Weary Days.

Yesterday was a good outside day and got up to 21 C (and almost the middle of October, if you can believe it!)and so I was able to be outside again and I still felt yucky(and still do) but not as bad as the day before. I hardly saw Beja much all weekend as the almost 31 YR old was here( and not at his GF's like I was hoping so I'd actually get some time with my dog without him always "hogging" him up) but the odd time I did see him he actually was licking me on the face again but it will be interesting to see when I come back late from the concert at the end of the month if he actually still misses me or not like he used to ( and like how he is for him now instead) or if he doesn't even care anymore. Will he still get all excited to see me when I get back or not? I really miss him though and now it seems like I don't even have a dog anymore and that he's his  now and I just see him passing by every now and then. It's also sad and hurts to realize that no one loves me or cares for me anymore now,either, and it really very lonely. At least before I had my dog to love me but now I really am all alone and I can't even think of one single reason to live, nothing left to keep me here, to hold on, to keep going anymore.

Canada Post now decided to end their 2 week strike and now do "rotating" strikes instead but nobody really even cares anymore or even really notices and are just pretty much fed-up with them and their antics, and who really needs them anyway when we have couriers for parcels and do everything else online anyway? I also saw a photo of Trudeau and Katy Perry making out on a yacht and the idiot was wearing jeans,too, I mean, who the f*ck wears jeans on a yacht? I never liked him and was never too "fond" of her  so I suppose they make a good pair and I'm still happy for  anyone who finds love and one of my Facebook  friends is still grieving her mother who died 10 months ago too even though she was a drunk and not-so-nice  and they often fought but at the end of the day she's still her mother and she still loved her and misses her and I get that.

I also clearly heard my mother's voice the other day as well; she was calling my name, and my hubby continues to annoy me saying about selling the house and continually nagging me about it knowing how I feel about it; that this is my home and I don't want to  ever sell but want to die here and the house is the only thing I have left and the only "link" I have left to my family, and I happen to like my backyard and it's my "Zen" garden and my  peaceful sanctuary away from the world and he knows how much it bothers  and upsets me when he says that too but he doesn't care and I just want to slug him every time he does ,it just gets me so mad, and I miss the news again tonight because of some stupid baseball game and 50% of people surveyed in the Shithole even said they'd give up turkey Thanksgiving dinner today to watch the dumb thing,too, proving that this really is a nation of dumb rednecks. I also got a replacement olive oil that I now keep hidden (so the 30 YR old can't throw out like he did with my other one) so I can make my mini herbed potatoes for dinner afterall.

If life won’t kill me, nostalgia will.-Ellara