Rainbow Swirl.

Today I used one of my new rainbow swirl bath bombs and it turned the bath water a nice tie-dye colour. I also heard Stairway To Heaven again yesterday and Beja's been here for 3 weeks now and even though I DO love him no one and nothing will ever "replace" Buddy; he was my Heart-Dog and my soulmate. I look forward to the day we reunite again on the Other Side and he runs over to me and jumps into my arms. Sometimes when I'm petting Beja I close my eyes and imagine I'm petting Buddy but then I feel guilty,too, like when you're getting it on with your hubby but you pretend that he's actually George Clooney. In a way it feels like Beja is my "consolation prize" after having Buddy, even though I really do love him with all my heart there will still always be this big void Buddy left that can never be filled. I can't believe that both  my mother and Buddy are gone now,too, and it's a big loss and alot of loss, esp. in just 4 months in-between.

No wonder my heart is so tired.

Yesterday I also heard Dee Snider say something funny on the radio and it made me laugh and it feels good  to be able to laugh and smile again as I really never thought I would be able to ever again after losing Buddy but Beja helps heal my heart and I have a sneaking suspicion that he might NOT be as old (a year old) as they say; I think he still might actually be a puppy; he's all legs like a puppy, he still has a bit of a "soft spot" on the top of his head, and it looks like he still has "puppy teeth" and he still chews on everything and has high energy and gets into mischief like a puppy.....the good thing is though if he is younger it means he'll also live longer,too and Chihuahuas generally live 15-20 years. I still will never forget or forgive my hubby for saying he "doesn't miss" Buddy; it was my biggest loss and heartbreak in my life  and he doesn't even miss him?

I also heard the news reporters( in their 40's and 50's) yesterday say how they're going to visit their mothers for Mother's Day and it made my heart hurt as this will be my first Mother's Day without my mother since she died, and my ingrate kids never even acknowledge it and I never even hear from them, so I'm just going to make my own day( who needs them?) by ordering-in from my fave. Italian restaurant and I asked my hubby to pick me up some flowers and I'm taking the day off cooking and laundry. I also heard someone say the mother is the "Heart of the family" and it made me sad as I know my kids would say I'm not and that my mother was; I've never been the "heart" of anything; I'm not even considered to be a "Main Character" in my own family or in my own home. I also heard Pope Leo speaking yesterday, in English, and I thought to meinself, "Boy, his English is really good! He doesn't even have an accent!"....and then I remembered, "He's American, you doofus!Of course he speaks English well!" 😂

When there's love inside I swear I'll always be strong Then there's a reason why I'll prove to you we belong.-Rod Stewart