Rejected.

They will always find you. They always do. One day, you’ll see a dog and say, “that's the new one.”-Kelly Vaughn

I wish I knew what was wrong with Beja.

Yesterday he snuggled up with me outside in the morning but in the afternoon when I picked him up to cuddle the same way he kept yelping and   leaped out of my arms and ran away and hid in a corner and he won't come near me in bed or on the couch anymore or play, and he won't do his Dog Jog with my hubby anymore,either(and yesterday he  snarled at him, Go away! No one wants to hang out with you anymore! yet when the 30 YR old came  home his tail was wagging( with us he's now always hunched over, tail down between his legs, shivering) and  brought his toy in his mouth over to him to play.....so what IS it? Was he traumatized seeing us doing IT? (My Chihuahua Yuri back in the late 80/s and early 90's used to just sit there and stare and watch us do IT(the little pervert!) but wasn't affected by it) and it makes me feel rejected and I fear it will affect our bonding.

Buddy was never scared of me.

I wonder if it's maybe even some sort of neurological issue? Why all of a sudden has he suddenly become so fearful and skittish?

Now it's like I've "lost" him and it feels like living with a cat or a room-mate; I barely even see him much anymore, just passing by the odd time but no real interaction anymore.

I really don't think I'm meant to be happy or loved.

I think I'll either go on another trip back to the Caribbean or try to kill myself again which probably won't work anyway, just like it never has all the other numerous times I've tried before because I'm such a failure I can't even kill myself properly.

This week is also going to be like summer again( the last hoorah before fall?) between 26/28C so I'm back to going barefoot and wearing T-shirts and shorts again and I hate getting things show up on my computer saying I have ad blocks asking if I want to disable them.

No, stupid, I don't.

If I wanted to be annoyed by ads why would I even have an ad blocker in the first place? No, I don't want to disable it so f*ck-off.

I also can't think of anything more boring than curling or golf and I'd rather watch paint dry or grass grow, and for awhile now the bone behind my left ear hurts when I touch it and feels like when you have a bad bruise and you press really hard on it (tumour?)except it never got hurt or banged or anything to explain it, and  one of my Facebook friends is sober now but when he was drinking he said he spent a whopping  600$ a month  on booze!

Holy shit!!!

Tell me also what's the difference between THIS....

and THIS.

Nothing.

because there is no difference.

Scrambling and getting by is our default setting. It’s so sad.-Gerard