A September To Remember.

Can you guess what this is? It's not what you think.

You might think it's sunflowers growing only it's not. It's actually my dying cut sunflowers  that I tossed into the vines so they can decompose naturally and so that the birds, squirrels, rabbits, chipmunks, etc. can eat them. It was also a perfect nice warm summer day yesterday 26 C and I was outside all day but the youngest said it was "too hot" to do his Track & field (which did return) even though for me it was perfect and I never even needed the A/C inside or even the fan! It's been nice and summer-y warm all this month; a September to remember! 

 The post office is also no longer delivering flyers( mailers in USA) in protest as if anyone even cares; we're all glad to have no junk mail that just gets thrown out anyway, and yesterday my hubby's thing at work in Toronto got cancelled as his boss is recovering from surgery( he said her "eyes fell out of her head" which I don't think can be right; I mean how exactly can your eyes fall  out when they're attached?) and she still can't see well or drive. He joked I had to cancel the male strippers I had booked while he was away and then I added I was also going to have the Roman orgy as well AND have some Furries over too and now you ruined my plans! HA!

Today the 30 YR old also gets a long overdue and much-needed haircut,and I was worried he was starting to let himself "go" already even though he's still too young for that, and and I bet our water bill this month will be really high as well with the leaking hot water tank that also had to be drained when they removed it to install the new one(and than that one had to be filled,too) and I saw the cast of Dancing With the Stars  as well and Corey Feldman was the only one I even recognized and have no idea who any of the others even are; it's like they're scraping the bottom of the barrel of D-Listers. What a lame show,anyway, and you couldn't even pay  me to watch! Author Robert Munsch has also chosen medically-assisted suicide due to his dementia diagnosis and maybe that's  what I  can get,too, to make sure it actually succeeds and I also heard someone tried to kill themselves 13 times(twice as many times as me!) and failed, so I'm not the only one who is a complete failure.

Now I also heard Beja squawk and run off a couple of times for the 30 YR old as well and it makes me wonder if the snuggly, cuddly, affectionate, playful him was just his puppy version and now this skittish, fearful  aloof version is his adult version? If so I like, prefer, and want the other version back! It's simply no fun( and I get no enjoyment from) having a dog that wants nothing to do with me and ignores me and runs away from me and spends most of the day hiding under the table. Nothing good ever lasts for too long(esp. for me!) and Buddy was the only one who never stopped loving me or abandoned me. He was the only one who ever truly, really loved me.

Right to the very end.

 I now have nothing and no one to even live for anymore, no reason to still carry on now Buddy's gone and now Beja  doesn't even love me; nothing to hold on to, to keep me here, to keep me going, to give me a reason to live, and now Beja doesn't even bring me love and happiness anymore,either; just anxiety, stress, rejection,hurt,and sadness. Yesterday my hubby was also being theatrical retching as he stepped in shit(but that was his fault for not looking where he was going) and today I heard a guy on the radio say he has a Mini Dachshund( like Buddy was) and it just made me cry.

I just miss Buddy so much and he gave me a reason to live.

Now I have nothing left.

I feel so empty, lost, and alone.

I also had this weird dream about my closest friend in Ottawa(who is 10 years older than I am) I last saw over 20 years ago when we had to disappear and go into hiding and I haven't been able to find( re-connect on Facebook for example)since but I often think about and wonder how she's doing and in the dream she was gay and went on a cruise and met her GF. I never knew(and don't care) but it was a surprise and now I wonder if it's actually true or not.

I just hope she's happy regardless.

This stained glass on our front door is also one of my fave. things in our house and my hubby said next Sept. my life insurance policy runs out and then I have to be re-evaluated and with all my medical issues the premiums will go waaaay up so I hope I die before then ( even after I'm gone here I am still thinking about taking care of everyone even though I'll be gone and it won't be my problem) and I'm sure my family does as well: not only to get rid of me but also to get some $$$ and also to be able to sell the house, downsize,and move on, so everybody wins so I wonder why God is taking so long?

 I also can't figure out why such a big push to get Charlie Kirk's killer executed when there's so many other mass/school shooters that have also killed innocent people, incl. children; what makes this case so "special" and a priority? My guess is it's a diversion; a distraction away from the Epstein Files...US VP Vance is also calling on people to turn in anyone celebrating the murder as well and as awful as it is to celebrate anyone's death you should still be free to express any opinion without fear of punishment from the authorities.

Once you're dead nothing matters anymore. No more worries.