Christmas Steve.

Today is Christmas Eve Eve, which we call Christmas Steve. This is also our Christmas tree, some assembly required, but the 22 YR old and her BF arrived and they'll be putting the tree up sometime today(and not soon enough since Christmas is in just 2 more days; we've never had it up this late before and it doesn't even feel like Christmas yet with no tree in the livingroom yet and no snow, although they say we might get light snow tomorrow, oh, I sure hope so.....please, please, please....) since he's never celebrated Christmas so we wanted to give him a good taste of it and he's excited to experience the full experience, incl. putting up the tree. My hubby and kids also refused to tell me his real name and just always had this nick-name for him, Doritos, which, I assumed, was because those are his fave. chips but as it turns out that's not even why but they won't tell me the real reason to that,either; always having their little club and their little secrets they never let me in on, so I just found out myself: I just asked him what his real name is and he told me, so HAH!

  I also have either a cold or some other kind of virus now as I have a runny nose and the fatigue is even worse than my usual daily debilitating fatigue, which I didn't even know was possible, and I've been really itchy for this past week too although at first I just shrugged it off as a symptom of liver or kidney failure(which it is) but now I also notice little red itchy things showing up on me and also when I have a bath I come out in this red, hive-y rash,and I've had to take Benadryl daily, which makes me think of possibly Parvo virus like my kids had when they were little as a possibility. I gave my mother a fright yesterday as well: it was Weed Day as well and I fell into a deep sleep on the couch and drifted off and I felt myself leaving my body and just at that very point, as I was walking down the "tunnel" she was violently shaking me; it felt like an earthquake or something which startled me out of it and brought me back, and she said it looked like I was dead and my colour didn't look right and I told her I was only sleeping and leaving my body and that I'd be back and she disrupted the process  and she goes, I know what sleeping looks like! and I guess she would since before she retired her job at the hospital was with terminally ill dying patients. I wonder what it was though? Maybe I have Sleep Apnea or something?

  Whenever I post anything or comment on anything I also always get called out for being stupid too and this time someone also asked if I was retarded. It makes me feel so ashamed for being dumb and hating myself for being me. I always get ridiculed, made fun of, and bullied no matter what. Some things never change. It's like Jr' High all over again. It follows me everywhere I go, my entire life. I feel as if I have a target on my back: LOOK! Aspergers! Bipolar! Not-too-smart! Bully me!! I'm different! I will never be like you! I will never fit in!