Still The Same.

Thank God it's still the same.

Buddy loves me still the same.

He misses me still the same.

I was just so relieved and overjoyed yesterday when I came home from church to see him at the door still waiting for me, wagging his tail, jumping up at me, whining, licking me, greeting me as I came home, happy to see me. In fact, this time he was even already there at the door waiting for me. Generally when I come home I open the door and loudly call out Where's my Boy? and he comes gleefully scampering over, tail wagging a mile a minute, but yesterday he was already there at the door waiting for me. I was worried that lately since it seemed he had been avoiding me that maybe he didn't love me anymore and I was worried he wouldn't miss me or greet me anymore when I'd leave and come back but he still did, thank God. It just made my heart glad. It's still the same.

I also read this interesting story last night online about a woman's dog who would stiff her belly urgently, whimper and go run and hide and it puzzled her and she was diagnosed shortly later with Stage 3 ovarian cancer but before, just like me was just told she had ovarian cysts but continued to suffer abdomanel pain. The dog basically sniffed out the cancer. I wonder if perhaps that's what Buddy's been trying to tell me,too; what's been up with him and his odd behaviour lately? Maybe I have ovarian cancer and he can somehow sniff out the cancer cells and he's trying to tell me? It would certainly explain my pain and bleeding....

When I exclaimed to my mother how today starts my first day of freedom with my hubby away all week she curtly replied in response, I'm sure it is for him,too, away from you! and I told her, This is exactly what I'm talking about; you do this all the time; you never validate me, support me or take my side! to which she huffed, That's because you're always wrong! and the other day I was walking Buddy they had picked up the garbage so I brought the empty cans up onto the veranda(even though  garbage is the 24 YR old's job; I was already out there and noticed it had been picked up so I brought it back up) and she starts ripping into me that I put tha garbage can in the 'wrong' place, too close to her chair on the veranda, and kept going on and on, and I told her that honestly I wasn't even thinking where I put it; I had both hands full between Buddy on his leash, a poop bag and the garbage cans I had to just quickly unload and drop off anywhere on the veranda I could as quickly as possibly before the circulation in my arms was cut off... and I said she thinks she's so much better than everyone else she smirked, Not everyone; just some people (implying me) and at least I help out(what does she think I was doing?)..I then told her if she doesn't like the way other people do things then she can do it herself. She's such a bitch. No matter what I do it's never enough, never good enough, never measures up, never enough for praise, recognition, thanks, gratitude, validation, etc. from her.

The other day my hubby was taking credit for everything for the kids too and I reminded him that I was the one who did all the grunt-work when they were little, saying it was me that went thru all the pregnancies, labours and births, raising them, and homeschooling when they were young, what did he do....and he tersely replied, everything else after.... insinuating I did nothing, which is a cheap shot as it's only been the past 2 years since my poor health has continued to decline I've had no energy(HA! how would they feel making fun of me for "being lazy" if it turns out I do actually have cancer afterall? Knowing them though, they probably still wouldn't care and would probably even say I "deserve" it or something)and they're so quick to forget everything I did do and have done for all those years before and only remember the things I can't do and don't do anymore. :(