2 Weeks.

It's been exactly 2 weeks since Buddy died and I cried for him again yesterday,too, and will always be my Gold Medal and I hope he knows how much I miss him and love him always and forever(and sometimes I call Beja "Buddy" by mistake and then I feel really sad and start crying again) and hopefully Beja will live 15-20 years and my hubby cracked who will die first, me or him( hopefully me) and I still feel really, really sick, and I feel like I am dying actually, and it feels like I'm being stabbed in the abdomen, too, as well as pain on my right side, and maybe I am, as yesterday since I decided to live again( now I have someone to live for) I tried to order 3 summer outfits and bath-bombs online but my card was rejected(??? My hubby snarked, "What nefarious thing did you order now?") so it the universe maybe trying to tell me not to bother because I'm dying soon anyway, just NOT by suicide? Or is it just more of my typical bad luck and things never going right or working out? With Beja I also need someone to love, dote on, fawn over, protect, etc. and I notice the difference between him and Buddy,too; his nails are much smaller and thinner and lighter and easier to cut(I can just use MY clipper!) and Buddy's were so much bigger, thicker, dark and hard to cut, and his turds were bigger,too, like the size of my finger  or a Tootsie Roll and Beja's are so tiny, and he has tall thin legs(and surprises me he can run up & down stairs!) but Buddy's were short,thick, and stubby.

My friend V( from grade 6) also shared her mother's obituary from Arizona and she was born in Washington and was only 76!She had 10 kids, 15 grandkids, and 4 great-grandkids and died of heart issues. I wonder as well if that might be what my issues are, or maybe liver or kidney failure,or maybe it's cancer, or maybe I'm just heart-broken with grief, and the Pope died as well and I think he was just "holding on" until Easter, like how my mother did until Christmas, and now I have something to live for again(Beja)  and who depends on me and needs me I'm starting over once again,too, a new chapter in my life, just like I always have many times before.

I also decided with all the grief, loss, and stress lately I'm going back to the Caribbean in Sept. when it's off-season and cheaper, less crowded and I still have my summer tan so I won't be pasty white at the beach and my hubby whines HE has plans to go away then, too, even though he's been away alot lately, like 3-4 times and I haven't gone anywhere in 2 years and I really  need to get away and then he whines I've "been to 29 countries"( actually it's 39 and he's only been to USA and Mexico) so now it's "his turn" but that doesn't mean that *I* still don't get a break and can't still get away,too, and I just need him to drop me off and pick me up at the airport as I'm NOT taking the shuttle service again, who left me stranded at the airport at 4 am and then had to nerve to still charge me!(I refused to pay) He also sneered he'll sell the house while I'm away( like he sold my Pug once while I was out of the country)) which is exactly why I only had MY name put on the  house deed when I had it transferred over from my mother when she died so he wouldn't be able to pull a stunt like this because he's always trying to sell the house out from under me!

I also had forgotten about Chihuahua's gaaaccck & braaacck; when they get over-excited they do this funny hacking cough I call gaaaccck & braaaccck and how they shiver alot, esp. when cold or nervous and Beja is a little pervert as well; he's a panty-raider! This morning as I was having my bath he stole my underwear and ran off with it down the hall!😂 My hubby also said I should have waited until after my trip until I got my dog but I wouldn't  have been able to hold on that long,and it still gives him a few months to settle in before I leave, and I know the 30 YR old will take good care of him(he loves him) while I'm away, and my hubby can't do my mother's income tax this year like usual either with her dead as they've shut down her account so I just said forget about it and in the polls the corrupt Liberals are ahead( God forbid people are stupid enough to re-elect those assholes again!) but record number of people are voting early, which usually indicates that they want change, so hopefully the Conservatives will actually win.

Physical pain and I are close friends of long duration.-Philip