Us Poor Folks.

So I put garlic spread on a list for my hubby to pick up.

What did he come back with? Herb & garlic cream cheese dip.

You know, the kind for rippled chips(ribbed for your pleasure) and I needed the garlic spread to put on my stale French bread I could toast and put on and make garlic toast so herb & garlic dip isn't going to do it. He's always getting the wrong thing(I mean, how hard is it, esp. for someone saying he's so smart) and yet whenever I want to go out(so I could get it myself) it's always such a big hassle for him to drive me. This is only useful for the rippled chips but luckily he said he just happened to have some( so it wouldn't be wasted) but both the chips and the dip were the cheap, crappy, store brand Great Value brand and tasted like shit but that's  the crap us poor folks have to settle for and I'm sick of that,too.

Of always having to settle, to put up with crap.

The cheap, inferior, gross shit.

Never getting what I really actually want.

and in the end I still never got my garlic spread.

Last night in bed Beja also suddenly yelped and sat bolt upright and jumped up and ran to the end of the bed, almost as if something pinched him or bit him and this morning he ran by my hubby doing his yoga and shrieked and the 30 YR old said it's just a "behavioural issue" he's "just doing for attention" and to "just ignore it" but I wish I knew why and what's causing it and why he all of a sudden is so fearful and pretty much wants nothing to do with me anymore and just hides under the table most of the time; it's like I don't even have a dog anymore.

He also always has this sad look in his eyes now,too.

I've never been someone's everything or someone's entire life until I had Buddy and now he's gone.

Now I have no one.

I also heard another 12 YR old in Toronto was arrested for murder( of a homeless guy) and I feel really sick today,too; nauseated, dizzy, "woozy" and like I'm just going to pass out. Hopefully today will be The Day.

 Every day I keep hoping and praying....

Across the street is still getting their driveway done and had all this activity yesterday( shown here) and tomorrow my hubby has to go in to Toronto for work and yesterday he finally actually admitted what I have always known all along:

that no one cares what I think, say, think, feel, or need.

It started off as a simple thing, really; I asked if the youngest has his track & field today and he said he didn't know so I suggested he check ahead of time before they go down there all for nothing and waste their time but he couldn't be bothered and I said Why would you waste time like that? Just check beforehand... and he snaps The only one that cares is YOU!  and I said, So that means that if I'm the only one that cares about something or that is concerned about anything it "doesn't matter" or count because it's just me?  and he agreed and when I confirmed, So no one cares then what *I* think? he confirmed, Yes, NO ONE CARES!!!

and then they wonder why  I feel so unwanted, outcast, and hate my family.

I was young then of course and was. seeing things I’m sure through the prism of youth .-Joan Grennan