Old F*cking Grandma?

It's been bugging me all yesterday, last night and today ever since my oldest sent me that message on my birthday saying that he has a son, and I now have a grandson, pictured here. I assumed at first it was just another prank my family always pulls on me, and it most likely probably is, but they know how to pull my strings,get me going, ramp up my anxiety and worry, play on my mind and heart, mind-f*ck me, get me all worked up, confused, messed-up, doubting, questioning, everything.... so now I wonder: could it possibly be true? I mean, he will be turning 30 this year, so he's certainly old enough, and all the kids are so secretive and live private lives they completely shut me out of, and he does live all the way on the other side of the country and I haven't seen him in years and I have no idea what's going on in his life even though I do regularly keep in touch and ask him....he just doesn't tell me.....

                                      

When I looked at the photos at first I thought What a cute little kid! and then I have to admit that I did feel something though, in my heart, like a tug on my heart-strings, like a bond of some sort, an affection, a protective love, only I don't know if it's because maybe he really is my grandson, or just my motherly instinct kicking in, esp. after not having a baby around the house for so long, sort of like a nostalgic longing and memory of when my kids were babies that I fondly miss, or maybe just the heart-melting, Awwwww....... of seeing an adorable baby, or what, but it did get me thinking, and if it was some sort of "test" to see how I might "react" to the news of a future grandchild, but if it is, I think I passed. Now it bothers me though I have no way of knowing if it's even true or not, or just another cruel prank my family pulled on me, like how when they said the 19 YR old's in an abusive relationship or that the Edmonton Boys are drug dealers. What's different about this that I should all of a sudden believe this one?

 It would also be extra cruel this time though if it does end up to be true as I was left out of one of the biggest events of my oldest's child's life: first of all; the relationship(and did they even go off and get married,too,and not even tell me or invite me? I was excited to go to my oldest's wedding when the time came, and I even have the dress) and all the details: what is she like? Where did they meet? Does she love him? Is it the Real Thing? Is he in love? Is this The One? Are they happy? plus I also missed out on the good news of the pregnancy and getting the experience of following the 9 month journey and the birth and the newborn stage and ....just....everything.... all that would have been taken away from me and I would have been left out of that and missed it and that's just cruel.

Also, if this really is his son what a way to tell me,too, to just suddenly spring it on me like this one day, on my birthday no less,months after he's been born. If it ends up just being another prank, it's also mean as I considered the possibilty what if it is true and started to ponder the possibility and open my heart to the sweet little fellow and let him in....and then only to find out it's a stranger's baby.....I studied the photos trying to see if there's anything familiar, such as my hubby's pointy nose or my ears that stick out to see if there's any possibly genetic link but I didn't see anything...the only way I'd be convinced for sure is if he has my crooked toe that all the kids have...

When I first heard the "news"(or the prank, or whatever it is) I was also washing my face and as I stood up and saw my reflection in the mirror the first thought that came into my mind as well was Am I an old f*cking grandma?