Trash.

The other day the 17 YR old called me "trash". She looks down on me because I use medical marijuana, even though it has all but eliminated my daily and debilitating migraines and has done wonders for my stress, anxiety and pain. She's just a really mean person. She's always been like that though, thinking she's better than everyone else, putting others down, being condescending, bullying, acting superior, like my hubby,actually. She even talks smack behind everyone's back, even her own friends. It's really awful. If she wants to see trash though all she has to do is look in the mirror: at least I'm  not the one who walks around dressing like a whore with lace thongs and short slutty skirts going half-way up my thighs. That's certainly NOT how I  raised her, but they've all turned against me and my values; only one of them that's left home still even goes to church (or even still believes in God anymore) they've all turned away despite my best efforts to raise them good, godly people. The influence of the world just got to them but the seed has been planted and hopefully one day it will grow and I pray for them daily.

I've also had bad abdomenal pain for the past 5 days straight, likely my IBS acting up again although it could be my ovarian cyst, or anything. Who knows. The pain feels like really bad constipation pain even though I'm not actually constipated. Chronic daily pain is just a normal part of my life now and if it's not one thing it's another, generally my abdomen, my back,and my foot. My hubby's also away in Toronto for 4 days this week for work so I get a nice break away from him,too,4 days without him here to constantly put me down, insult and criticize me, and I can put on whatever music I want and blast it as loud as I want, and I get hot water for my bath in the mornings,too, and I can watch the news without him giving me a hassle, and just much less stress and tension overall without him here, like I can just relax and breathe for a few days.

  My former sister-in-law is also getting married in Jamaica next week (I'm so jealous!) and some of my cousins in Europe( the ones that visited us in the summer) are taking a trip to USA (L.A and Vegas) this year too and they need a visa which surprised me as we never need one for USA and as far as I can remember I only needed a visa for Russia and Israel. I wish I had the $$$$ to still travel. I love it and miss it and could really use the time away. I miss my Old Life so much. I miss the Old Me.