Deflated.

Yesterday I just felt so deflated.

I felt like someone undid my valve and let all the air out of me. I felt like a deflated air mattress. I could feel the life draining out of me and I was so sleepy all day even after my nap all I wanted to do was sleep. I have zero energy and as well as the usual baaaad back and abdomenal pain I had a throbbing splitting headache, was really dizzy, felt nauseated, everything hurt, bones, muscles, etc. the light hurt me eyes, etc. and I wondered if I maybe even had a concussion from being whacked in the head the day before and my BP was dangerously high as well 176/97( usual is 120/80) so maybe it was hypertensive crisis so if I suddenly have a heart attack or stroke you'll know why.? Either way I felt like utter and total shit.

Yesterday a plumber also came for our leak and flood but he said it was the dishwasher, not the pipes so a repairman came this morning and said it needs a new part but it takes 2 weeks  to come in! 

F*ck!

 We can't do dishes for 2 WEEKS? (we just re-use the same utensils and paper plates)Why can't he just order it off Amazon  and then it arrives the next day? I also renewed the home insurance; all I had to do was call them on the phone so it's good that's done.

Whew!

It's also not dark until 6pm now and it used to be by 4:30 pm so you know what that means.....spring is coming soon! Yahoo!! I also heard Stairway To Heaven yesterday  and I saw this gov't propaganda ad on TV with a construction road crew saying Protect Ontario.....Protect Ontario from what though, and they mentioned curling on the radio and I can't think of anything more lame or boring and my mother said when she was a kid she thought curling was curling up by the fireplace and I thought it was curling your hair and I'd honestly be embarrassed to know anyone who did or watched it,  and yesterday I finally took Buddy off my Twitter  profile photo too after 10 months. I will still always love him and miss him but I guess it means I'm finally healing. I also realized I can still love Beja and it doesn't mean I love Buddy any less and I'm not being "disloyal" to him. I can love both.

They also said the tranny that did the school shooting in BC suffered from mental illness.......naaaah....really.....ya THINK.... and Iran burned a demonic Baal effigy in protest proving that they aren't the "Bad Guy" afterall and that USA really WAS "The Great Satan" all along  and actor James van der Beek died of colon cancer at age 48(he leaves behind a wife and 6 kids) and I remember the 22 YR old had a crush on him when she was younger( and he WAS a handsome dude, I agree) and I remember seeing a photo of him  awhile ago thinking to myself he had that "sickly" look like he had cancer or AIDS so I guess I was right. Someone also said kids need love, support, and kindness and I thought I provided that but with my autism and bipolar(and the brokenness  and damage of several traumas) things get very complicated but I did try my best and always meant well and had good intentions and had to battle my demons daily but I always had a good heart.

I'm tired of surviving and not living.-Simply Rotten