,German, etc. and I hope if my kids ever have kids of their own one day that they end up having kids that are just like them,too, as that would be karma, and one of my cousins is in Paris now as well but he already lives in Europe anyway so he just had to take a train.I also keep for the past few days getting redneck hockey and beer crap in my Facebook feed,too, even though it's the last thing I'd ever be interested in or search for. WTF, and where did it come from and why would they ever think I would want it???

The 30 YR old also threw away this garlic so I rescued it and hung it up on the wall for an "Accent " piece, and to also keep vampires away,ha,ha, and last night he went to a Drag show at 'Da Club ( what a drag, ha,ha) and I have nothing against Drag, just not in front of kids,just like stripping isn't appropriate in front of kids, either(some things are just for adults)although I don't think stripping is appropriate anyway for anyone(it's disgusting, immoral, and exploits women), and he said he also inspired a new kind of fries there as well they named Pimp Fries with all kinds of toppings incl. edible glitter  on them and he said he never has to pay for food or drinks there,either as people always buy it for him(the ultimate mooch) and he even has a "following" too; fans that follow him around and request songs, like groupies( ha,ha) and he's almost like a gigolo and when I asked if his GF was going to be there to hear him sing he just shrugged, She either shows up or she doesn't so I just hope that they're not "rocky" now,and him and his boss are off work now and a client all the way in Kitchener( 3 hour plus drive each way) still wanted to book them for the 30th and 31st and said, How about if I pay you 4500$ a DAY  plus hotel and expenses? then they said, Sure!! OK!! We're open!!

Not only does $$$ talk but in this case it screams loudly!!!!😂

Because what was done to us as children so shatters our sense of trust in humankind as a whole that many find it easier to live in the peace of solitude.-Catherine Po