KISS.

I found out the most wonderful news: KISS is coming to Toronto!! I have loved them ever since I was 12 and I was even a member of the KISS Army had a KISS Army Patch! I was 12 when my awakening to music and real appreciation of it really began and they were one of the first bands I rocked to, along with Queen, Tom Petty, Styx, BTO, Supertramp, Foreigner, Triumph, Rush,April Wine, etc. I still remember the very first concert I went to as well when I was 12 or 13: REO Speedwagon: the band was late arriving from the airport and everyone started rioting; they were throwing chairs and setting fires and then the band only played for something like half an hour. It was chaos. I will never forget it. Back to KISS: I hurriedly went to their official site online to try and get tickets.......but even the "cheapest" cost 114$ (and there's no way I consider 114$ to be "cheap"!) and even they were all sold out.....and they went up to 500$.

Shit.

So much for my life-long dream of seeing KISS live in concert. It's just too expensive and I can't afford it. Being poor really sucks. There's no way my hubby would go with me,either, as he hates good music, so I'd just have him drive me there and drop me off for the concert and pick me up afterwards, and I have no problem with that....but it just costs too much. There goes that hope. Another thing crossed off my Bucket List. Not because I got to do it, but eliminated because I can't afford it, esp. not after clearing out my bank account for my trip. Shit.

When I go to concerts the Old Me temporarily emerges as well; I come alive again, it almost "animates" me , like injecting life into me again, and I get up and dance and sing along, clapping my hands and jiving to the music, coming out of my shell; it's like a spark is ignited and for a couple of hours I feel so free again, like I had my Old Life back again. I used to be so different, so alive, so outgoing, so happy, so upbeat, so cheery, so bubbly, so courageous......anyone that knows me now wouldn't believe it. I really miss her.

The 17 YR old also made this really good vegan pasta dish with button mushrooms (my fave!) and I loved it; it was the best thing she's ever made so far and I told her so, yet even being nice and giving her a compliment she was still nasty and bitchy to me, snapping in reply for me to shut up and that I'm so annoying. I don't even know why I bother anymore. Even when I try to connect with them, relate to them, bond with them, reach out to them, show interest in what they do, compliment them, be nice to them, get closer to them, etc. they still keep rejecting and rebuffing me, along with hurtful, unkind, insulting, mean ,uncalled-for comments. Then they also wonder why I go and cry on my blog about my troubles, but it's the only way I have to vent, to let out my feelings, esp. since my close friend that I used to confide in ended up using and betraying me, and besides, writing is very therapeutic,and who knows, maybe it helps someone else reading it, going thru something similar, even just knowing that they're not alone? I know after we had the fire and when our son had leukemia just connecting with others who went thru and survived the same thing was a great support.

I said something as well the 11 YR old deemed as stupid and he scoffed at me, How do you cure dumb? and I replied to him, I don't know......how do you cure mean? and my hubby got these redneck hockey team flags he said he's going to hang out of the van windows,too, even though he knows I hate sports and I told him no way while I'm in it he's not and he said he paid for the van and it's his even though it's the family car and I told him I don't care what he does when he's in there without me; he can fly the Swastika or the ISIS flag for all I care when I'm not there, but it's not going up as long as I'm in the van and if he puts it up I'll just roll down my window and throw it out onto the road! He's just doing it to piss me off because he knows I hate it.