10 Months.

 Did you see my recent post Winter Hibernation?

It's been exactly 10 months today since my mother died.

Almost an entire year already.

It's hard to believe that it's been that long. I also thought she'd live longer( she was 83) into her 90's(like my Babushka did; she was 93), esp. since she never smoke, drank, or took drugs. It was a shock, actually.

My fat ass also broke yet another chair again today; this time as I was sitting out the back smoking 'Da Blessed Herb, but in my defence it also was a years-old rusty metal chair,too, so it was already worn out and decaying to begin with. Someone online said I should exercise and lose weight and society shouldn't have "fat acceptance" and denounced "Down with fatties!" not knowing the entire story that I used to BE skinny for most of my life actually, and only started to put on the weight when I was 45, after they took the gallbladder out, and all my medical issues began, and it just won't come off now my metabolism has changed with age as well, plus with menopause, and now with my back and breathing issues I can't exercise/exert myself ; I can't even go for a walk anymore now,either, without getting completely out of breath and almost fainting.

The 31 YR old also told me there were turds in the hallway from Beja to clean up and actually HE should be doing it now since he acts like he's his dog and when I told him that he scoffed he "hasn't bought him off me yet" but all I get is to do is the "grunt work" ( feeding him and cleaning up the mess) and no benefit  while he gets all the fun and that hardly seems fair, esp. when he really IS my dog but he's always with him and I hardly even see him anymore.

Should I get a second dog( for me) or should I  just kill myself?

Some things are over Some things go on Part of me you carry Part of me is gone.-Tom Petty

I feel so badly Jamaica( my spiritual home I love dearly) being hit with that catastrophic hurricane, not only its worst ever but also one of the worst recorded and my hubby scoffs, What, would you prefer it hit somewhere else, somewhere you didn't like?

Yeah, ok, how about Florida? Plus, the Orange Shitgibbon also has his Mar-A-Lago estate there.

On the news I also saw a White Jamaican( I'd say in his 50's or so) and he spoke  the typical Jamaican patois and I love it but it sounds funny and sort of "tricks" your mind hearing an accent you'd expect from a Black fellow but it's a White guy, and I remember when I was in the Virgin Islands one of the young guys( who was also a Whitey) in his early 20's  working on a sailboat we were on also had the same cool accent and I thought it was the coolest thing. He said he was born and raised there.

It also pissed me off that the first  or main story on the news wasn't even the major hurricane but some dumb baseball game! Talk about NOT having priorities straight and  my hubby said it was the "longest game ever...blah,blah,blah...." but this is WORST hurricane  ever and people are dying ....quite a bit more important  and newsworthy in world events I'd say!!!!! I also go to the Foreigner concert tomorrow, finally at last, and then there's nothing left and I can just roll over and die.

I hope life will allow me, and I can allow myself, to be happy for one day.

A broken skyline Which way to love land? Which way to something better? Which way to forgiveness? Which way do I go?-Tom Petty