Sunflower Tree.

I had a dream the other night that I was on the Other Side and I saw a really big sunflower tree. They not only had sunflowers but also trees with sunflower blooms all over them, like the one shown here and so my hubby showed me how to make my very own image using A.I. shown here. I took the photo of the tree from our yard and he showed me what to do and it was surprisingly easy: I uploaded my photo and just typed in what I wanted: "sunflowers all over tree" and in a couple of minutes it generated my image! He said before it would have taken him some 6 hours to create it otherwise and that's why A.I. is taking over everyone's jobs. In my dream though the sunflower "faces" were facing upwards though, towards the sky.

 It's also hard to believe it's October already and 6 months now since Buddy died and 10 months since my mother died and time still goes by and life still goes on and passes you by even during grief and loss. My poor cousin also has multiple clots in his legs leading to his heart( holy f*ck!!) and being pumped with blood-thinners and luckily he also has universal healthcare over there  like we have here and he hasn't had any vaccines( which can cause clots) recently but he has been on a recent trans-Atlantic flight to North America  on vacation which can also cause clots in legs from the prolonged sitting, even though he's (like me) travelled alot and is used to it. Maybe he even has one of those genetic blood disorders that causes his blood to clot excessively?

This is something I found myself really wanting to tell my mother about,too, and then realized she's not here anymore and it made me sad and it's times like this that I miss her the most.

Yesterday also felt nice and warm like summer  24 C and supposed to be for the next few days as well(in the high 20's) and then Tuesday rain and cool down to 13 C but I enjoy sitting outside for as long as I can and yesterday as I was out on the back porch a chipmunk suddenly landed on my shoulder, either jumping from a tree or the fence  beside me and it startled me and I jumped, What the f*ck was  THAT?  and I scared it too as it scampered off, and it was also sad to see Mr. Nissal ( who used to be one of the 30 YR old's once- beloved frog Beanie Babies big stuffy toys when he was little) all abandoned on the back lawn under a bush; it had been in the shed and some animal dragged it out and now it's all abandoned and forlorn all alone and that's exactly how I feel now,too, with no one to love me, just  unloved, unwanted, discarded, tossed away, and this morning I also heard Stairway To Heaven at 4 am on the radio again and I keep hoping it means I'm going to die soon and every day I keep hoping and praying.

I also cut Beja's nails again yesterday as they were getting long and this time I had the 30 YR old hold him in the "sling" instead of my hubby( who was busy) and he kept accusing me of "putting his legs in wrong" even though I didn't; I put them in the right way; he just kept squirming and getting them out (and I'm tired of always being blamed for everything all the time) and he was better than last time; less wiggling and he didn't try to bite me this time( he gets better each time, getting used to it) and of course the 30 YR old took "credit" for it and said it was because he was holding him and it was because of his "gentle loving touch" and I told him Spare me! It's NOT always about YOU all the time! I really wish he'd stop stealing my dog. My hubby also always accuses me of " never listening" when I do listen; I just don't hear, and there's a big difference.

I got no time, to sit and wonder I got myself, to reckon with Yeah and life won't drag me under Even if it takes, all I have to give I'll give it all.-Foreigner