Pee In The House Day.

Yesterday I saw this old photo of me from 10 years ago  when I was 49 and I was horrified how much I've aged in just the past 10 years.

Grief, loss, and pain will do that to you, I guess.

Stress and worry is my life.

Today is also a pee in the house day for Beja. It's pouring  rain, we already got 20 mm and are set to get 50-60 mm in total plus a 90 km/HR wind and storm.  I think we might have to build an ark but I don't know where we'd even find gopher wood....do they even sell that anymore? I also discovered a new ceiling leak now as well; this one in the second floor bathroom above the sink, and my hubby said it will cost 50K or so to get the roof re-done, yet another  repair and expense we just can't afford and don't have the $$$ for and there's this warning light on the stove as well that constantly says an element is on even though it's not but costs 300$ to get fixed so we just ignore it.

It's just really soooooo discouraging to have all these repairs and expenses that we just can't afford. My hubby says to sell the house but it's my home and I don't want  to move plus we can't afford  to move anyway and we wouldn't get anywhere near  enough selling this house to be able to afford even a much smaller 3 bedroom house, not to mention the cost of movers,lawyers, home inspectors, real estate agent comission,etc.

The other day my hubby was also chattering away to Beja like he and I do and it was in English which is a language I know well...except it sounded all gibberish and garbled for a few moments and I couldn't understand what he was saying, like it was a foreign language I didn't know, it was almost as it my mind shut down and turned off  for a few minutes and it was just soooo weird, and I saw on the news Panama played Ghana in the World Cup and saw so many Panama fans but not too many for Ghana and I felt badly for them and decided to"root" for them because I always take the side of the "underdog" that no one else supports because I know exactly how it feels and it turned out they won, so yay, good for them. I also have this recurring dream lately I go back to my fave. high school but can't find my locker and roam the halls among hundreds of lockers trying to find it and end up late for class but I wonder what it might mean?

Yesterday I also saw my Angel Bird again and heard redneck Hockey Night In Canada has been cancelled and I've never seen a single episode but I'm so glad because now I won't miss the regular shows always getting pre-empted because of that stupid crap anymore, and the bank called again and left a message on the machine(likely about her loan) for my mother to call them back but it's been 18 months and she's still dead so she won't be calling them back, and I know when my hubby's away for 2 weeks ( he leaves tomorrow) Beja will really miss his Dog Jog (and I can't run around and chase him and do laps with him like he can) but at least the good of it is he'll hang around me all the time though because I'll be the only one left as he doesn't like the youngest, just like Buddy didn't. Dogs just don't seem to like him for some reason. I also heard in Toronto a 12 YR old stole a car( along with another 12 and 13 YR old accomplice who were also charged) and hit a cop so he's now charged not only with grand theft auto but also attempted murder.

at 12 years old!

When I was 12 I still had Leif Garret posters on my bedroom wall and played with Barbie and now 12 YR olds are gang bangers!

Of all the kids the oldest was originally one of the ones I was most proud of earning a university degree in Business & Finance ...but then he disappoinmted me by disregarding it(and just throwing away all that time, effort, and $$$) and now he works in a tool & die or machine shop or something like that, and the 30 YR old did well with just 3 credits away from earning a Masters in psychology but then just quit and now works at the Dollar Store...just threw it all away....to go that far all for nothing....talk about disappointing....but the one I was most disappointed in was the 31 YR old who just coasted thru life satisfied with just the bare minimum, and had no ambition.....but now  he's studying to be a doctor so he'll eventually end up the most accomplished out of all of them so it just goes to show that you never know and that things can change.

Attachment isn’t a joke. Losing your favorite person hits harder than people like to admit.-Sammy