Sullen.

Sullen.

Sullen, down-hearted, and defeated is probably the best way to describe how I'm feeling now.

This morning( like every morning lately) Beja sat outside the almost 31 YR old's bedroom door whimpering and crying for him as I was having my bath and it was annoying to say the least and it even annoyed him,too, and woke him up. He's created a monster( he said, He's just really in love) and twice today(both morning and in the afternoon) I had to chase him( because he kept running away from me) to bring him outside with me and I shouldn't have  to chase after him and force him to be with me and all I want to do is to spend some time with my dog. Is that really too "much" to ask? As soon as he ran back inside the 30 YR old was also quick to "scoop" him up and take him for a walk as well, as soon as I was "done" with him and I told him, Why don't you get your own  dog and leave mine alone?

 As if that isn't bad enough today and yesterday when I got up after my nap I also saw he had left the back porch gate wide open( so he could have run out and got loose in the street and ran off or got hit by a car) and today the back door and well, so  careless and dangerous ,and then he got mad at me  for getting mad and for telling him off! I wonder if he even did it on purpose  hoping he'd run away or is he really actually  just that stupid?

 Maybe I really should just get a second dog; one that's actually for me  and to love and and hang out with me since Beja's always with him, and if he is breaking up with his GF he's also going to be home all the time now,too, and "hogging" him up  ALL  the time. I'll never get to see him. It's like I don't even have a dog anymore.

I truly think some people are just meant to be alone and I think I must be one of them.

Now I no longer suntan out in the yard topless but sit outside wearing my warm Oodie  and bundled up under a blanket but today wasn't too bad; 20 C but starting tomorrow a more seasonal 13 C or so and it's funny as well how my BFF and I when we were 12 and 13 loved Paul McCartney so much and now he's just a wrinkled old fart,ha,ha, and I heard the perfect word too to describe 95% of the rednecks in this hick-ass town,too: whitetrashian. My hubby also said we should move to London and I said it's even more expensive than Toronto and he said it isn't and I reminded him, It is; I've been there!  and he goes, I mean London Ontario, NOT London, UK! and when I asked, Why would you want to move there? he said To be close to  the grandchildren  and I said What grandchildren? We don't HAVE any grandchildren!!  but the 29 YR old and his fiance want kids but since he's a trans man and on testosterone I doubt conception (or a healthy baby) is very likely , and in any case, I had enough of that shit with my own  kids and I don't need to do it all over again with grandchildren. 

I'm just done.

With everything.

When they show you who they are, believe them.-Mommabear