One Year.

I came across this photo of the ICU yesterday and it made me sad and brought it all back about my mother last year.

I can't believe it's been an entire year already. 

Yesterday in the mail I also got a remembrance card from the funeral home for the anniversary which I thought was thoughtful and kind. I still can't believe that I actually got thru it all,either, but God is gracious, and on the 28th it'll be exactly a year since she died. I just feel so alone now though, esp. with both Buddy and her gone( and dying just 4 months apart,too)  and even more so that no one ever even talks about them or remembers them so I'm all alone in my grief and loss and don't have any support or anyone to talk about it with.

It's a heavy burden I must carry alone.

I just want so badly to let go and to be with them on the Other Side.

There's simply nothing left  here and no one here that loves me.

I also woke up at 2 am and heard Stairway To Heaven  on the radio again and both today and tomorrow we're getting snow and the 31 YR old was gone all day yesterday,too, so I got to spend the entire day with Beja without him luring him away( yay!) not like the other night when he had him up in his room with him all the time and when I went to get him for bed I couldn't reach him and I asked him to grab him for me and he wouldn't so I had to walk unsteady on the futon to get him and my balance isn't good and I fell over, knocking over the food he had on there and he growled, NOT like THAT!  and I reminded him if he would have just  helped me like I'd asked it wouldn't have been a problem.  Yesterday morning he also tried to burrow into the Oodie  I have for him on a pillow on my bed only it was dark and he couldn't see and he missed and instead he burrowed in-between the pillow and the plastic cover on the pillow and he could have  got trapped and suffocated in there but luckily I woke up(I wake up with every movement he makes,luckily) so I noticed and pulled him out and took OFF the plastic(I had there to prevent stains on the pillow) but it was scary!

I also found out that the McDonald's Happy Meal  for adults is the Grinch theme and it comes with a pair of Grinch socks,too,(although the dildo also sounded good) and I 've always liked him and can relate to the guy; he hates people and lives alone with his dog. In January both  the 31 YR old starts his Pre-Med course and  the youngest starts his Introduction To Accounting course as well, and my hubby didn't get back until after 1 am last night visiting his brother and when I asked what did they do all that time he said "Redneck stuff" and when I asked, "Like what?" he goes, "Bowling, playing pool, watching sports...." Ick. I also heard a seniors apt. for Jewish folks in Toronto area someone stole the mezuzahs off their front doors, which are prayer scrolls , being investigated as a hate crime,and the whole thing is just so stupid since their Scriptures are the Old Testament (they call the Torah) which is also the exact same as Christians also use as well, so the idiots are actually defacing their own  Scriptures at the same time,too! Duh!

I have learned that all forms of grief seems to be magnified, once you have experience that deep soul level disruption.-Kathleen Godfrey