This photo pretty much sums up how I feel right now: later yesterday the bleeding started up again and continues on today and it's bad, and it's not just cramps,either, but this is real pain but luckily I still have the pills to increase clotting and control the bleeding from the ER I got 2-3 weeks ago when I went in with the last massive bleed so it's still heavy but better than last time. I still feel like I'm going to faint though every time I stand up. Ugh. Between the profuse bleeding(as my doctor put it) the chronic daily and often acute pain and the debilitating fatigue that makes me feel like my body's shutting down and I'm fading away I really have this bad feeling that I have some sort of reproductive cancer, and I'm pretty sure it's spread to other organs now,too, possibly the bladder, colon, rectum, liver, and maybe even lungs( I've had this chronic cough for months now,too) and brain, which would also explain my increasing brain decline and forgetfulness,hallucinations, and seizures; maybe it's more than simply White Matter Decline?
I saw the Internal Medicine Specialist yesterday as well and he was more concerned about the bleeding than my GP or they were at the ER and he called it profuse bleeding and was shocked no one has referred me to a Gyno yet(and I told him about my suspicion I think I either have cervical, uterine, or ovarian cancer) and he said(his words) he's going to Write a letter to that Dr. M guy and request that he refer me to a Gyno. Oh, thank God! Finally! At last! I've only beeen begging him for the past 2 years for him to do so, only yo have him dismiss it and pass it off as just women things and it's part of being a woman and just something I have to live with even though I know my own body and I know it's NOT normal and something is wrong and I've had Aunt Flow long enough to know what it's supposed to be like for f*ck's sake....
This doc also agreed too to my request to have me tested for Von Willebrand Disease to see if I indeed do have the genetic blood clotting disorder(which I'll do once I get back from my trip) which I highly suspect due to my heavy bleeding for everything; periods, childbirth, surgery, dental extractions, bad bruising, slow healing cuts and bruises, etc. and I also remember my mother saying her mother( my grandmother) also nearly bled to death several times with her 12 miscarriages( she had due to her Rh-negative blood type, which several people on her side have, incl. some of my kids,too) and my mother's aunt and cousin also had prolific bleeding too and had their uterus removed in their 40's too and when the 23 YR old had toe surgery they were alarmed at the bleeding and asked her if she had a bleeding disorder and recommened she be tested so it really does make me wonder...
Doesn't it just figure though, I leave for Jamaica in just 3 days and this had to happen again now; just my "luck". The doctor was shocked,too, that I'd still go to Jamaica even with such heavy bleeding but this is on my Bucket List and I'm still going no matter what, even if I die trying.I might even develop blood clots from the clotting medication from sitting a long time on the flights too, so who knows, maybe I'll even die there, and if so, I hope it's on the beach watching the sun set under a palm tree, listening to the waves crashing on the beach; my Happy Place, listening to Reggae and smoking a Big Fatty.That's how I'd like to go.
I still remember that recent dream I had too warning me Something's coming. Be careful. Watch out. So what could it be? A cancer diagnosis perhaps? Buddy or I dying soon? An accident of some sort? An enemy threatening, perhaps my hubby trying to kill me or something? Some sort of natural disaster? Another trauma(which generally happens in May) but the fact I was warned to watch out and be careful indicates it's something I might be able to avoid and thwart if I'm cautious and watchful, like most likely an accident or other event that can be prevented?
Just in case it is near the end, as I often feel it is, this is the last photo I took, and it's of Buddy giving me a kiss.
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