Peckerhead.

I came across these( above and below) 2 street photos in Moscow and it brought back some good nostalgic memories. I can still remember my mother and I walking down those same streets. It doesn't even really seem like it was that long ago even though it was 1985 when I was 18. Time goes by sooooo fast the older you get and that's no joke. I will always have fond memories of that place and it will always hold a special place in my heart. Sometime later today the guys also come back after 4 days away, likely late as it's a 4-5 hour drive and today is also Family Day  and I'm here all alone with just Beja but he's really the only one that feels like family, anyway. He's also a good guard dog and when I nap now he'll sit on my back(I sleep on my stomach) and guard me protectively as I sleep, and even though Buddy was a little Dachshund he had this loud deep "manly" bark that made him sound much bigger than he actually was but Beja has that "yappy" Toy dog bark so you can easily tell he's a Chihuahua.

Another good thing about my hubby being away is I don't have to keep switching the Google Home device to a funny name(it's now Peckerhead) because he always keeps changing it back to his name; I can just keep it like that for the past 4 days and I'm glad I didn't die while he was away either as I don't want to leave Beja home all alone without access to enough food and water for 4 days and he has this plushie octopus toy he likes,too, but he chewed a leg off it so now it only has 7 legs and I named it Septopus .

It was also a nice break not always being criticized, belittled and blamed for everything all the time, or being constantly reminded how stupid and annoying I am and how I always make everything worse, or hearing complaints about mi ganja or my "stupid music" and I haven't had to cook or do laundry with only me here as all there is in the machine now is a couple of towels, not enough to put a load thru giving me a break, and I realized how much I do love Beja as well that time he choked and went lifeless in my arms; I didn't just give up and say, "Oh, well, he's dead..." I fought for him, and I fought hard , to bring him back with CPR and I did (with God's grace) and I was just sooooo relieved.  My world ended when I thought he was dead.Yesterday as well as a swollen throat my throat also felt a bit sore too but when I smoked a spliff the warm smoke soothed it.

This is also Ellen Degeneres' set duplicating the Satanic temple on Epstein Island and I also wonder as well if maybe I have bladder cancer esp. as years before scans did show a "thickening of the bladder wall" and a cyst they weren't sure might be a tumour due to "rippling" on it and blood does show up in my pee on the tests(just not to the naked eye) and it might also explain the abdomenal and lower back pain plus the sharp painful"pinch-y" twinges, and the feeling of a "ball" feeling  in my nether-regions when I sit down and I've always had to pee alot and now I hardly do so much, plus the awful smell, so either that or kidneys........my liver enzymes and kidney stats are also always high and continue to worsen every time I get blood work done as well but they never seem to worry about it or do anything so maybe it's spread? It would explain my extreme fatigue, weight loss, and other symptoms.

All I know is something  is making me feel the way I do...and it doesn't get better,but worse.

That moment when you burst into tears in your room and you realize that no one knows how unhappy you are.-Jett