Empty And Alone.

 Have you seen last night's recent post Dark Empty Hole?

I saw this profile yesterday and the screen name made me laugh. I really needed  a good laugh too because with Buddy gone I just feel so empty and alone and last night was the first night without him too and it felt so empty in my bed without him cuddled up next to me and like a piece of myself and my life is missing. My heart is heavy with sorrow and grief and I just feel so alone and empty. He was my heart and my lifeline. I keep asking God to take me,too, so I can be with him again but why isn't He listening? I have no life without him and no reason to live anymore and nothing left.

 I wasn't going to even mention it( because no one cares,anyway) but I did try to end it the night he died,too, except it didn't work, just like always.My original plan was to inject an air embolism into my veins and I had a syringe hidden for just that purpose when the time came.....

except I'd hidden it so well I forgot where and I couldn't find it.

It just figures.

Just my "luck."

I'm just waiting to die and want to die  but it never works and I'm just so frustrated and angry. All that happened was I got really sick, all "jittery" and agitated, barfed, had Tardive Dyskinesia, and felt really "woozy".

Why won't God just set me free and let me be with him?

I also really love this dress,  and the clothes below remind me of my childhood in the 70's, bringing back happy memories,and I heard Stairway To Heaven on the radio again yesterday and I have this massive headache today as well, likely from stress and high BP due to it. I'm just plodding along in the fog, in the darkness, just going thru the motions, but numb and feeling so lost, empty, and alone. I lost my best friend and nothing will ever console my grief and  broken shattered heart.

I lost the only thing that kept me alive.

These dreams go on when I close my eyes Every second of the night I live another life.-Heart