Afterthoughts.

This morning my hubby couldn't find his glasses and enlisted my help. His phone rang( on his bedside table) early in the morning( the 30 YR old's boss cancelling his first day back at work following his concussion recovery because now the boss hurt his back!) and he fumbled to get the phone half-asleep in the dark and knocked everything off, sending the glasses flying and took forever trying to find them but he's even more blind than I am, so I went...and within seconds I found them; just under the bed at the side....and I also found this,too, on top of a shelf: a little hippo! He said it must have been left-over from my mother sometime that she probably got for me at some point and saved for Christmas or something he found when he cleaned the room  so he gave it to me this morning. So it was like a belated gift from my mother. 

Yesterday eating the Mother's Day food(it was her fave. restaurant,too) her and I normally have together was also sad and I dedicated it to her and I cried over Buddy again last night as well and yesterday  of my 11 kids( but you can't count the 2 that are no longer here)only the 30 YR old( who lives here, but so does the youngest too and he never bothered) and the oldest wished me a Happy Mother's Day but the oldest was the one who first made me a mother and "initiated" me into The Club,  and it reminds me of that Bible story of when Jesus healed 10 lepers but only one returned to thank Him and He said, "Were there not 10? Where are the other 9?"and before,years ago, I used to hope I'd hear from the kids, like how I used to wait when I was younger for Valentine's cards that would never come, but now I don't expect anything anymore. I also hope that my kids will show me the same mercy and compassion I chose for my mother, to remember the good times and to not dwell on the bad.

This morning it's also 2C but going up to 24C and someplace in Newfoundland they even got 39 cm of SNOW, and I had to soak in Epsom salts this morning to ease the sting of my sunburned legs, and the oldest said the 27 YR old's only working in BC for a month and NOT a year like I was told, for a few days I still have pain on my right side under the ribs only now it hurts when I inhale as well, and I thought it might be my liver but now wonder if it's my right lung? I know it's NOT the gallbladder though as that's long gone.It could also be my pancreas,too,or my right kidney(it's too high up to be my appendix)... The news was also 30 minutes late coming on last night again because of the stupid basketball( they should put that crap on the sports channel where it belongs!) so I ended up missing half of it, and I heard a neighbour call her dog Freya I thought was a cool name.

I also like this skirt, and I cried for Buddy again last night(I still just miss him sooo much!!) and my hubby likes to say Beja is "like a cat" just to piss me off too because he knows I hate cats and think they're vermin like rats and mice, and they're "re-counting" from the recent election as well and I think it's to try and make sure the Liberals GET the Majority gov't they want( cheating, just like I think they did to rig the election so they'd win) but failed to achieve and they only need 2 more seats...and the 18 YR old said he didn't like doing the 30 YR old's job filling in for him and will possibly consider looking into accounting, and one of my cousins in Europe her son is an accountant and her girl is modelling which surprises me as (no offence) as even though she does look better since she ditched her glasses and got her teeth fixed she's still NOT "pretty" so it makes me wonder if she's maybe even been deceived and into human trafficking or something, and now the house is the only thing I have left to remember Buddy, my mother, and the kids growing up and I'm never  going to sell it. I also love my solitude in the backyard, like my own private sanctuary, cut off from the world where I can suntan, smoke mi ganja, and just escape from everything.

I ended up spending insane amounts of time and money trying to protect the people and things I hold close to me, and I lost a lot.-Brittney F