Castaway.

Here is my new, most recent Facebook  avatar I just updated yesterday. I also heard the perfect word to describe me and how I feel in life,too:

castaway.

I can still remember as well in Jr. High when I asked D if she would be my gym partner and she said, Sorry, but my friends don't like you and I just hung my head and said, Uh....ok.... and slunk away and shuffled off  but looking back what I should have said(and what I would say now I learned how to stand up for myself) is , Well, I don't like your friends, either( they made fun of me and called me names) but I'm not asking them; I'm asking YOU.  I've always been and felt like an outcast, a castaway, unwanted, out of place ,rejected,  an outsider,never fitting in or belonging, always being the "Third Wheel", on the outside looking in.

 Now I've also done everything I wanted to do( got married, had kids, learned 4 languages and how to play guitar and violin, learned Sign Language, travelled extensively, been to 39 countries and seen so many amazing things, sailed on the oceans and seas, swam in the ocean, been sailing, skiing, did gymnastics and figure skating, horseback riding, parasailing, kayaking, surfing, canoeing,been to many concerts, theatre productions, musicals, operas, ballets, etc.) there's not really anything left for me anymore now, esp. not with Buddy gone.

I'm ready to let go and cross over to the Other Side and have nothing keeping me here anymore and lately I also have this recurring dream I'm working on an art project for art class on the Other Side and it's the same teacher who reminds me of my guitar teacher I had  in real life when I was 14 and sometimes my ex-friend J is in the class(like how I took art in real life for 6 years) as well but I wonder what it means? Have they died?

I also heard Stairway To Heaven again last night,too.

I like my new doobies I got from the new place even though they did cost more than usual they tasted better and relieved my pain better. My stomach, back, and abdomenal pain is still soooooooooo baaaaaaaaaaaad the pain is off the charts, and I feel nauseated today,too,and the 31 YR old said he got 100% on his college entrance exam and I don't know if I actually believe that or not as he always lies(and it's hard to believe someone would get a 100% score on a 2 HR exam) but it IS geared towards public school -level graduates though and not smarter homeschooled kids, and the important thing is he passed, and I heard the Feds are wasting 50 million $$$ promoting women's soccer in Canada which is just beyond ridiculous and a waste of $$$, for one thing no one cares about women's soccer and the $$$ could be much better used to help foodbanks and homeless shelters, for example.

I also like these pink sequin shoes but will never buy as it's risky buying shoes online as the sizes vary and it might not fit, and I was saddened as well to find the damn mice chewed all the sheepskin off my winter  leather and sheepskin pilot's hat, and normally I'd be furious but now I just feel sad they ruined it;  but it's just a hat and I can always get another one but it's unfortunate how they ruined it like that though, and they forecast December to be really cold and snowy as well, and a nearby town put their bus fares up 25% to 4$ each way( that's even more than Toronto! So it costs more for a limited bus route in a small town than to go all over a big city!) and 85$ for a monthly pass which I think is a rip-off, and 1 out of 5 immigrants leave  this Shithole, usually within 5 years(like my friend's grandmother did, and within a year) so even they know it sucks, and they even went thru all the trouble, hassle,and expense to come here and then still leave it's so bad!  Even they don't want to be here! A racist on Twitter replied "Good!" hating immigrants and Muslims and sadly there's sooooo many hateful racist people like that(and I hate people like that!) even though it's NOT the immigrants or the Muslims that are problem; it's the hate and the racists!

Autism is a different way of thinking and a different way of life.-AI.AI