I've seen a few episodes of the show Hudson & Rex that my mother used to watch and last season they left it with the main caracter Charlie( shown above) going off looking for his missing brother(the actor in real life was fighting cancer) and then the last they'd heard from him was he got shot and they couldn't find his body.....and now the new season started up and the only mention they even had of him was how everyone all missed him.....and that was it. No real mention of what happened, no closure, no timeline of how long it's been, nothing. It was very disappointing. They just started it off with the new guy taking over(shown below) bonding with the police partner dog as if it was totally natural and poor Charlie never even existed. It's not right and I think he deserved a much better goodbye and farewell and it just made me realize how easily "replacable" everyone really is; we all are.
We die and then life goes on and we're just replaced and forgotten. That's how I feel in life too and I'm still alive. I also saw a commercial for that lame show The Golden Bachelor and the guy had a shrine dedicated to himself in his house with all his trophies, awards, football helmets and slides showing his achievements, etc. and I thought to myself how vain and conceited he is and no WONDER he's still single!!
Speaking of being replaced, it's only getting worse with Beja. He continues to reject me and push me away and always goes off with the 30 YR old instead and it breaks my heart. Yesterday he spent all day with him and when I went to get him for bed( he was up in his room hanging out with him and his GF) he shrieked and ran down stairs so I asked him to go get him as I can't run up and down the stairs but he didn't so I just gave up and went to bed and cried and later my hubby found him and brought him in and when I tried to kiss him goodnight he yelped and ran to the end of the bed.
I feel so rejected.
What the f*ck?
Pretty soon I'm not even going to bother anymore or have anything to do with him.
I can only take so much rejection and heartbreak before I just give up,
I just had enough and tried to end it again last night and ate something poison and injected an insulin pen I found my mother had left over.....but as usual NOTHING HAPPENED.
Why can't I just die already?
I have NO reason to live and even my own dog is scared of me and doesn't love me.
He was my life-line and now I don't even have him.
NO ONE loves me or wants me around and I have NOTHING to live for.
Yesterday the 30 YR old even was able to give Beja a bath, something I haven't even dared to attempt since he squirms, squawks and bites if I even cut his nails and I don't want to scare and alienate him even more but of course he was fine with him and I just don't get it; why does he hate me and why is he scared of me? It makes me feel like a monster and I have no idea why. He used to love me so what happened? Can he sense I'm dying soon and he's pulling away and attaching himself to a new person?
He also took him to the dog park which worries me as being a Chihuahua he's very vulnerable to bigger dogs attacking him but the 30 YR old says HE'S "stronger than a Pitbull or Great Dane" and can defend him.....yeah....riiiiight.... and I also heard that dogs raised by breeders and that live in kennels for more than the usual 8 weeks( like Beja was) end up "spooked" by everything as they haven't been exposed to regular life so maybe that's what it is? The 30 YR old also said his GF's dog( who was 14) died a few weeks ago when I asked about it (no one ever tells me anything)and my hubby said he told me( which I know he never did because for sure I would remember something like that!!) and said I probably forgot as I was "high" and it had cancer so she euthanized it. Poor thing..He also said Buddy "suffered greatly" insinuating I was neglectful even though I loved him with all my heart and did manage his pain with CBD oil and Tylenol.
I also heard Stairway To Heaven again last night and there was no Rapture yesterday as predicted(disappointing) and I'm disappointed and the 30 YR old expected HE would be Raptured and I would be left behind and I told him I thought it would be the opposite, esp. since he doesn't even believe in God, and my new computer is supposed to arrive tomorrow( yay!) and once my hubby sets it up I'll be good to go, and now dumb-ass Trump says Tylenol while prego causes autism which is a crock of shit considering *I* have autism and Tylenol didn't even exist then( we just had Aspirin) and most of my kids have autism and I never even took ANY drugs or medication when I was prego...it's just genetic.....duuuh....of course I wasn't diagnosed until I was 45 and already had my kids, otherwise if I had known before I never would have even had kids.
I'm sorry for being me.
Perhaps that is what true love is: a feeling that remains, even when life makes it impossible to be together.-Bornhen
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