Today is Easter AND 420 so spark one up for Jesus! It's also our first Easter without both my mother AND Buddy as well as Beja's first Easter as last year it was in the end of March and he wasn't born until April. I also got the usual hollow dog chocolate I've had every year for the past ,I don't know, at least 10 years or so because here in dinky Bumble-F*ck there simply isn't much selection. I feel sick today as well( for the past 3 days, actually) just as someone usually is sick on holidays. It started Friday but was worse yesterday and today: really dizzy, sweaty, weak, feeling drained(like a deflated air mattress) sick to my stomach, shitting, sore stomach and abdomen, headache, feeling like I'm always going to pass out, just really bad shape like I must have some sort of virus, maybe even Covid again or perhaps even Hanta Virus or something from the dead mouse I was looking for in the bathroom I never did find( it must be stuck down in a pipe somewhere?) but I can still smell, worse each day. or maybe it could even be due to heart, kidney, or liver failure? Friday during the night I even had trouble breathing in bed,too.
Or maybe my system is just simply overwhelmed and exhausted and shutting down due to all the extreme grief , stress, and emotion lately?
I also asked my hubby if he could take the BBQ out of my room and back to the shed as it was really a struggle for me to drag it all the way up there 3 flights of stairs (that sucker is heavy!)and I almost passed-out and he had this strange look and asked, What's the BBQ doing up in your bedroom? and I told him, I was trying to carbon monoxide myself, what else? and he said he'll have the 30 YR old carry it back down because of his bad shoulder. It's also a weird feeling too to be grieving one dog while falling in love with another at the same time, mixed emotions, and my hubby snorts about my multiple suicide attempts that I "do it all the time" and thinks they're just "half-assed" attempts even though they are real and serious and I was totally committed; it just never works ( more of my typical failure and bad luck) and he said next time to just jump off a highway overpass except I don't want it to hurt (or to be gory for someone else to clean up)or to end up paralyzed or something, with MY "luck." Beja's breeder also told me the reason he's not used to the collar and leash is because she's a double-amputee and wasn't able to take him on walks and now I feel really shitty for asking why.
My hubby said the kids also think Beja "looks like an alien, like Yoda or something, and call him Cuggly I thought meant "cute and cuddly" except it means "cuddly & ugly" but f*ck them; I know he's cute and they should have seen themselves at birth as newborns; they looked like little purple aliens themselves!! Beja also likes to perch up high(like up on the back of the couch) like a bird and scan his surroundings, like a king surveying his kingdom, and his original name was Joey as well but that's my brother-in-law's name as well and also makes him sound like a gangster so I changed it, and he alerted me yesterday,too by barking and then I realized I'd left the lid on the pot on the stove I had on and it was all boiling over! My hubby doesn't let him on his recliner chair ,either( but he just goes on anyway when he's not looking, ha,ha) but he was sitting there and he just jumped up onto his lap anyway; he's going to make him like him!
Beja also doesn't like the Shadow People and he barks at them. Buddy used to just stare at them but not bark but I guess in time he'll get used to them when he realizes they don't hurt us. They've been here for years and even the 30 YR old's GF said she "feels something" in the house and thinks it's "haunted" and has "ghosts" and I remember too when the kids were younger how they used to talk about a ghost we had in the house named "Harold." I think they're more likely Guardian angels.I also remember my friend T in Jr. High thinking our old Toronto house was "haunted" too so maybe they follow US and not the house? I also was wondering how much those big circular hay bales(I saw them along the way to pick up Beja-Boy) cost and how long it lasts a horse and I guessed around 100$ and a week and my hubby said no, way more like 1K and 6 months so I checked it and it turned out that I was closest: 75$-100$ and lasts 3 weeks or so. I also didn't know almond milk can go bad and curdle but it does, just like regular milk and turns to chunks,too! Ewww!
You learn something new every day.
Sometimes more than one thing.
If I had died, nobody would have cared. That was the singular situation which made me realize I was truly on my own.
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