What I Wish I Knew Before....

 I WISH I KNEW BEFORE:

1. What being an adult was like:

When I was a kid I imagined what it would be like to be grown up and it seemed so mysterious and glamorous. I used to pretend-play being grown up and was eager for my adult life. If only I knew. Being an adult sucks. Enjoy your youth and enjoy being a kid while it lasts. For me it was the best part of my life. Don’t be in a “hurry” to grow up. Childhood is wonderful and the worst is yet to come. I wish someone would have warned me.All adulthood is is constant stress and worry about finances,bills, kids, job security,and so on.

2. Childbirth:

I wish people were honest about what labour *REALLY* feels like. In all the birthing books they describe labor pains as “discomfort”. Yeah….riiight, that’s like comparing a stubbed toe to an amputated leg. “Discomfort” is that full feeling you get after you pigged out at Thanksgiving dinner. Labour pain is the WORST most excruciating pain known to mankind. It hurts even worse than surgery, even worse than my migraines, which, BTW, I rate a 10/10. I rate labour a 12/10 on the pain scale. I had imagined the worst pain possible, the worst pain IMAGINABLE and it STILL didn’t even come *close*. Maybe they aren’t truthful about how much it REALLY hurts because it would scare people away from having kids? I would have liked to know what to expect though, and not have it “watered down”. Imagine shitting out a watermelon, or pulling your lips back over your head, or prying your vag open with a tire iron and then having a blow torch turned on. That’s the feeling. Plus with a belt of metal spikes facing inwards being squeezed as tight as possible at the same time. NOW you get the idea.

3. What having kids is really like.

Having kids wasn’t like I thought, dreamed, or expected it would be. I was very shocked and disappointed.Everyone always says how it’s the “best thing that ever happened to them”, is “meaningful” , “brings purpose into their lives”, is “the best thing they ever did”, they’d “do it all over again”, etc. but not me. The experience wasn’t like that for me. All I got was all the shit and none of the rewards. It brought nothing but undue stress, trauma, fear,and worry into my life that I didn’t even know existed or was possible and nothing is worth that and what I endured. It broke me. Having kids was my dream but it ended up ruining my life. If I had known before what it would be like I would have changed my mind and if I had to do it all over again I wouldn’t.I don’t mean my kids *personally*, I just mean the overall experience of having kids and parenting has been a negative one.

Just being honest. It hasn’t been a pleasant experience for me and my kids treat me like crap and it makes me wonder if perhaps it’s a silent epidemic out there: a world of parents secretly abused by their kids…..or is it just me?

4. Don’t “settle”.

I wish I had known before NOT to “settle”. To not “settle” in marriage or in life. It’s better to stay single than to marry the wrong person. You should only marry for love and not for any other reason. You shouldn’t always settle for second best, second rate, crap, inferior friends, choices, opportunities, or a sub-standard life.I did and I’m miserable.

5. Kids ruin a marriage.

Your relationship with your spouse changes dramatically and drastically once you have kids and it’s not in a good way. Not only does the dynamics of the family unit change if you have different parenting styles or different views on finances this is bound to become a BIG problem right from the start! I found out very early, when I was prego with my first child: my hubby was actually jealous that *I* was getting all the attention and not HIM and he resented me for it; people would ask how I was, how I was feeling, if I needed anything, etc. and he felt ignored and left out and would go sulk like a child. Once our first child was born I was also only “allowed” to be his mother and spend time with him while my hubby was at work during the day but as soon as he came home at night he would grab him out of my arms and take over and I wasn’t even “allowed” near my own baby until he left again in the morning. I felt shut out of my own baby’s life, like I needed his “permission”. I felt like a nanny.It was a huge strain.

6. You can’t trust anyone.

I learned this very young but the sooner you learn it the better: my life and life experiences have taught me that you can’t trust, believe, or rely on anyone,and I mean *anyone*, not your family, your friends, those in authority, or so-called “professionals.” Anyone and everyone can and will  lie, cheat, turn on you and betray you if given the opportunity so guard your heart and your mind and be careful who you confide in. My hubby, for instance, swore he wouldn’t ever tell my deepest darkest secret (I hadn’t told to anyone else at the time; that I was molested as a kid, not even my mother knew) but he did. Those that SHOULD look out for your best interests will hurt and betray you the most and when that trust is gone you can never get it back.