Happy Birthday Buddy!!

Today is my Buddy-Boy's birthday. He's now 13. That's 91 in Dog Years. He's an old geezer but he's my old geezer. He's also the best dog I've ever had; the best dog in the world!!!! I just love him so much. He is the greatest gift and blessing God has ever given to me, an answer to my desperate prayer and plea for help, asking Him to send someone to love me and He sent me Buddy, the one who loves me the most, more than anything, more than anyone, unconditionally, without judgement. He doesn't care how I look, that I'm ugly, fat, old, broken, that I have mental illness and health issues, that I'm not like other people, that I've always been different and that I don't fit in or belong,he just loves me as I am and I love him for it. I love him and he loves me back. He loves me most,too, something I've never gotten from anyone else in life, ever; I've never been ayone's favourite, anyone's first choice, anything special to anyone,ever, but to Buddy I am and that means alot.

It's no secret that I have lacked love in my life and have always craved and yeared for it. That's one reason why I had so many kids,actually; I figured if no one loves me at least I can create my own people, my own family, that will, only that didn't work out so well or last for too long and ended up failing miserably because even my own kids hate me too and mistreat me just like everyone else. Even ones I was once close to when they were younger outgrew it and tossed me aside and no longer have any use for me anymore and then it left this empty void and Buddy filled it. I still needed someone to love, to love me, to cuddle, snuggle, hug, dote on, and show affection, even when the kids got older and started rejecting it but Buddy will never wake up one day and sudden;y decide that he doesn't love me anymore.

He's been here with us for 5 years now and my only regret is that it wasn't longer, that I didn't have him sooner so I'd have him to love even longer, and now he's older I breathe a sigh of relief every morning I wake up and he's still alive next to me and I pray he outlives me even so; I can't even imagine being without him. He's my whole world, my everything; he is the only light, joy, and love in my life. He makes me smile and laugh like no one else. He is my best friend, my comfort, my constant companion, the only bright spot in my life, the only thing that keeps me going and the only reason I still get up each morning. Without him I'd have nothing,and no one to love me. I didn't even bother telling my family about my most recent suicide attempt because they wouldn't even care anyway but God knew exactly what I needed when He sent me Buddy. He knew I needed a friend. He knew I needed love.