KISS Another One Goodbye.

 Have you seen last night's posts Just Done  and Where Beauty Lives?

Original KISS founder and guitarist Ace Frehley (shown here) has died from a brain bleed after a fall at age 74. KISS was one of the first bands I liked since I was a kid and I was even a member of the KISS Army and had the KISS patch and their concert was the best concert I've ever been to. Diane Keaton also just recently died and it always seems that famous people die in a series of three, so I wonder who the next one will be? Lately it seems that everyone is dropping like flies and yet here I still am. It just doesn't seem fair I keep trying to kill myself  and want so desperately  TO die and nothing happens and other people just die for "free" and for the most part they most likely don't even want  to. 

What does God want  from me? 

 This weekend with my hubby away would also be a good time to try again yet I've honestly run out of ideas that I haven't tried yet over the years and my many numerous attempts I don't know what's left  that isn't painful or gruesome for whoever has the misfortune of finding me. I have to find a way that's quick, painless, and efficient yet at the same time isn't bloody, gory, or traumatic for who finds me. It's sad as well that my family can clearly see my decline and yet they just stand by silently and watch, never even  caring or bothering to ask if I'm ok but just watching and waiting, it's like they're hoping  I die.

It's nice having my hubby away for 4 days  as well and I get a break but I also always miss out on stuff too like the Diwali festival this weekend and I can't watch Tony & Ziva  from this week either until Monday once he's back as he's not here to download it for me and get it onto the TV for me to watch as I have no idea how to do any of that technical stuff and no one else will help me even if they know how because my family are assholes that don't give two-shits about me.

Last night the youngest also went "off" on me just for asking him why he didn't eat his dinner and I asked if he didn't feel well or if he doesn't like buttermilk chicken anymore.....and he started loudly screaming at me! WTF? I didn't deserve that! What the hell is wrong with him? At least with the almost 31 YR old( his birthday is tomorrow) not hanging out with his GF anymore he's gone back to going out and doing things on his own again like he used to do before, like the past 2 nights he's gone back to "Da Club(he hasn't been to in ages) and he's gone back to singing again like he used to enjoy so (even though I don't like him going to bars) it's nice to see that; that he's getting back to things he liked to do and enjoy  before, and I got Jergens  original cherry/almond lotion and it reminds me of my childhood as my mother always used it and it brings back memories of a happy time in my life when we used to get along well( before I had kids of my own and she took over) plus I also really like the scent.

I hope when I cross over to the Other Side I can also revisit and re-live those happy times.

I've witnessed your suffering As the battle raged high.-Dire Straits