Dognapper.

Today is my hubby's 62nd birthday  and just like the old man that he is( ha.ha) yesterday he once again fell asleep in his recliner chair, just like I remember my Dedushka doing in his green leather recliner! He even said "that's what it's for". HA!  Today would also be a good day to die and even though I usually don't want to die on anyone's birthday in this case he would be happy and it would actually be a good present for him. Yesterday and today my abdomenal and back pain is also really bad (it kept me awake last night) and he scoffed, Something *always* hurts  but the thing with chronic daily pain is that even though I hurt *every* day some days are still much worse than others. I know certain cancers( such as pancreatic, ovarian., and kidney, for example) are known to cause severe back pain so it makes me wonder.... I also saw my first winter/ snow snow tire commercial on TV the other day and this morning when I woke up it's -3C!  There's also a travel warning for Jamaica for that Cat 5 hurricane that already pummelled the Dominican Republic and is also going to hit Cuba so I guess I won't be going back to any of those places any time soon and it's good I'm not travelling there now.

The 31 YR old also continues to be a dognapper and yesterday he had Beja for 95% of the day and I hardly even saw him and he even has him goes into his bedroom first thing in the morning once I get up and last night they were sitting on the recliner and as I went to get him for bed  he not only barked at me in protest he looked like he was going to bite me,too, and I was mad and quickly scooped him up and flipped him over onto his back into the "submission" pose to let him know who's Boss and I told the 31 YR old if he pays me the same amount of $$$ I paid the breeder for him he can have him; he can take him and he can be his dog officially and I'll just get another dog for me, one that will actually want to be with me and love me and spend time with me , and I also reminded him if he is his dog he also has to feed him and clean up his pee and shit(like I do now) as well....

Yesterday my hubby also tried an experiment to get Beja to eat his dog food, which he's been refusing; he put it on his plate and pretended to eat it( because he does eat our food) and it actually worked; he sat there patiently beside him(licking his chops) for some and so he put some on another plate and put it down on the floor for him....and he eagerly ate it up and wanted more....and ended up eating half of it before he seemed to realize what it was! HA! So this entire time it was just attitude and him just being a little diva! It just tastes better off someone else's plate!

 Being suicidal also isn't just trying to kill yourself but also fantasizing and wishing that you get into a car accident, or having the urge to open the car door and jump out onto the highway, or imagining jumping off a roof, or wishing to get cancer, or wanting to "trade" with someone else who is dying, esp. if they don't "deserve" it or want it, etc. It's an entire state of mind and I still pray to God daily to take me and set me free so I won't have to do it, myself but if for some unknown reason He does still want to keep me alive to at least give me and show  me a reason to live( because I just don't see it) and to bring some love and joy into my life.

Pray for me Father, for I know not what I do I am the monster, yeah you must have read the news Don't know how it started, but I know just how it ends Pray for me Father, 'cause I'm runnin' out of friends,-Ozzy Osbourne