10 Years Ago.

Yesterday this photo of Buddy and I 10 years ago showed up in my "memories" Facebook feed. He was so beautiful and he was still so young then,too, and full of energy and vitality then as well, aged 9, just a year after I got him, not like the last 1-2 years of his life where he was blind and deaf and could barely walk and just slept most of the time. I really miss him so much. Getting him was the absolute *BEST*  thing to ever happen to me and losing him was the worst. Ever since he died in April I have no joy in life anymore now,either and I just aimlessly plod thru each day hoping each is my last.

 I'm not really living.

I'm just existing.

I'm surviving but not thriving.

I was also surprised to see I already had grey hair 10 years ago, at age 48. I knew I've had it for a few years but didn't realize it's been at least that long. My cough's also been worse the past few days and I have a bad headache again and feel nauseous. Ugh.

Yesterday I also found a small white fluffy feather( the kind you'd get from a baby bird shedding its first feathers)  on the back porch and apparantly finding a feather is symbolic of  a spiritual contact, either from a deceased loved one watching over you  or guiding you or an angel and can also mean change and transition in your life; something new ahead, or your prayers are being answered,esp. with it being a white feather..

Ooooh, lets' hope so.

We also have an air advisory today once again due to the wildfire smoke and it looks hazy out there and I can even smell the smoke and yesterday was the Caribbean Carnival and parade in Toronto and people come from all over the world to see it ( even from the Caribbean!) and they always have so many pretty glittery  and elaborate costumes with sequins and feathers,etc.(see above photo) but also so scantily-clad,too,just a step up from the half-naked people in the Pride parade, and I bet alot of people just come to see all the jiggling boobs and bootys on display and I even saw the TV news meterologist and she was practically naked wearing basically "pasties" and I could even see part of her "nips" and she looked like a stripper and it was shocking and inappropriate and I lost all respect for her. I also always thought Rod Stewart's name was Rodney too but was surprised to find out it's actually Roderick.

Well, what do you know? You learn something every day.

Even though with my breathing issues I can't run around and chase Beja like my hubby and the 30 YR old do we still have our other games we play though, like Fetch, Tug-'o-War, wrestling, "I'm going to cut your tail off!" etc. and we also have lots of cuddling, and snuggling bonding time as well  and he's by my side most of the time and sits next to me, lays on my chest or curled up in my lap, and sleeps with me so I don't think I have anything to worry about as far as  bonding and "stimulating" him like the 30 YR old says; he's( just like everyone in my family) just good at making me feel inadequate.

If you have to ask for freedom you're never going to get it.