No One Cares.

Have you seen last night's post Yet Again  and the recent Once Again?

This is a drawing of the 31 YR old one of his friends did and he's not even a professional graphic artist(I assumed he was, it's so good) but a singer!  Guess whose car was in our driveway again last night,too? His so-called "ex" GF but I think they must have got back together as that's 2 nights in a row. It's nice if they have worked things out, but why be so deceptive about it?He won't even answer me when I ask.  I noticed it there shortly after I went  up to bed last night but it was gone in the middle of the night when I got up to pee. I also had my suspcions as he still uses the sunflower oil( instead of the olive oil he used to use before he met her but she's allergic to so he switched) and did his laundry separate( normally I do it all) with the special detergent he bought that she's not allergic to.... and why would he still bother if they're split up and he's not going to see her again?

I'm NOT as dumb as everyone thinks I am.

What I don't get is all the secrecy, deception, and sneaking around.

I'm really tired of all his lies, deception, sneaking around, stealing,  fornication in our house,disrespect,dishonesty,  the cocaine, etc. and of course my hubby doesn't care( and as usual I have no support)  and he's over 18 and not MY responsibility or problem anymore and I don't have to put up with his shit anymore and I'm just done.

It's time he moves out on his own,anyway.

Last night as I went to get Beja for bed(he was in the 31 YR old's room)  the little f*cker also kept barking at me and the fur on his back went up as well, and I was so angry and so hurt; he's my dog; he's not supposed to bark at me and when I went in my hubby's office to tell him the 18 YR old ( who was in the same room) rudely slammed the door right on my face, saying, Go away! No one cares! and I told him to at least wait until I leave before  he closes the door on me and he just slammed it even harder.

He's right  though and that's what hurts.

No one does care.

They treat me like shit.

This morning my hubby even used the last towel in the house for his shower not caring that I wouldn't have a towel for my bath. Just total disregard for me like always.

I'm just so sick and tired of my life and of everything. The 31 YR old isn't even talking to me anymore, due to my reaction the other day to HIM stealing  from me (him and my hubby think it's ok he stole from me but I'm NOT allowed to get mad?) and no one cares or loves me , I have no support or understanding, even my own family doesn't want me around and wants me dead,  and my entire life I've always been abused, bullied, excluded, rejected, betrayed, lied to, stolen from, taken advantage of, used, always dismissed, disregarded, undermined, over-ruled,abandoned, etc. and now I'm also still grieving my mother and Buddy as well.

It's all just too much.

That, plus I also have no reason to live or any love or joy in my life.

Even my own dog doesn't love me.

Plus, living with autism and bipolar is not exactly easy,either, esp. with no support, only blame and being hated for it.

Luckily on Saturday( after I see the finale of my TV show so I'll find out what happens) everyone will be out of the house playing Dungeons & Dragons at their friends, giving me the perfect alone time/ opportunity to try and finally get it right this time and I have another idea I hope will finally work.

I also never wrote a will because for one thing it was too expensive and I don't have the $$$ plus  all I have is the house anyway and my toxic family doesn't deserve to inherit it anyway the way they treat me(I don't even hear from my kids on Mother's Day) and they deserve all the hassle and expense of having to go thru probate for over a year. 

I'm NOT going to make it "easy" for them after everything they've put me thru.

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time All my worst fear is coming to mind Waking up over my head I'm in deep I made my own bed.-The Trews